Donate to Secure a Safe Home for Zola and Her Mom

Seeking support for safe and reliable housing

To understand why this need arose in the first place it is important to know how we came to this point. I have tried my best to detail a timeline of events that provide a deeper insight into our situation and who we are. This will be long, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read the details and chooses to not negatively judge our circumstances. I know making the choice to post this will upset some people, but I have been silent too long and it’s time to change that.

I have tried to be as detailed as possible while also being sure to highlight the most relevant parts to explain my state of mind during this period. I will be mentioning topics of: agoraphobia, postpartum depression and anxiety, intimate partner abuse and stalking, job loss, and feelings of lack of support among other topics.

I am more than willing to share anything else pertaining to this circumstance and how we plan to move forward.

2021

- [ ] Agoraphobia, I only left my home to go to the grocery store. I became so deeply insecure after also gaining 100lbs due to alcoholism. While staying in my home I created my own reality via social media. You can create an entire world in any corner of the internet and completely ignore what is real. This is what happened to me, I began to believe that at 24 my life had ran its course. I had spent 2 years at that point inside as I became self employed in April 2019. I no longer went out, I did not have any local friends, and I felt that I lost all joy in anything I used to enjoy. But, I had a stable income that was on a steady incline, so financial stability wasn’t a concern at that time. In the midst of this, I came across an article about sperm donors and thought it was something I wanted to try. I told very few people of my plans and received extreme encouragement and promises of support once the baby arrived. I once again changed my reality via social media. I only followed young moms, watched YouTube videos of single parents, joined Facebook groups for likeminded people, and let the lifestyle consume me.

- [ ] After just three months of research and planning, it was time to have my first insemination attempt. Most things you read tell you it will take on average 3 tries to become pregnant. I never assumed I would get pregnant immediately, but I did. I did not take well to being pregnant from the start. In my first trimester I was so sick everyday I lost nearly 20 pounds. By my second trimester I had developed sciatica that made it difficult to walk or even stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I spent much of my pregnancy in bed. During my second trimester I moved to be closer to my family members to receive support. I moved into the old rented house of an aunt. We did not change the lease since my income was a little lower due to being pregnant and so sick and unable to work. This would later prove to be a huge mistake.

- [ ] At 20 weeks pregnant I learned my daughter would be born with unilateral clubfoot. While I had been struggling with depression for most of my life, it was definitely made more intense during pregnancy and learning of my daughter’s potential difficulties. During this time I made regular calls to an aunt venting and often crying telling her I think I made a mistake. I was reassured at every turn that I would get help and there was support for me. Throughout my entire pregnancy I struggled to get into good contact with job and family services in order to receive food stamp assistance. I ended the year 7 months pregnant.

2022

- [ ] In February of 2022 I had my baby shower. During this event we played a game in which people kept insinuating that I would not be the one taking care of my child. This upset me in my emotional state and I made the comment that no one would be taking care of my child but me. This had offended my aunt and I had not known that it did for over a year.

- [ ] On March 1, 2022 Zola was born. One week later we began the casting process to correct her clubfoot. In this process the child gets a new cast once a week. By week three, it was clear that would not be the easy path for us. We started having multiple appointments a week at the orthopedic doctor to get cast replacements, sometimes even going three times a week. Zola was not in daycare and I was a full time stay at home mom, essentially not working much since I also exclusively breastfed and lived completely alone. The difficult process with orthopedics led to postpartum anxiety and depression. I was too anxious to let anyone watch Zola since the situation with her casting had proven to be so troublesome. It was also impossible to get a traditional steady job since we needed to be at the hospital so often and usually on short notice by that point.

- [ ] The only help offered to me was for people to take her and watch her, that was not the help I needed or the help I felt comfortable with in our delicate situation. This decision made people upset with me and completely withdraw from us. During this time, feeling so unsupported and overwhelmed that I had considered for several weeks on end to give custody up to the aunt that had previously been supportive of me doing this alone. A lot of people had drawn back once they realized I was not ready to have her away from me just yet. That aunt was also having her own health issues to deal with, so I pushed through. I also was worried about the judgement I would face since I chose this path and was already willing to “give up” as others would see it.

