Doug's Medical Assistance

From the time of my father's diagnosis of vascular dementia 4 years ago, people have told us we will need help.  Dementia is such an ugly disease, stealing the soul and personality of a wonderful person while leaving their body here.  We have had so many challenges with the dementia part of this.  But with his added new diagnoses of respiratory failure and heart failure, he has become too weak to walk and get around unassisted.  He doesn't remember this, however.  In his first few days home from his month-long hospital stay, he fell numerous times (because he won't wait for help.)  We have tried to manage this with our family but it's too difficult and we can't do it.  My biggest scare so far was checking on them after my shower and finding they had both fallen.

We cannot safely keep him in our home any longer.

The Hospice social worker suggested we set up this fundraising page in order to allow friends and family to help us with his care.

We began searching for a nursing home/assisted living placement for him a couple of months ago.  These facilities cost $5000 and up per month for his type of care.  It goes up each time he needs another level of caregiving help.

We found out about adult foster homes, which is the same level of professional (and safe) care, but in a house in a neighborhood.  We found one that was recommended by a referral service and by Hospice, and it is only $3500/month.  We toured it just yesterday and were overwhelmed with a sense of peace.  The home is on 2 wooded acres and backs to a huge wooded park.  The other residents were so calm, peaceful, and happy.  The home was spotless and smelled fresh and clean!

It is not an easy decision to place a loved one in a nursing home setting.  However, it has become clear that we are not capable of caring for him and keeping everyone safe.  In addition, I have lost almost all of my freedom to live my life as before.  His need for 24 hour supervision means I have not been a good mom, wife, friend.  And my mom is no spring chicken (sorry mom, lol) and is wearing herself out.

My dad did many wonderful things up until his dementia started.  He was so involved with church and youth, he was always ready to help others in need.  He was not good with money, however, and left them with no retirement savings.  They have lived on only Social Security for years.  This is nowhere near enough to cover the cost of his care, even in a more affordable setting like this home we found.  To be honest, it's embarrassing to put this out there and ask for money.  But my dad was always a helper and enjoyed giving money to those in need.  I know there are lots of people like him out there that would be willing to help him.  We are hoping to collect 2 months worth of the fee to help us out.  You have our word that all funds collected here will be used to pay for the caregiving home we have chosen.