Hello friends and community members. I’ve found myself in a strange and unknown place and am asking for some financial assistance. Asking for any assistance is difficult and raises a lot of feelings for me, so I’m going to separate this into facts and feelings. Please read, donate and share if you can or care. <3

 

 

 

Facts:

My dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and has not prepared anything for his immediate care, potential hospice or end of life costs. Most of this burden is falling on me to manage his bills, do his taxes, clear out his apartment, move him into assisted living, sell his car to pay his debts, research end of life care, set up any burial accommodations and handle any legal fees pertaining to debt collection and his will.

 

I quit my 9-5 (which had its own issues) to take some time to take care of him after his back surgery in May and was denied unemployment and Paid Family Leave was not an option due the small size of the company. After slowly getting back into the stride and hustle of non 9-5, this cancer diagnosis in November has slowly taken my energy and finances to a place that is not sustainable and truthfully a little scary.

 

I’m trying to find the balance of having the energy and focus to pick up more jobs, but everyday is a new challenge of Dad going back into the ER for chemo complications, managing a mix up or delay in meds, and just any number of general issues that are hard to balance while trying to just make my own life function.

 

There are a number of other levels here such as family mental illness and disability, the ongoing bed bug saga (which I will not get into here), my Dad’s heart disease and well, my own health.

 

 

 

 

Feelings:

I don’t feel v connected to my family so this is an even stranger thing to do. Whatever feelings I do have are usually compartmentalized to function in general and even more so in this caretaker space. To provide emotional support will break my concentration on all these other tasks that need to get done. At the same time, it's hard not to have compassion for someone who is deteriorating before your eyes and I do want to open this space for my own potential healing. Maybe there will be some time for that. idk.

 

I love this community more than I love my family. I’ve helped raise over $10 k for out of work s3x educators and SWers  during the covid shutdown in 2020, I recenly created a space to raise money for Dyke Day LA , I’m currently coproducing an event donating a portion of proceeds to queer and trans communities in Puerto Rico, I’ve lent my time and energy to causes I love and support over the years. Way more than to my own family and vice versa.

 

I know I’m not the only one struggling, but I've exhausted all other means of staying afloat at this time. The amount is less than what I need but more than I feel ok asking for. But that’s the compromise btwn these facts and feelings.

 

 

 

THANK (deep da diddi diddi dun dun) YOU.

 

 
Thank you to everyone who continues to support these projects, events, and my well-being. I underestimated the amount of work, time, energy and money this would be, so my deepest thank you’s to anyone for supporting. Hoping to get out of this hole and come up for air soon.

I chose GFM to tell this story, but if venmo is better, you can find me @magiqhour on the venmo platform .

 

Banner Image: excerpt from my Dad's will. Now you know my middle name, which actually is Michele, but I know he's got a good (bad) heart.

 

<3

XO,