Main fundraiser photo

Donate in memory of Seth Dressler

Donation protected
This is going to be graphic , but it needs to be said… people need to know , whether they’re the addict , or someone who loves one , just how heinous this thing can end.

On a Sunday night , my soulmate , Seth Dressler , and our 4 year old son , Conley Wylder, had dinner from our favorite local restaurant. We talked ,laughed, and played. When the time came , we laid down , gave our hugs and kisses. said our good nights & I love yous . The next morning , Monday May 8, I woke up to get ready for work. Everything seemed normal enough. The bathroom door was locked. Conley , our 4 year old baby boy , frequently locked it from the inside and shut it from the outside , so to find the door this way wasn’t overly uncommon. Seth was not in our bed. He didn’t answer me when I knocked on the door. He was an early riser. I just figured he was outside smoking a cigarette.

He was 4 years clean from IV opioid use by this point. So as I looked for a pen to pop the lock , the thought never even crossed my mind on just what exactly I was about to walk into. The moment I got that door open , my life changed forever . I found my partner , the love of my life , the father of my child , my hero , my protector , my ride or die , the hardest working , strongest , toughest man that I loved soooooo much , unresponsive , face down in the bathroom floor. He was apparently planning to take a shower after he used because he had on no clothes. He was purple and blue. Lifeless. His blue eyes were wide open. There was a needle beside of him in the floor . The belt he used to tie off with , and a spoon on the sink.

Just at the sight , I wanted to SCREAM. but God helped me to not. Our baby boy was still asleep. I knew I didn’t want him seeing this. So instead of screaming , I bit my shirt , with tears streaming out of my face, trying not to throw up. I frantically checked for breathing and a pulse , but there were none. He was cold. I knew deep down he was gone , but did not want to believe it. I called 911. I managed to get him flipped over on his back & started doing CPR.

Then Conley woke up. I heard his little feet hit the floor. By the grace of God , his grandparents live right up the hill. I shut the bathroom door before he had time to look in there & told him to walk up the hill to see them and tell them good morning. Also , by the grace of God , he didn’t ask questions as he usually would , he just went up there. They were asleep , but Conley went to all the doors , also thankfully, because that killed some time. By the time he came back down the hill , the squad had arrived & someone in there kept him out there and occupied.

A police officer arrived before the squad did. He took over chest compressions & I started trying to breathe for him with the ambu bag. All of this while he was blue / purple , eyes wide open. I felt like he was looking at me the whole time all of this was going on. I started to break down more when he got there. I begged him to just tell me he was alive. He talked me through it & kept me calm enough to be able to continue to try to breathe for him. I am trained to do this , but it’s a totally different ballgame when it’s the love of your life. The police officer narcanned him twice. It did nothing but add to my delusion that maybe there was hope and that he would wake up and be ok.

The squad arrived. They took over. They told me they had done all that they could do for him and that he had not made it .. and that they suspected he’d been down since about 1-2 AM. I found him at about 6AM. They told me that my little boy was looking for me. I sucked it up the best way I knew how & went out there to be with our baby. He was outside in the ambulance playing with the man who was out there. To see him happily playing was a relief , but it also destroyed me. His life had just changed forever. He had just lost someone he loved & who loved him sooo much. His only daddy. He had no idea, and I had no idea how to tell him.

My greatest fear years prior was having to explain one day to our son that heroin had taken his daddy away , but those fears had long since left me, as he had beaten this thing for YEARS. All I knew in that moment was thst I had to stay strong for Conley. I stopped crying & dried my eyes the best I could before I went out there & tried to keep it together. It didn’t work the best. Because He still asked me why had I been crying & asked where was his daddy. I told him he was still in the bathroom. He asked if he could go in there and talk to him. He had no idea that he’d never get to have anymore talks with his daddy , ever again. Still doesn’t really comprehend the permanence.

Timmy and Robin ( Seth’s father & step mother ) are the grandparents up the hill. They’re like another set of parents to me. Robin woke up to notice all of the commotion and missed calls, and ran down the hill. I had to break the news to her , but in an indirect way so that Conley did not hear. I’ll never forget the look in her tear filled eyes & how she knew she had to go break the news to Timmy I’ll never forget watching her through that ambulance window go back up that hill , knowing his life was never gonna be the same once she got in that door. Knowing she was about to deliver the worst news to him that he’d probably ever receive in his lifetime

I called my mom, my daughter & daughters grandma , who is like a second mother to me ,and my job. The only words I could even get out were “ Seth is gone.” I was devastated. In shock. Traumatized. Confused. Hurt. Mad. Destroyed. Shattered. Broken. Lost. It felt like a bad dream. Like I was just gonna wake up to find it was not real.

