Fight Against Domestic Violence www.survivors.one

I don't think my words can carry the weight of what I endured. When seconds seemed like hours, when the slightest noise made me jump, a touch was like my skin was on fire. After a while, my emotions just died. I stopped living.

I was just existing waiting for the end. I was just blank. I blamed myself. How and why I ever got to this stage in my life, I don't know. Why did I believe everything he said? I wasn't stupid. I was educated, had friends, and had a loving family. Why didn't I see the signs? How did 3 years with him overpower the 25 years I had with my family and friends? 

To date I don't have the answers. Was I stupid? Was I naive? Was it my fault? The worst part was I didn't even realise when I became so distant from the rest of the world and when my world just became about him. It didn't happen overnight, but when the abuse began, even though I had my mobile phone, I had no one to call. Even though the front door was a few steps away, I Had nowhere to go. I was so alone. 

The daily abuse became the new norm, having cigarettes burnt out on my arms, being beaten, and being sexually abused daily. Behind my smile was pain, which no one saw. Behind the White Front door was me, but for 3 years, no one found me. I cooked, cleaned, served, and sat day in and day out in a locked room with four walls, a small window, and a door. I didn't even know what day of the week it was. So many times, I thought of a plan to escape, break the window, slit my wrist, and drink some bleach. But even if I did escape, where would I go? He would follow me, find me, and then what would happen? Even to this day, the thought of him finding me sends a shiver down my spine. 

 In those 3 years, they killed my soul. I had lost hope. I stopped believing. The fear and pain broke me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I self-harmed and, on many occasions, tried to take my own life as I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. It took me over 3 years to leave my abusers, and that too by chance and help from a stranger. 

My abusers left me isolated, with no friends, no contact with family, and no money. Its been 4 years since I fled my situation, but I still suffer from Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, and PTSD. They killed a part of me, and I never will be the girl I was. I don't trust anyone, I can't love anyone, and I can't let anyone come close, BUT that's OK because I am alive and safe right now. I don't wish anyone to have to live through what I did, and I can't sit around thinking others are in the same situation. 

Today I am raising funds to I am raising funds to purchase a property for myself, a home for me and the heart of survivors from where I can support people like me who still suffer in silence. Time may have passed, but I am battling my demons emotionally and mentally. Back in isolation due to covid, the anxiety, the panic attacks, the worry. Mental Health is at its peak. Let's support one another.

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