PLEASE HELP my family
Not for me, but for my children and wife.

We are close to loosing our home, thousands in medical bills are backing up and going to collection offices. We are receiving notices that our Gas & Electric will be shut off, I have tried to apply for SSI and have been denied because of lack of credits or something. Not to mention pleading my case to the Gas & Electric company who could care less, as well as all the other groups that are supposedly there to help people in this situation. Unfortunetly we don't fall into any catagory they can help... Go Figure.

I have talked to a few frineds and they all support me in my decission to go this route. I had so many people say when all of this first happened. They offered help if I needed anything, And I always felt like I could handle this like I was able to in the past. But now I am asking for the Help.

Many friends have reminded me that with close to 5000 FB friends and the fact that I have a speaking relationship with well over 1000 of them, I am hoping that people can find it in thier heart to help us out. Even if only 500 people were able to donate $10.00 that would help us out tremendously. You may be thinking that what will $10 or $20 bucks do to help, but combined with hopfully more peoples donations it can make a huge difference.

Here is my story of how I got to this point.,

Back in March of this year, somethings that I have been dealing with for more years than I care to remember had recently surfaced to the point where I was no longer able to control it or keep it bottled up inside. This is the first time I am posting about this, and asking for help, at the same time explaining why my family needs help. There are not many people who know what I was dealing with growing up as a child or teenager. And quite honestly I'm no longer ashamed to speak about it or ask for help. It's something I and millions of others have to live with on a daily basis and it's something I have had to learn to accept.

About seven months ago I tried to commit suicide. I tried to drive my car in front of the tractor trailer. I was at a stop light turning left and my car was in gear. I put my foot on the gas and my car did not move, even though the engine was revving like crazy. The tractor trailer passed in front of my car and I took my foot off the gas staring out in front of me. All I could think about was what did I just try to do.

I checked and the car was not in neutral, it was in drive. I waited for the light to turn green, I put my foot back on the gas and I drove away. I drove around for about 5 min. and pulled over and called my wife. I told her I needed help right away and I told her what I just tried to do and she immediately started calling around to get me the help that I desperately needed. I ended up admitting myself into a crisis unit at the local hospital and was there for about a week.

While I was in the hospital I had a life-threatening situation happened with me, where I started blacking and having a severe panic attack from not being able to breath due to an Asthma attack During it all, all I kept thinking was I WANT TO LIVE, I WANT TO LIVE!!!

I guess you could say that was my epiphany! My moment when God woke me up and saved me for a reason by not allowing me to drive in front of that truck. And then made sure I never wanted to go back to that dark place again, by experiencing what heading towards the light would be like... Honestly, it was pretty much like getting hit upside the head with a 2 x 4. After I left the crisis unit I went into an intensive outpatient therapy program where I was for 3 months.

To this day I am still in Thereaphy multiple times per week for childhood and young adult trama while still seeing multiple Doctors and Therapists. My medical bills are racking up, not to mention general living expenses and food to feed my kids, There are many days in a week where we are surviving on nothing more than one meal per day and that is usually Ramin Noodles.

The fact that my wife is the only one working at the moment has created a financial disaster for us. Everything I worked for in building my company was wiped away in one swoop. If I was able to work I would be out doing anything I could, unfortunetly I am unable to because of my 17 different meds that I am on daily. Most of the time I am in a Zombie like state, many people who know me can atest to this.

As hard as this is for me to type. I know I have to get rid of my shame and pride and become an advocate of some sort. I learned while in the crisis unit and also in the outpatient therapy program that there are so many other people out there dealing with extreme depression, anxiety and PTSD from physical and sexual abuse. I learned that I am not alone in this fight and that there are support groups and other individuals who are there to help me and others like me.

I have learned that acceptance is a big part of dealing with my my disease and that there is no shame in my having it. I have learned to accept it to a degree, and to continue learning that acceptance is a big part of dealing with this on a daily basis. It's hard some days because not everyone understands depression, anxiety or PTSD.

One of the biggest issues I have run into is that most people think you can just make yourself be happy, or they tell you to put your big boy pants on and stop complaining or worrying. What they don't realize is that depression is not something tangible, they can't see it like they could an x-ray of a broken bone, they can't understand it like you can when somebody has a heart attack or finds out they have cancer of some sort. And because of that, most people have a hard time accepting depression,
or any other mental illness.

From here on out with this GoFundMe fundraiser I will be posting updates, talking about my journey, blogging about it and creating videos about it. Some of it will be to help me and hopefully some of it will help others realize that there is no shame in mental illness or dealing with trauma of any sort at all.

Thank You to all that can help, and if you are unable to help prayers are always appreciated.

Bill Clemens