Last year I was struck with a debilitating illness. I have steadily gotten worse and now am bed bound. I’m raising money for help paying bills and getting tests that aren’t covered by my insurance.

Here it is for those of you that don’t know. After a year of my body slowly slowing down and becoming more and more weak and my creatine kinase levels going up to over 8000, I’ve lost the ability to walk. Creatine kinase is an enzyme that is released when you damage your muscles it causes weakness and myopathy. It can lead to a life threatening problem called Rhabdomyolysis. Rhabdomyolysis can cause liver and kidney damage as well as heart problems and inflammation. I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s and I recently got a ANA (antinuclear antibodies) come back positive. A positive ana can mean a autoimmune disorder like Lupus or a inflammatory myositis. I don’t really have any of the symptoms associated with either of those conditions(except the severe myopathy), but I have an appointment with a rheumatologist to at least rule them out. My meds are working and I’m slowly seeing improvements everyday.

It is a slow process and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to walk again without any physical therapy.

I’ve been trying to get in home physical therapy so that I don’t atrophy completely. My legs are getting stiffer and stiffer. I called DSHS and some of the other places that take my insurance but they are not able to help for months. I might be able to get someone sooner if I can pay for it out of pocket. I can’t really do that either. I’m not sure what the fuck to do, honestly it feels like I’m trapped in this unbelievably stressful situation. I’m just focused on surviving and getting better. One day at a time. Just trying to make it.

At night I’m dreaming about Druids in moss covered cloaks walking barefoot through the darkest forest, magic swirling in the air. I feel the deepest connection to them I hear the leaves rustling and the deep loamy smell of the dirt. They are bringing me back home to the edge of the deep dark forest. I’m not afraid of the darkness, the magic that surrounds me protects me. It keeps me strong in the face of the pain, it moves me to believe that I’m not alone. That I can summon the oldest magic to bring me through the darkness.