Donate to Kristen's Fresh Start and Business Dream

Hello!

I hope that this message finds you well. I hope that you will please take the time to read this, as there is a message I hope to relay, no matter any money raised, and an apology that may be long overdue for some of you.

I am reaching out to you today in this private GoFundMe in an effort to, quite frankly, change my life in a dramatic and positive direction. I am choosing to make this page private and am only sharing the link with certain people from my past and my life, that I believe at one time believed in me as a person. Also, on top of that, I am sending this to you to explain some things that I was too embarrassed to admit. I am going to get downright personal here and will do my best to just free flow this information to you.

I think that it is important to mention upfront that I just turned 50 and was finally diagnosed with a mental health condition that has become increasingly more and more crippling each year. This road of chaos came to a screeching halt when I prayed so hard to God to help me... please God help me figure out why I can't think straight, why all of my relationships go south, why my entire family is upset with me, why I am calling homeless shelters to see if there are openings... including losing every single possession I owned, except for a t-shirt, a pair of pants, sneakers, and my cell phone. Literally overnight, I lost my house, my car, EVERYTHING I OWNED, all overnight. And all of this while going on and off the wagon with drinking. That was in May of 2023. Since May of 2023, I have failed over and over to maintain LONG stretches of sobriety... I always relapsed, albeit for a very short time, it was still a relapse. It was a pattern that repeated itself over and over, chaos ensuing, self-medicating storm. Ever since my husband left me, it felt that I got sicker and sicker each year. Foolish mistakes, letting people down over and over, losing in every single life battle. Not living up to my potential, you get the drift. I fell so deeply into depression due to my unmanageability of life and my undiagnosed mental illness. I used to be a person of integrity, grit, and full of promise. I depleted into a shell of a human, living just to make it to when it was once again acceptable to lay in bed. My mood swings and alcohol abuse, coupled with my dysregulation of EVERYTHING, led me down a path of life that was barely above water, metaphorically speaking. I prayed to God OVER AND OVER, restore me to sanity. I made one last-ditch effort to call one more psychiatrist and ask to start over and please can we figure out what is wrong... throwing out previous diagnoses, it became clear that the depression and anxiety were symptoms of a different issue altogether. My mental health coupled with my nerve disease, I needed help! So many situations, so many bad decisions. I didn't know how badly I needed the help. It is terrifying to look back on honestly. I began treatment and almost overnight "snapped out of" the literal fog and haze I had been living with for as long as I can remember: further exacerbated by times of high stress and hormonal changes. This doctor has saved my life. Literally. Medication is saving my life. And now, as I look around my life and the mess that I most definitely contributed heavily to, I see this utter mess and wreckage that I caused. I look at my future, and I know that I need to get out of this hole. It's big and deep and both tangible debt as well as emotional work and healing that needs to happen. I am now under close care of a psychiatrist and am in trauma therapy. There is SO much to unpack, address, and repair, and my mind is clear and ready and I do need help. The extremely raw truth is this: I am living day to day in my living situation. I have been unable to contribute more than a couple hundred dollars here and there. I was looking for a job for 10 months straight. I would get to the interview and blow it. Or I would take assessment tests and score very poorly... all things that used to come much more easily to me. I was very sick. I really didn't know it. And now I can see, I really see now! I see how small of a human I had become. I see how my actions impacted everyone around me, and I see how little I took care of myself and let myself go in every way imaginable. This is the definition of humbled. In every way. I have hope now. I was living without any hope for YEARS. I believe in myself again. I proudly work 2 jobs as of weeks ago. I want more.

So, now that I feel like a new human being, I am desperately craving a new start. Do I deserve one? I think so, I really do. I have explained to people (now that I feel better)... it was like I had no soul, I felt nothing at all ever except sadness and anger. Very rarely would I have clarity on any aspect of life. It affected everything. It was torture living life and it breaks my heart how much I hated myself and how much I allowed others to hate me. I have so, so much to do to rebuild, but here is where you can come in!