There was an array of police , 2 ambulances & family started pulling up. Conley just thought it was so cool that the police and and the ambulance were at his house In his innocent little mind , there was a parade at his house just for him . We had to wait on the funeral home to come get Seths body. I had to choose burial or cremation within hours of finding him dead . My brother took Conley for a walk in the surrounding woods so that he would not see them bringing him out. I’ll never forget seeing him happily walking away with my brother , thinking he was just having the opportunity to show his Uncle T the cool wooded area near his home.

He told us later “ my daddy is dead. When will he be home ?” And as heartbreaking as that question was? It was only the first of many that continue to come.

I am soooo grateful he did not see/ find his daddy that way. He knows how to pop the lock. I was extremely glad he didn’t wake up in the night and find this horrible discovery. He very well could have got ahold of the needle/spoon if so , and I could have found them both dead I thank God every day that it didn’t happen like that.

Within days of this happening Conley was just playing … he locked me out of the bathroom. I could hear him in there laughing , so I knew he was ok , but I got so upset when I could not open the door that when he finally unlocked it , he was like “peek a boo “and I flipped out on him he’s just a kid. He was just playing . He did not deserve that. But it Just like flew out of me I felt like the worst mom ever. The bathroom door had to be removed just for me to be able to function in my own home.

The damndest things can suddenly stop me in my tracks & take my breath away in the worst way. Such as doors. Between what awaited me on the other side of the door that morning & knowing that Timmys life would also be forever changed for the worst upon his door opening , I have a real , true hate/ fear of doors now. Especially locked ones. The yellow high vis shirts he wore daily. You see them everywhere. They’re made to be seen. They can haunt me and comfort me all in the same ten second time frame. The needles at work. The places we’ve been , roads we’ve traveled … also can serve as things that comfort me as well as haunt me . I never know from moment to moment which it will be. That’s just to name a very few. The triggers are no joke , and new ones are discovered regularly. The good times , the great times , the bad times and the worst are forever playing in my head .. a constant battle between what was, what is , what might’ve been, what could’ve been , what should’ve been, and what will never be again. if I’m not thinking about it ? It’s only cuz I’m trying to sleep and my dreams are drowning me. Things that never even used to catch my attention can and do completely change my state of mind in an instant now. The flashbacks are never ending.

If you are planning on using today , please know that you do so with the risk of leaving someone to have to find you in this manner. You’ll be Leaving them for however much time they’ve got left on this earth to miss you. Leaving them with an image they’ll never really recover from. If you’re thinking “ just one more time “ , please know that no matter how many times you’ve used and not died , one time is all it takes to KILL you and put your loved ones through this horror. The trauma is amplified by a million “ what ifs “ a day. The fact that it’s preventable adds a whole other realm of destruction to the loss itself. It is heightened knowing , he was just one room over. There was one wall separating us. As I laid sleeping , he laid that close by , dying. I can tell you, it’s Something I’ll never get over , only get through. And there are more moments than not when I feel I’ll never even accomplish merely getting through it.

Some of you may feel I shared too much here , but I think it’s important to know … I’m just keeping it real if it could be him ? It could be you. Maybe these details can prevent someone else from having to endure this. I can only hope so. Nobody deserves this.

This took a son from his father , and a father from his son. It separated two soul mates. It took a great friend to many. Our world has been forever changed. Even on the sunniest days , since that tragic day in May, there are always clouds of darkness. There is always rain.

it was determined by the coroner that he had died of fentanyl toxicity. A one more time moment of weakness , a hot shot , a substance that he thought was something else cost him his life. It cost our son his father & it cost me the love of my life ! It cost us how it was supposed to be .

Anyone who knew Seth knows he was a very hard worker. He worked hard for the 4 years he had sober . He worked physically hard , manual labor . Rain or shine , in all temperatures to protect and provide. His last job , he worked under the table. No benefits.

He passed nearly a year ago . We still owe the funeral home $9173.00 for the services they provided to honor the life of this incredible man that I was beyond blessed to know and love and be loved by.

If you can help us with these costs , we’d greatly appreciate any and all donations . If you can’t donate , share. It may get in the hands of someone who can financially help. His story may save the life of someone else and spare another family this agony. If you’ve made it this far into these words , thank you for listening. Thank you for your love , prayers , and continued support.
Donate

Donations 

    Donate

    Organizer

    Nikita Dressler
    Organizer
    Millboro Springs, VA

    Your easy, powerful, and trusted home for help

    • Easy

      Donate quickly and easily

    • Powerful

      Send help right to the people and causes you care about

    • Trusted

      Your donation is protected by the GoFundMe Giving Guarantee