My name is Shelby, and the person I'm raising money for is my beautiful mother, Susan.

My mom is 57 years old. In those 57 years she's accomplished so much; from working at a young age to be the successful woman she is today, to helping others and volunteering, donating to so many different charities and raising awareness for different causes... but most importantly she's my mom.

 

On October 9th at 3:55PM, my mom went into cardiac arrest. I had seen her that morning while I took my puppy for a ride, talked to her all day and even just minutes (quite literally) before her attack. It was just another normal day. She was going to the store to pick up groceries and was thankfully parked when her heart stopped. Over the past month, we've gone through ups and downs on her status and whether or not she'd be okay. We had amazing days of improvements where she'd open her eyes, she was moving her feet on her own, passing her own secretions (phlegm), and even 26+ hours of breathing on her own... but unfortunately this past week things took a turn for the worst. After a failed attempt at an operation to move her feeding tube from her nose to her abdomen, and extend her breathing tube further in her airways, she coded on the operating table. The doctors worked for about 5 minutes and were able to get her back. The next day they just allowed her to rest and let her body recover from the traumatic event, but that night at about 8:45PM, she coded again.

After 3 minutes they were able to get a rhythm again, it was shaky but she had rhythm. Then, the next day around 5:50AM she had coded yet again -- and that's where we are today... where I had to make the call to sign DNR papers and let her be at peace. After a very tough conversation with the cardiologists and the neurology team, my mothers condition had worsened so quickly and so severe (in just a matter of days), that at this point she's suffering. Because of the brain damage (from being without oxygen originally on October 9th), to her underlying heart condition that we have yet to diagnose-- my mom is far too sick and to keep shocking her and doing CPR is selfish.

It's selfish to ask for more time when her body is very clearly telling us she is hurting. I so, so badly want to be selfish because I miss my mom more than anything in this world. I pray every single day that this nightmare ends... but at the same time, she's given us almost 1 month of fighting and it's given my dad and I time to think about what's best for her. I want my mom to come home so badly, I really do... but I won't sacrifice her quality of life, happiness and health just because I miss her. I want her to be at peace and I believe this is what she'd want me to do.

I know my mom is confident in who I am as a young woman. She did her job as a mom, a best friend, and my idol. She taught me how to be independent, to stick up for myself, to be brave, kind, and most importantly how to be strong. I'm forever grateful for the things she's taught me. The lessons learned, the moments shared and the bond between her and I is irreplaceable and I will always cherish those times.

I miss her more than words can explain and nothing ever prepares you for this type of pain... especially being in my early 20's. We always talked about how she wanted to grow old and just pass in a rocking chair, never this. But I've accepted her time is coming and I'm not really okay with it, but I know her body has been through so much and putting her through more trauma is only hurting her more.

The DNR I signed basically states the following:

Both are on her own terms. No machines have been shut off, no medications stopped-- just no more starting. This is what was recommended to us by palliative care.

The decision to have my mom be cremated was on me. I told my father that instead of having her buried, I wanted her to come home and be with us. I kept telling her, "Mom it's time to wake up and come home" and I still have every intention of bringing her home.

 

Any and all donations made will go towards medical bills, her cremation (not covered by insurance), and any other bills that come of this. Whether you are able to donate or not, I appreciate you reading this far to hear part of her story. While I wish I was sharing all of her achievements and all the good she's done for this world and her loved ones, I'm saving that for close friends & family in private. I don't want this to be sad, I want this to be a celebration of her life and everything she's done for the ones she loves. My mom is a superhero, a professional, a daughter, sister, wife, friend... she was my mom. My world. I love her and I will always love her. Her strength inspires me every single day.