Breaking Point: Linda's Plea for Compassion and Support

My name is Linda Milam Brown (Benedetto), and I am 63 years old. Very few people know much about me and how quickly I become overwhelmed just doing daily tasks. I am neurodivergent which means my brain processes information in a way that is not typical of most individuals, and it's possible that this aspect of my identity played a role in the abuse I've experienced. Whether it is from being on the autism spectrum or trauma, I persistently face struggles with an anxiety disorder, ADHD, and PTSD.

I want to emphasize the toll that a lifetime of challenges has taken on my mental health. The truth is, I've endured more than most could imagine, and right now, I'm at a breaking point. My mental state is at its lowest, making it impossible for me to navigate these financial hardships alone. I recognize the reality of my situation and I'm reaching out for the support I desperately need.

I'm in significant distress mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Asking for help has never been easy for me, but I humbly reach out to family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, urging them to show compassion to help ease my financial burden. I remain in a state of desperation somewhere between suffocating and drowning. A sudden and substantial decrease in income, coupled with rising living costs including necessities like food, water, electricity, and insurance, along with unexpected medical and dental expenses, has resulted in overwhelming debt.

Now on a fixed income, every day feels like an uphill battle, and I find myself in a place where I need support. The debt continues to grow, accumulating interest and making it increasingly difficult to pay. If I can get help catching up financially, I will then be able to meet basic monthly obligations. I share my story with the hope that your compassion may become a lifeline during this especially dark chapter of my life.

I pray to God everyday. I am always reminded of bible verse Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I have always had hope. Through the years, my faith has been tested. The hardships I have suffered in my life have not been easy, but I have persevered through them starting at an early age. Most of the most beautiful moments in my life have been marred, but my hope, fueled by my faith, has allowed me to survive.

Recent months have been particularly trying in all aspects of my life. It is torture fighting the thoughts in my head and I want to be able to continue to win this battle. I have trouble expressing myself briefly because every time I think of one setback that led me to where I am, it reminds me of other obstacles over the last six decades that still have an impact on my current situation. Over the last decade, it has been increasingly difficult for me to leave my home. This financial debt I am facing now has made it difficult to consistently pay for the medicine I need to calm the anxiety and think rationally. If I can find help to get through this financial hurdle, I will be able to keep healing and improving mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Without going into great detail, as a child I suffered through 14 years of physical abuse, incest, molestation, and rape by multiple adults. I was forced to suffer through unimaginable cruelty and perversion on a weekly basis- my first memory was when I was only four years old. These unspeakable atrocities scarred my soul, and their weight alone would have been unbearable for most. In addition, I was hit by a car when I was five, and I was involved in two other motor vehicle accidents that are still questionable. The shock of lightning coming through the phone at thirteen, projecting me across the hall, added to the traumatic events in my life. I ran away and attempted to report the abuse when I was sixteen, but I was located, beaten up, and brought back home.

At eighteen, desperate to escape the abuse, I volunteered to drive a stranger 1500 miles south. It was God's plan that my car broke down after 1000 miles and the stranger continued on their way. In my predicament, I was forced to call home. After being scolded for being irresponsible, I learned I was just five miles away from the house of an aunt—the same aunt who was with me when I was hit by a car. I'm thankful my aunt took me in for a couple of months. I hoped that would be the end of trauma in my life, but it wasn't.

Periodically, and throughout my life, I've suffered with suicidal tendencies and attempts often with no outwardly trigger. My first attempt was at school when I was 16 years old and it was never talked about. Over the next thirty years, I attempted suicide four more times. Although I haven't been able to eliminate intrusive thoughts, I have learned how to recognize them, and try to take steps to avoid further attempts despite the added anxiety. I believe it is difficult to understand just how much I have accomplished and why I struggle without understanding the severity of the challenges I have faced.

My first marriage, understandably, only lasted three years. In my nearly 30-year second marriage with a significant age gap, navigating mental health challenges was tough. Of course, every marriage has its difficulties, but ours faced additional challenges due to his age and to the nature of his work, which kept him home for only short periods. Despite these issues, I did my best to work and raise three boys, and since his passing, I reflect on the journey we shared, realizing how truly strong I was.

My three children all suffered with a variety of medical conditions and mental health challenges. I did the best I could, but often times my anxiety and frustration presented itself as aggression or anger. I would unknowingly put my oldest son in harm's way when I asked my mother for help. At that time, I still didn't understand my own trauma and I was still trusting. Although my father was sent to jail as a result of the crimes against my son, justice wasn't served and we were forbidden to bring up my abuse. Life continued. As soon as one crisis was averted, another arose. In 2011, I was finally at a place where I was able to take control of all aspects of my life. Within a year, tragedy struck. I lost my 22 year old son who had a seizure while driving.

All of these experiences, among many more I haven't detailed, have deeply impacted my life and my ability to go out into the world. In addition, it has created a lot of blank spots in my memory. There's a lot of stuff I can't remember and the memories can't be retrieved. Things I seem to remember are tied to negative memories which I am trying to replace with more positive thoughts. It's crucial to acknowledge that severe trauma can have a lasting impact, even if you've been able to manage it for years. I've continuously pressed forward, showing strength and resilience even in the toughest moments. However, I've reached a point where I feel utterly drained and exhausted.

Overall, I am mostly healthy, but physical pain has always been part of my life. In my thirties, I had five eye surgeries with short lived results. For the last six years, I've suffered from new daily persistent headaches (NDPH) – it is literally a constant 24/7 headache along with facial pain. After many doctor visits and failed attempts to alleviate the pain, I gave up. This past year, I could no longer use my right arm and shoulder without severe pain, as my arm was healing, I unexpectedly started bleeding in another area of my body. My anxiety kept me from immediately reaching out for medical help. Within a week, I found myself in the emergency room. After many tests, a few follow ups at a specialist, and a biopsy, I had to have surgery. About the same time, I was also having dental trouble. A crown broke and then the permanent bridge I had in my mouth for the last 39 years had to be removed and replaced with a denture. A week after my surgery, I had 8 teeth extracted and a denture in place. Other than some much appreciated long distance support, again I faced serious situations alone.

This is only a small snapshot of some of the more major things I have endured. I was initially reaching out with the goal of raising $20,000, but I must walk away from 2 accounts. I am praying for funds to eliminate $350 per month overwhelming debt that threatens my home and well-being.

Your contribution – whether big, small, or somewhere in between is key to unlocking my future. Your generosity will make a meaningful difference in my life. It will help sustain me while I struggle through this storm and help me hang on to hope.

Although anxiety has kept me captive in my home for several years, I've been working through my mental health issues with therapy. In addition, I have turned over all my problems to God “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). Doctors are tending to my physical health and I am recuperating well.

Thank you for reading this portion of my story and considering a financial donation. I understand I am asking for a lot of money and many in the world are facing similar or worse hardships. I am grateful for any help you are able to offer. Please pray for me, and if you find this on your heart share this Go Fund Me link with your friends and family.

Another way to show support is through my books, free on Kindle Unlimited. You can find them on any amazon site worldwide by searching my name Linda Milam Brown

https://www.amazon.com/author/abbye