How does domestic abuse impact our world?

Most of us have some knowledge on the topic, some ideas, may personally know a survivor or might be a survivor. 

You may have awareness or knowledge of restraining orders, family court, and child custody. You probably believe the system works pretty well to hold abusers accountable and get survivors back on their feet and on to a healthier life. 

For one survivor, that is not the case. 

Rachel* (*Names changed for privacy, please contact the person who shared this link if you want to personally vet Rachel) married her first husband in 2007. She graduated from fundamentalist christian homeschool highschool, did not date, and followed courtship principles leading up to her marriage to Kevin*. Although Kevin was incredibly charming, sweet, and easy to talk to, he already had a history of violence with his family of origin. Rachel believed the blood of Jesus washed away all sins, not realizing the fact he had repeatedly sexually assaulted his sister who is 4 years younger than him was a giant red flag. Kevin claimed it was sibling exploration. Both the younger and older sister claimed it was malignant. Rachel sided with Kevin because she loved him and believed he had asked God's forgiveness. 

For the better part of a decade, Rachel struggled in her marriage to Kevin. She was very naive and did not understand that Kevin's violent blow ups were "real" domestic violence. The first time he put a big hole in a wall, she googled the term "domestic violence" but convinced herself that until Kevin physically attacked her drawing blood, leaving bruises, or breaking bones that she should work very hard on being a Godly wife and making her marriage work, because the holiest way to live the christian life is through a monogamous heterosexual marriage of two virgins. 

Kevin forced Rachel to change her views on sex when he started being unfaithful nearly immediately into the marriage. Kevin would get angry and leave Rachel at home or in the car with their baby and eventually both children so he could spend hours unavailable by phone doing unknown activities. He refused to hold down a stable job as his happiness and satisfaction came above paying the rent or having food for the family. The marriage was filled with financial abuse as Kevin lived selfishly, always putting himself first and expecting Rachel to be the quiet, happy wife with no issues, bad days, or negative emotions. 

Kevin had some brief military training and used the choke holds he learned in boot camp on Rachel more than once. He also grabbed her by the neck when she was pleading with him not to take the car, drive off like a maniac to be unheard from for hours on end. Kevin loved controlling Rachel to the point she didn't realize how truly awful it was. Kevin had a dash cam in the car and used this to record all of Rachel's driving locations and listen to the audio of conversations had via phone or with passengers. If Rachel wanted to talk to a friend in confidence, she could not use her phone because Kevin tracked all her messages and phone calls. She would have to drive to a remote location with a friend, turn off the car, and exit the vehicle. 

Kevin tried to force her to have sex with other people, even going as far as posting her intimate photos on craigslist with her phone number.  Rachel tried to comply with all of Kevin's sexual demands for fear that he would become unfaithful again.

Rachel often found the children in precarious positions while in Kevin's care, once finding him passed out from excessive alcohol consumption with their 3 year old roaming the apartment alone. Another time, she found the children (aged 5 and 1 at that time) unattended near water while Kevin was allegedly switching the laundry over at the laundry center.

Leaving Kevin was the hardest thing Rachel ever did, and she did it half a decade ago. Rachel got through the initial uphill battle and rebuilt her life from the ground up.  The children are now 11 and 7 years old.

So why does Rachel need $10,000 now and why does she need it so fast? 

CUSTODY TRIAL AUGUST 11 and 12

Despite the fact that the divorce and child custody were all settled in family court YEARS ago, Kevin has routinely used his shared custody of the children as an avenue to continue berating, controlling, and abusing Rachel. 

In 2019 Kevin was ordered to pay child support according to local government regulations. His payments doubled and because he tried to avoid it, the court ordered him to make back payments and pay attorneys fees. A month later, he hired his 3rd attorney and filed for emergency change of custody. Rachel was shocked! Thankfully, she had already pursued education enabling her to work in the legal field which helped her navigate the situation and reduce her legal fees. 

What happened? Well, the judge disagreed with Kevin because he had no CWS (Child Welfare Services) or Police reports supporting his assertion that the children were in danger with Rachel as the primary parent. 

As Rachel suspected, after that hearing CWS and police have been involved multiple times, always leaving peacefully because Kevin's fears are unfounded. 

The court ordered a Forensic Psychologist to evaluate the situation. Kevin picked 3 and Rachel chose the most affordable option on that list ($7,000). Kevin paid the bulk of the fee, Rachel did not realize this evaluator has a reputation of siding with the "payor" of the service. Part way through the evaluation, Rachel began to have misgivings about the evaluator. Sure enough, the report is heavily and obviously biased. 

Kevin hasn't stopped trying to be intimately involved with Rachel's personal life. When she first left and had a restraining order, Kevin hacked her personal accounts to view her private messages with friends and family. The court did not care. 

More recently, Kevin created a fake profile pretending to be a domestic violence survivor on social media. He used this to infiltrate Rachel's profile by creating mutual friends. Although Rachel figured it out almost immediately, the damage was done. Kevin took screen shots of Rachel's private social media accounts under the pretense of being a domestic violence survivor in need of support (a cause Rachel remains dedicated to helping others through). Kevin sent this material to the Forensic Psychologist who was more focused on the content of these extremely private profiles than the fact that Kevin had to disguise his way into getting a peek at his ex wife's life. 

Rachel has paid her own legal fees and done the bulk of her own legal work during the past 5 years. She is now a homeowner but has no access to equity at this time and has already used her savings and credit limit. 

Rachel's kickass attorney believes the report can be fought and that the judge presiding over the matter is likely to see through the report and Kevin's ongoing abuse. . . but this is going to require financial resources. There's a possibility that the court may actually decide to protect Rachel, but it's going to take a lot of trial prep, hiring expert witnesses, let alone the fees of a two day trial. 

Please donate and share with urgency, time is of the essence, HELP RACHEL ESCAPE ABUSE!!!