Most of you that know me know that I have spent the majority of my career in the recruiting/sales field. I loved it. I lived it. I did really well. Until I didn't. My mind is extremely entrepreneurial, always has been. I just lost myself. I never did lose my desire to succeed and for that, I am so thankful. I lost my business in the divorce. I lost myself, my relationship with my older kids, my house, my dignity, my confidence. I haven't felt confident since the day my ex-husband came clean about his affair. (Sorry if all of this is too personal, it's just my story.) From that point forward, until just this past summer, I was spinning wheels, fighting for peace, trying to swim in mud. Now that I have clarity (still tweaking some meds)-- I am living, at 50 years old, for the first time in longer than I can remember. I can see now why my husband left, why no one checks on me, why I feel estranged, alone, and unlovable. That's how I have felt for years. I have felt like no one in the world cares, and that is pretty much what ended up happening. So I lost everything, including the majority of my family, and many short-lived friendships going away.

This is the part in this that I am talking directly to you. You have impacted my life and made me feel worthy at some point in my life. You have inspired me or helped me love myself. You made me feel seen and cared for. I am only sharing this link with people who fit this category.

With this, comes a very unorthodox way of doing things, but I want to express to you a heartfelt apology for anything I've done or anytime that I have not made you feel loved. I can't remember ever feeling loved in my life, other than a handful of people. Now, I am sadly seeing that it was just HARD to deal with me. If you saw past that and stuck around, thank you. If you couldn't and didn't, I truly understand that as well. This is my way of recognizing that and trying to reach a part of you that may see me a bit more clearly. If forgiveness doesn't feel right, I understand that too. Me making this GoFundMe was multi-purposeful. Raise awareness for mental health, apologize and recognize my faulty behavior and actions, and ask for help in a unique way, I think.

Ok, I'm sorry this is so long. This brings me to the help part.

After searching for 10 months for a job, I am now happily employed with 2 jobs. While this is great news and a testament to my medication help, I am so far behind that I don't think I could ask for a loan from anyone. I am asking if you would consider being an investor in my business dream?

I have a business idea. Not just ANY idea... but a really, really damn good one. I have worked and reworked the business plans, ironed, wrinkled, and pressed the details. I thought about going to an investor but who is really going to lend me money? I am in debt... not a LOT, but about a fair amount. My credit is annihilated. Here is where you come in... would you be interested in a one-time donation to me to help me get on my feet? I swore I would never do a GoFundMe, (I posted something a few months ago and after a few donations, I got embarrassed and took it down) and this is the only one I will EVER do. I would recognize anyone who donates on a webpage with a comprehensive list of those that helped get me started, in any way. I am so sure that I can do this and it will afford me a chance at a great second half at life. I want badly to do this and execute this dream of mine.

To get started, I need to get a vehicle (haven't had a car in 2 years--never NOT had a car). I also could really use a stable home (a rental home with a workshop for the business), some equipment, and associated fees with this service-related business. I can run it solo once I get a vehicle. I have my Facebook page set up ready to go, I have a software automation platform I've vetted as well as priced out the majority of the materials in need. I feel like I can make this happen!

For transparency, I want to share as much as I can without boring you to tears.

I am going to use any money that is raised to:

1. Get a vehicle (I think I can get one for 4-5k for a reliable vehicle. This vehicle will serve as a delivery vehicle for the business. It is a must to get started.)

2. Get a house with an area to work/start business (I have identified one for $1350 a month, could get in immediately, but need first and last month.) I don't have any money in my account but get paid in 2 weeks. I can afford rent once I am in, it is just getting in and securing it before it is gone. It is a dream home for me. It may not be the best but it would be ours.

In addition to that, the rest of the goal money if raised will go to the materials needed to start and secure the software platform. This may sound cheesy, but if you donate through this crowdfunding effort, I will be sure to list your name on a specific page thanking each person for their donation... not the amount, any amount will be recognized and appreciated. When I'm rolling in the millions, you can pull up my business site, point to your name and know that you literally helped someone's dream to change their life.

Thank you for reading, thank you for your consideration and allowing me to say so much. I am happy to answer any questions at all, about anything! In many ways, this new lease on life is both hopeful and terrifying, for the first time in so long, I know I will get out on the other side.

With so much respect,

Kristen