- [ ] Zola was finally approved for surgery after a long time of casting. We continued to have issues throughout the rest of 2022 with her foot. The first surgery did not work the way it was intended and in December we decided to give her foot a break for the rest of the year and resume with a new more invasive surgery in the new year.

2023

- [ ] Once Zola had her surgery in the first week of January 2023, she began staying weekends with my mother. My aunt was dealing with her own health issues at the time and I did not want to add to her burden, but I was in desperate need of support, and my mom was there willing to help. After Zola’s first birthday she began daycare for the first time. This provided some free time that allowed me to get back into working a little bit more. After a few months I began working at Meijer near Zola’s daycare. We started a great schedule and I even signed up for coding classes so I could learn a new skill and pursue a new career path that could really provide for us. I was finally starting to catch up on some bills I had fallen behind on previously. However, I did not catch up fast enough and my car was repossessed. In turn that led to me losing my job and losing childcare. A manager at the store told me once I got back transportation I could come back to work. An aunt offered to allow me to drive her car for $50 a day, I worked 5 days a week. Clearly, that was not something I could workout since half of my money every month would go to that expense alone leaving little left for any bills or emergencies, which we kept going through.

- [ ] Three days into my unemployment I reached out to two of my aunts and my mother asking for help with watching Zola so that I could still work at home and study my coding. No one responded except for my mother asking me what I needed from her. I ended the year using what little savings I had to pay the November rent. December 2023 was when I first fell behind on rent. This would continue as I remained without transportation or *safe* and reliable childcare so I could maintain a job. My food stamps had also been cut since I had began working at Meijer and was making more money. In December 2023 I started using instacart to get groceries and essentials delivered, I paid for these expenses myself from what little income I was back to making.

2024

- [ ] Starting 2024 I was convinced I had a job to return to if I just got a car once again so I planned on using my tax return to buy a car. The time finally arrived to purchase a car and I found a used vehicle on Facebook marketplace since I could not afford much else. When I went to get the legal documents from the BMV I was informed my license had been suspended from a prior accident I had earlier in 2023. I did not know. I had to pay fees to reinstate my license and get registration for my car as well as insurance. This used the rest of my tax return and I couldn’t use the extra to catch up on rent as there was none left. The following week I began making rounds to get Zola back in daycare and get my job back. Her old learning center still had space for her and she was quickly back enrolled. I however, was not able to get my job at Meijer back, they told me I did not work there long enough and this was a flag on my application. So I continued to still have little income to scrape by every month and doing everything in my power to find another job filing out several applications a day for weeks.

- [ ] Eventually I had to remove Zola from her learning center because it was far away and I was using a lot of my income just to take her to daycare everyday. I was back to being a stay at home mom. While all of this was happening I felt extremely overwhelmed, I called an aunt, who did not answer at that time. And then I called my mom bawling my eyes out telling her that I am a terrible mother and I am ruining my child’s life and I don’t think I should keep being her mom. I was heavily considering adoption again, and that I was not fit to be a mother. My mom allowed me to vent and then came to take Zola on a vacation with them for a week while I got a break. I had tried to speak with my aunt several times about feelings overwhelmed and she would often just respond with “me too” or even once she remarked that I cry too much and I am “too old to be crying”. I decided to confide in her less after that conversation.

- [ ] I spent months searching for a new job and in the meantime became involved with a much older man who lives in my neighborhood, in the beginning he was so sweet, kind, and helpful. However, that was not to last. He quickly and purposefully integrated himself into multiple facets of my life under the guise of “doing what men should do.” He began emotionally and verbally abusing me while also making sure to keep me under the influence of alcohol or marijuana, or both, every day. On top of the sexual abuse that took place whenever I would say no. Before long I was having multiple instances of kidney stones and horrible urinary tract infections, no matter how sick I became, he insisted on having sex daily, sometimes multiple times.

- [ ] During this period, I was still looking for resources to help with paying down my rent balance. I gained the opportunity to be accepted into the Miami Valley Community Action Plan program, however since my name is not on the lease here, they were not able to help me and my aunt’s whose name is on the lease, refused to help me with the matter for reasons that are unknown still. I was still desperately searching for a job unsure why I was so unable to find one no matter where I applied, from retail to office work.

