Hey everyone, some of you may have seen some really dark posts I’ve made about hating my life. Yeah, I’m not OK, but I plan on making it better and being around for a long time yet, and I want to make that crystal clear. Here’s what’s up:

I started off the year terribly, my peripheral neuropathy (painful nerve disease) came back with a vengeance after a routine surgery for someone my age. While they claimed the surgery (endoscopic polyp removal) went well, I was nauseous pretty much all the time, and vomiting at least a few times a day, with multiple trips to the ER, for a few weeks afterwards. Poor nutrition was the cause of my neuropathy, so after loosing about twenty five pounds it came back. I was in constant pain for something like six weeks (I think, it's really hazy) with regular intervals of burning, twisting, stabbing pain in my feet. It was an awful experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone, not only for me but for those that are close to me. Finally I saw (and met for the first time) my primary care provider, and he put me on a painkiller that does an amazing job with the pain, but makes me not as smart, as well as terrible at handling emotional stress, especially backstabbing bullshit from people you considered friends.

Which brings us to the last couple months, just as I felt like I was closing in on getting back to normal, my social life here in Greenfield MA fell apart. I won’t bore you with the details, but I was playing in a casual D&D 'league' at a pub every Monday night, and I just got tossed under the bus by the whole group (about 30 people a night, maybe 50 active) after putting a significant amount of time and energy into making it better and more fun. Please understand that that this isn’t about playing the game (I’m not trying to find another one), it was a convenient way for me to meet people and socialize once a week, as my ‘work’ keeps me at home most of the time, and I don’t interact with my guests unless they need something. Please try think of it like any other recreational activity you do at a table indoors with friends, like poker, fantasy football, or whatever. It was about the camaraderie, not the game. It seemed like a great group of people, but I ran into the same problem I always do. Somebody with more social status that me was saying insulting things, I try to stop it then and there, and I get jumped on for being ‘too aggressive’ or ‘too sensitive’ or whatever other bullshit. It’s not that, it's that the other person is more popular, or cool, and this is what the group think tells you to believe. It was a bad enough year, and now my confidence, sense of belonging, and general mental health are doing really, really poorly.

So I’m falling back on what I know best, I’m getting the hell out of here for the winter, one way or another, and getting my real freedom back. I know this might not be the best solution from societies standpoint, but frankly I could care less about what society thinks right now, and I know for a fact it will work. The first time I had neuropathy, I was living up in Burlington VT, and was having a really shitty time with my landlord and housing situation, from what I remember. So I packed up my truck, and drove south without any destination in mind, and I felt so much better once I was a couple hundred miles away. I ended up finding a couple great spots to stay and work or do cool things, and the neuropathy pretty much vanished. Also, if I hadn’t left when I did, I would have had to ride out the winter homeless in Vermont, couch surfing, followed by the pandemic. Instead, I spent the winter at a friends house in Virginia and working, and the pandemic at a summer camp in a beautiful mountain valley (with a whole rubbermaid of toilet paper from the summer before) . I made the right call then, and I know I am now. My plan is to drive down to Florida and spend winter partly at a friend’s house and volunteering/working, and partly in the woods or traveling for the sake of it again.

This is where you all come in. I’d really like to buy a small camper trailer to tow behind my car, so I have somewhere to sleep safely and economically on the way down there, and also while I am visiting friends. I’d like to have my own personal space, and it’s really important to me that I not infringe to much on my host’s space while I am a guest. (Warning, I’m about to talk in some detail about poop) Another big part of it is having somewhere to use the toilet, on short notice or when I’m camping. I’m having kind of the opposite problem right now, but sometimes it’s critical that I be able to access a toilet within a few minutes. The last part is this would make going camping possible for me again. I *might* be able to make a slit trench work, but I don’t want to have to count on it. Honestly, even if I were in good shape, I still wouldn’t want to shit in a hole ever again.

There are tons of reasons this would be better for me than staying where I am, I’ll list a few. My friend in Florida makes some of the tastiest and filling food I’ve ever had, and it’s really important that I gain at least another ten pounds, especially because I need to get a follow up endoscopy as soon as I’m healthy enough that a repeat reaction won’t kill me (my doctor agrees). I’m just bad at feeding myself enough, especially when I’m feeling like shit. Another bonus is that I’ll be living around people again, I’m so isolated right now I’m forgetting how to interact with other people effectively. They also feed hungry and homeless people somewhere nearby once a week, and doing something like that again would be great for me. I also plan to visit family I haven’t seen in years and I’d like to reconnect with.

I’ve found a nice, fully restored 1977 Trillium camper my puny Subaru can actually tow, for $6,500. On top of that I’ll need a Thetford toilet, a trailer hitch for the car, and I’m told there’s always extra stuff you have to buy when you get an RV or a camper. I’m asking for help because real work that would earn that kind of money isn’t an option for me with my physical health, and my attitude towards other people. Additionally, he only thing I should be focused on is getting physically healthy again, and I can’t do that if I’m mentally drowning. I work a little on the house and the Airbnb, but the money from that pretty much covers insurance, taxes, and living expenses. I think I can come up with some of this on my own, but not all of it, so I’m setting the goal as the price of the trailer I want. If I beat my goal the extra money will go towards accessories for the camper, insurance if I need extra, pizza, gas, and anything left into a repair fund for both my car and the trailer.

(Edit: I just realized Gofundme strings your goal along, showing something lower than the goal you tell it, then increasing it over time or something. While I'm sure this raises more money, I find it kind of dishonest, so I'll put the actual price here: $6500, I know this sounds like a lot, but based on the research I've done it's actually a good deal. I think the housing market has had something to do with the price of these going up recently.)

I can offer short stays in the tobacco/cannabis infused, living room lacking, and generally cramped part of the house that I use, while I’m gone . And if there's enough interest, I'll publish any adventures I have along the way to YouTube.

I know I can get through this and back to my normal , and then a better self, I just need a boost to give me some initial momentum. As I said I can put a little towards this, and my immediate family will help some, but they've been supporting me this whole year, and I need to get out on my own. Thank you so much for reading, every little bit helps, and even if you can't donate, well wishes/prayers/happy thoughts are always appreciated.

Sincerely,

Rory

Edit: I also think this thing is a good investment, clearly it's a survivor at it's age, and the owner has replaced pretty much everything. It's become clear at this point that I need to get out and move around some at least every few years for my own sanity, so I'll get plenty of use out of it.