Life is hard enough… I whisper to myself as I take my antidepressants… with a side of gummy bears and don’t feel even a little guilty…

… I made a list called 75 *life is hard enough* challenge… except… I couldn’t spell challenge…

… it was too … challanging … chalenging … challemging…

… it was too hard…

… after I made the one spelling error I made another… and now the cover of my list is compromised and ugly…

… on occasion I feel compromised and ugly… like even though the list is exciting and creative on the inside… it’s coffee stains and typos on the outside… and no one knows what good we contain… what adventures are inside of us… the book and I…

… this book is a list of 75 things that bring me joy or might bring me joy… and maybe the tasks might bring you joy too...

… it will be 75 things to do... with 75 blank flat stitch beading patterns (that theoretically could be used to embroider or paint or whatnot)... hopefully you can profit from products you make from the patterns because there is no joy in being unable to afford yarn learn to knit mittens with ... #38... or in being anxious about your phone bill while you try to find a snail in real life... #48...

… this is going to be an ongoing project... because beading 75 things would take me 225 days… if I had the patterns already drafted… and the supplies for such adventures…

… why … 75 * life is hard enough* challenge?

… … a few years ago I discovered this challenge called 75 hard… where you workout and drink water, follow a diet and take a selfie and read 10 pages of a boring book… I mean self help book… everyday for 75 days… and the challenge is… if you forget even one little bit of one thing… you have to start over…

… and I did… over and over and over… because I forget to do things, and I get sick… and my family needs me more than I need to go to the gym… food is too expensive… and there just isn’t enough time in the day…

… I turned to the challenge community… who told me… everyone has the same 24hrs… it’s about self discipline, not comfort… taking care of yourself is how you take care of others… and some of the advice was good and some was lonely loser failure advice…

… the more selfies I took and the more treats I skipped and the more books I tried to read… the more failure lonely loser I felt on the inside… and I already felt compromised and ugly on the outside…

… hard…

… it’s been a while since I’ve thought about this challenge… but when I think about it… I think if there was a challenge more suited to me… one for creating joy… that would be hard enough… because do I deserve joy… do I deserve adventure and excitement? When I am made to endure hard things?

… 75… life is hard enough challenge…