disabled & nearly homeless

hello yet again internet! first i'd like to say victoria is my dead name, working on changing it, please call me peach or jack.

i'm asking for for $600 for rent ($450), bills ($100), and food ($50). my paypal is catchingtheblues@gmail.com if that's easier for you. i can't survive without this help. i need it by december 31st.

i've been through a lot of trauma (child abuse, abusive partners, getting hit by a truck in september of 2018) and it's left me with depression, anxiety, BPD, PTSD, and DDD - depersonalization/derealization disorder, the main reason i need help.
i haven't felt real or awake for nearly seven years now. i was functional before the accident, but after that i lost myself. (i did go through a lot of tests. not brain damage, not seizures, this is psychological.) i had to quit the best job i ever had. i've been trying and failing to get disability but my health insurance refused to do anything, leaving me without a source of income.
i've done a few of these fundraisers now, trying to avoid it as much as possible, but i don't have anything left. once again, i'm on the verge of being homeless.
i'm trying to find somewhere to live where i can stay and get the support i need to heal and overcome DDD, but so far i don't have anywhere to go. considering it needs to be long-term so i can truly recover. (i've also applied to get state insurance, it will kick in next year and i can get a new psychiatrist), in the meantime, i'm asking for your help. if you can't donate, please share.

a bit about DDD and how it affects me:
on bad days, i can't read or think. i exist, but nothing else. i don't remember who i am, who my friends and family are. i've almost walked into traffic multiple times because i'm dissociating constantly, and i've gotten lost walking routes i've been using for a year. i have panic attacks when i forget where i am in my own home. sometimes it feels like i'm a different age, 16 again living with my parents, and i have severe flashbacks that lead to more anxiety. i have no sense of time or self.
on a good day, i can remember some people. not everyone. i still get confused a lot, not recognizing people or my face in the mirror. i trail off and forget what i'm saying as i'm saying it, and i have to ask often if i'm using the right word because i can't remember the definition. i'm right about half the time. if i can remember who i am for just a couple hours, i count that as good.

my condition has gotten worse as time passes and i'm barely able to take care of myself. i forget to eat for days, not feeling hunger. i can hardly go out, terrified that i'll get into an accident because i'm not taking in everything around me, or i'll get lost and not be able to find my way back. so much of my life revolves around fear now because i just want to live, but there are so many obstacles in my way and sometimes it feels like it's all too much.
please help me. share this if you don't want to donate, please.
i appreciate it. you can contact me on tumblr (stupidlysweetpeach), twitter (takenbyfae), or discord (peach#0420). i'll answer any questions you have.

(looking at my own face makes me panic. i made this picture to show how ddd feels to me. i used the site https://29a.ch/sandbox/2011/neonflames/#)
(here's a video that describes what ddd feels like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvLF0_8a-cA)

Donations ()

  • Anonymous 
    • $50 
    • 4 mos
  • Kristína Habuštová 
    • $20 
    • 5 mos
  • Kristína Habuštová 
    • $20 
    • 5 mos
  • Kristína Habuštová 
    • $20 
    • 5 mos
  • Anonymous 
    • $20 
    • 5 mos
See all

Organizer

Jack Arcadia Vale 
Organizer
Turlock, CA
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