Help Frank and Bobbi Bratman

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. On September 19th my mom went out to run some errands and somewhere along the way she couldn’t remember how to get home or use her phone. After several hours my father was concerned and called her. When she answered she explained that she didn’t know where she was or how to get home. Eventually my dad was able to find her and immediately took her to Scripps Mercy ER. After running many tests, she was diagnosed with a tumor in her brain. September 21st the tumor was removed and sent out for testing.

For the week after the surgery she was in a self induced coma and we couldn’t get her to open her eyes or make any movements to signal she had any mobility. By the second week she started coming to and was moved from the ICU to a standard room. Here she was engaging in physical therapy and was able to get out of bed to walk or use the bathroom. Her memory wasn’t the sharpest and it was here we learned the tumor impacted her optical nerve so one eye has no peripheral vision and the other eye has no direct vision. Another side effect of the surgery was brain swelling and her loss of recognizing shapes, colors and logical reasoning.

By week three she was moved to a rehab facility in the hopes that they would get her to perfect walking on her own with a walker. She was still struggling with some other minor heath issues such as monitoring the heart aneurysm, her diabetes and blood pressure. The facility she was moved to assured us they would assist her with her needs and make sure she was prepared to come home. By week four she had an appointment with the neurosurgeon who informed us that the tumor was a glioblastoma and unfortunately this type of tumor is terminal. At most she has a year, with chemo and radiation it could be extended a little, but we needed to know it was not curable. The glioblastoma will grow back unfortunately very fast and surgery will not be an option at that time. Although this isn’t the news anyone wants to hear, my mom in true Bobbi fashion stayed positive and optimistic.

Week five came around and she was making a little progress with remembering the date and walking with assistance. Everything was baby steps but improvement nonetheless. She visited the oncologist and told them she wanted the treatments even though it wouldn’t cure her. Again, her optimism and positivity is so admirable. After her appointment as my father and her waited for the transport service to pick her up and take her back to rehab she had to use the bathroom. He took her on his own of course and when he assisted her with getting out of the wheelchair she told him she needed to sit down and immediately started taking them both down. He was able to slowly sit her on the ground but he wasn’t able to get her up. It took 4 people to get her back into the wheelchair and that was the first moment my dad realized that there is no way he could fully care for my mom without assistance.

Somewhere between getting back to the rehab facility after the appointment and the next morning my mom suffered a stroke. That weekend she could no longer get out of bed, even with a walker. She couldn’t move any of the left side of her body either. All weekend we kept asking if that was normal and they told us it was due to the brain cancer. It was such a drastic change I just couldn’t understand. So Monday of week 6 rolled around and finally the geriatric doctor came into her room and immediately told the nurse to call 911. I asked what the problem was and she said they believed she had a stroke but only the hospital would be able to assist. Once at Scripps Mercy ER we were told by several doctors that she had indeed suffered a stroke due to brain swelling from the craniotomy. Unfortunately that is a side effect as well as blood clots. It was here they advised us that ultimately if we had her do chemo and radiation at this point we will be causing more discomfort, pain and drawing this out for her. Because she has had a stroke she is susceptible to more, she also is susceptible to seizures due to the tumor growing back and now that she has partial left side paralysis how would we be able to transport her to radiation 5 days a week for 6 months.

Both my dad and I struggled with if this was fair for her, what would be best for her and ultimately how do we explain any of this to her. After her stroke not only does she have the left side paralysis, she also started confusing reality and imagination. We can tell her something and a few minutes later she doesn’t fully remember what was said. Upon telling the ER doctors we were not going to do the treatments, they told us the next step is hospice and there are two options, a nursing facility or at home. Immediately because my parents together made a little over $3000 a month, not including bills they did not qualify for MediCal (Medicaid everywhere else). So without MediCal we wouldn’t be able to choose a facility to keep her in or have an at home nurse, so she would have to come home with hospice.

So here we are two weeks into at home hospice where my dad and I are her caregivers daily. A nurse does come once a week to evaluate her and see if medicines need to be changed or adjusted. An aide comes twice a week to change her bedding, clothes and give her a bath. Everything else is on my dad and I though. Currently I am working at home 8 hours a day with flexibility luckily. My dad hasn’t been as lucky and had ended up having to take unpaid time off to assist with my moms daily needs such as feeding, dispersing hourly meds (even in the middle of the night) and adjusting her in the bed as she is always uncomfortable. Besides these tasks she also cannot get out of bed due to the paralysis so I am changing multiple diapers a day while keeping up with my workload as I cannot take any unpaid time off while he is also taking unpaid time off.

With all of this being said both my dad and I cannot leave the house at the same time nor can we leave for long periods of time. We have to stagger errands and I even have to schedule walking my dog or getting her over to the dog park. My dad cannot lift or rotate my mom as he is in his 70’s and not the strongest so I always have to be available for them. He is scared about his future without my mom but also struggling with the stress of caring for her and how he is going to make ends meet. In order to enjoy more of the time with my mom, I believe that my dad does need a little more assistance monetarily so he can relax a little bit, so any donation would be greatly appreciated by all of us. My mom has not received a pay check in two months and the only income that has been coming in was my dads, until he had to take the unpaid leave. The donations would be used to feed both him and my mom, provide a private nurse for a few hours a day so he can relax during that time as well as get him back to work after his leave is up, assist with their rent and go towards their monthly bills such as meds, diapers, etc. Thank you all for everything even if you can’t donate as your thoughts/prayers/love really mean a lot to us during this difficult time.