I'm a retired high school educator. I've tried to spend my life helping others, rather than asking for help; it's what teachers do. But I've never experienced anything like this before. In time I plan on being able to walk again...but I need help trying to chisel away this huge amount of medical bills. I hate it more than anything, but this is why it's been suggested that I turn to GoFundMe.
Having said all this, I've about had it. Not that I can't handle my disability; I know I can. It will just take time. But what I'm having a difficult time with is what...and how...it's effecting Cathy. Last week she saw a Specialist, who feels my health, plus our financial situation are major contributors to her depression. Thanks to my illness, we have two major bills currently hanging over our heads, plus we need to hire a Baylor nurse's aide to stay with me while Cathy is at work. As you know, Cathy is a strong woman, but it's as though she's living one giant anxiety attack. Literally a 24/7 anxiety attack. I'm not sure how she can cry any more tears. I've tried to figure out what I can do to help her, but I've been at a total loss. I hold her, I kiss her, I'm always there for her and I make sure she knows it. I know she and Chris came as close to losing me as possible, and I know things are often worse on the care-giver than the patient, but one simply cannot imagine what she's going through. I honestly feel she's experiencing PTSD.
She is doing everything I previously did...mainly paying the bills...and combining the pressure of my new medical expenses, plus her own work responsibilities, is literally bringing her down right before my eyes. She's put up with so many new hardships over the past five months, thanks to my stroke, and the stress has completely caught up with her. I also know she's scared to death of me having another stroke...mainly because she works with heart patients, such as me, every day. I'm fearful of having another stroke too, but again, it's often worse on the care-giver.
I could handle things if it was only me being effected by this stroke, but it's not. My health, along with the increased bills and Cathy not being able to depend on me, is tearing her apart...almost literally. She told me late last night that she feels as though she should be in the hospital, but she knows that's currently impossible. I just hope that I'm making the right decision regarding the Go Fund Me account. Just as I am to her, she's my everything.
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