Help a Single Mom Secure Legal Support

It's been a while, guys. I feel like I've been absent for years. Let me catch y'all up with what's been going on. Major, major trigger warnings here.

TL;DR some seriously traumatic stuff with SA and abuse. I have my feet under me and we're all good now. Absolutely need help funding a lawyer. If you want to skip all the gross stuff.

Let me start with what I'm grateful for during this whole process. I'm grateful for the people who have supported me this whole way. You have no idea how much it has meant to me even though I'm a distant mess. I'm grateful for my awesome kids who have been strong and resilient the whole way. There's been lots of hugs and tears and nights piled on an air mattress. Margaux is my pocket bestie and Sebby is more agreeable than ever. I'm grateful for the peace and stability I've gained. I'm ever grateful for my clients that have been understanding during this absolute mess. I'm beyond grateful for my amazing partner who's shown me I'm more resilient than I could have ever thought.

October 2023, my ex and I split after multiple SA allegations against him. We continue to cohabitate for the sake of the kids and try to work things out to reconcile.

May 2024, I asked for the house equity to be split so we can be done. He refuses to leave the house or split any equity. I leave because I do not want to live with my rapist and I don't know when it's going to happen again. I'm tired of living in SA and didn't believe the pattern is going to change. I packed up the kids and left 5/14/2024 My ex lets me stay in the house for a bit after that date. That is until I start hearing exterior doors opening in the morning (they were locked) and strange things like my car door being open when I wake up (he has my spare). He swears up and down it wasn't him, but his location data said he was at the house when the exterior door was opened and location was turned off the day of the car door. Once I get spooked and leave, he changes the locks, leaving his kids homeless. He INSTANTLY lawyers up and refuses to talk about anything.

June 2024, kids and I are couch surfing. Finally secure an apartment by myself at the end of the month. I received no help from the ex but so much love and support from my network.

July 2024 to present, the ex has been meeting co-parenting with threats from his lawyer and holding all my items over my head. Everything is a fight. Everything. I am okay. I've been struggling but it feels good to know I'm SO much happier doing this myself as a single mom. I have my kids, I have my home.

There's still no movement in the house equity. Him and I were never legally married. Why, you ask? In 2018, he didn't have a job that provided health insurance. The kids and I were on Medicaid and it was much more cost-effective to not. I have medications that I cannot cold turkey on and having stable access to health care is important to me. He finally got a job with insurance 3 years ago and still (even now!) doesn't have coverage for the kids. That being said, I've paid literal equity into the house. I've made mortgage payments as well as paid to get the house out of foreclosure in 2024 because he had not paid it. I have paid for renovations, improvements, as well as personal labor renovating that house. It was my residence. I'm owed equity, legally married or not. My ex has told me I will have to go after him with a lawyer for anything. He will be taking the house in the meantime.

But at least he's a good dad, right? Last month, he ignored me for 3 weeks asking for the kids' coats. First, he wouldn't give them to me because I wouldn't tell him specifically the method to get them to me. Then I got ignored for three weeks. Then when I finally told him a method, he didn't get them to me because he couldn't find them; they're lost. He asked me where they were in HIS house and said he's not doing anything until I tell him where they are. I asked him to replace the coats because they were lost at his house and he accused me of taking them. The next week, the kids show up with coats. Took over a month. The kids notice the pettiness. They want it to stop too. Does he support them financially? No. I've gotten all the extra stuff. If they want Halloween costumes, he says that's on me. During the whole month of October, he had the kids two days.

Do I have my stuff yet? No. He will not help me move in any way. He kept the kids' beds. He only has them 4 nights a month and he refused to help me buy ones. I've had a chance to get small things. But when it comes to furniture, he's contesting ownership of my family's heirloom furniture. He will not watch the kids so I can move, help physically with packing, sorting, or moving, or help with transportation. Twice I have arranged childcare, help for myself, and rented a U-Haul. I gave notice and both times I was not allowed access. I brought law enforcement with me the second time and he ignored all attempts to contact him for a month after that, including requests for kids' coats like mentioned above.

He's given me a month's deadline to get my things or he's considering them forfeit. He promised as long as I give him 24h notice and it's not a holiday, he will give me access. Now he's refusing me access this weekend and going back on his word again. I'm scared of losing priceless personal family items. Especially since I'm already estranged from them.

So now here's the ask. I need to hire a lawyer. He refuses to give me any equity in the house, is holding my personal belongings over my head, and has used his lawyer to avoid supporting his kids and keep me financially leveraged so I can't fight back. I have tried to have very adult and reasonable conversations that always devolve into dodging and non-answers from him. The last one was three days of me asking him for a definition of co-parenting we both can agree on so we can move forward with that. I can't get movement one on one through him. He's hiding behind his lawyer and would rather have him handle everything. His lawyer won't return my calls. I need to be able to defend and take the stress of dealing with this man off of me.