- [ ] I brought up the idea of shared custody to an aunt and while she seemed on board with trying it out first, that did not happen. I finally landed a job at dollar general, that same day my aunt came out of the blue to say she was going to keep Zola for a week so I could work and when they returned from vacation she would keep her again for awhile so I could work. Shortly after making this agreement, the plans on when to return her kept changing. She complained to me about Zola spilling something on her expensive carpet, and before long, (four days), Zola was being returned to me very late at night. I was subsequently taken off of the work schedule and never contacted again from that store.

- [ ] That was the first and last overnight time Zola had spent with my aunt. A few weeks later, my aunt calls me to ask when we are going the legal route to do shared custody. I explained to her that Zola needs consistency and people she knows, and I just want what is best for her. So I don’t think shared custody at this time is the best option. This must have made my aunt upset so she revoked her role as godmother and removed herself from our lives effective immediately.

- [ ] We were served with a notice to vacate the premises by Sept 30th on July 19th. I applied to a new dollar general for a lead position and I got the job and had my first day on August 2, 2024.

- [ ] By the following week I had once again tried to break up with the older man I was dating. I had tried this multiple times previously and he just would not take no for an answer, or he would promise he wouldn’t mistreat me again. This was a time I was ready to leave. That night he sent me 27 text messages calling me horrible names and giving veiled threats as well calling me more than 20 times in a row. This was not the first time he had done this. While all of this was happening I was sobbing on the phone with a friend, finally telling people the truth about the abuse. He continued to send 20 more messages to my phone the next day while I was at work after telling me he would leave me alone.

- [ ] Throughout the next month he would continue to harass me in multiple ways from sitting outside looking at my house for hours under the guise of “relaxing in the sun”. To bringing a white board to the yard so he can write me messages. This was very embarrassing so I attempted to forgive him as to avoid the embarrassment and harassment. Once again before long he was back to being emotionally and verbally abusive as well as attempting to get me to drink again despite me telling him I did not want to multiple times. Once I finally blocked his phone number, a few days later he sent messages to my email, when one went unanswered he sent another. When that went unanswered he got flowers delivered to my job and shortly later an edible arrangement delivery also arrived at my job. The messages on the white board became more “generalized” in an obvious attempt to make what he was doing seem innocent, since I had called him out for his previous messages. One included a drawing of my breast, for the entire street to see. When I asked him to erase it because I was embarrassed he called me and yelled that I shouldn’t be upset. By that point I had reached out to the Artemis Center several times to explain the stalking and harassment. As I did not feel comfortable or safe with calling the police.

- [ ] Finally I gave in one final time when I needed my grass to be cut in order to avoid city fines. Before long he was back to attempting to be controlling. He attempted to convince me several times to not worry about my housing issues here and to move to Myrtle Beach with him to live, despite me repeatedly saying no and expressing that I was scared of him. Two days later we had our final disagreement in which I asked him yet again to leave me alone. He continued to beg and plead for me to take him back and when I insisted no, he began being manipulative once again. I stopped responding all together and he has continued to send subliminal messages to me via the star projector lights, bible verse messages on the white board, and being ever present outside of my home making himself visible. I do not feel comfortable calling the police currently as there isn’t much they can do with the situation aside from alert him that I am collecting evidence and he will only in turn become *more* sneaky. I believe once we move away he will give up pursuing me further and if not, only once we are living elsewhere will I feel comfortable calling the police and taking legal action.

- [ ] As of now I have a stable job, and childcare. The main issue is that this all seems too little too late to secure where I am living. I still owe all the months I am behind even once I leave. While I can make some payments to lower the balance, I still have utility bills to catch up on as well, and I just got my phone service reconnected after it had been off for nearly two months.

- [ ] I am trying my best to climb out of this hole and I feel as though every time I see a silver lining it is immediately followed by a much larger dark cloud. Any assistance provided on this fund will be used to pay down/off the balance that I owe in this current home, and if there is any more than that I will be using those funds to look for and attain safer housing. I am on several lower income housing waitlists and I am just waiting for something to turn out. But, those waitlists take time, and in the meantime I plan to maintain this job as long as possible while I try to find better opportunities for us to continue to grow and flourish in the way we were meant to from the beginning.