Remembering Mila Brooklyn Perme

May 15, 2019

Stillborn, Still Loved

Time. How do you measure it? Do you measure by the hour, the minute, or the second? Do you measure by the moment, the feeling, or the experience? However, you measure time; if you’re reading this right now, I bet you’ve wished to have more time at some point in your life.

My husband Taylor and I are raising money to purchase a device called a Cuddle Cot and to donate it to the hospital in Mila’s memory. This device will give grieving mothers and families impacted by stillbirth and infant loss just that - more time.

On May 15, 2019, at 12:36 pm, we welcomed our first child, Mila Brooklyn Perme. Stillborn, still loved. Immediately following the words, “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat,” it’s as if time has frozen…but no one told the clock. You’re hit with a hurricane of emotions flooding and clouding your mind. You’re agonizingly trying to comprehend what you’ve just heard. —repeating every word, sounding out every syllable of that sentence in your mind repeatedly. Images of your doctor giving you the news, replaying the motion of their lips as you hang on every word coming out of their mouth, trying to make sense of how we got here. You may even be so shocked or disbelieving that you begin to deny and bargain with the doctor, “No, I just felt a movement, so you must be wrong. Can you check again?” That’s what I did. Then I lay there paralyzed by the silence and stillness of the monitors and motionless screens where I once heard the sweetest sound of all time, my daughter's heart beating beneath my own. It was silent. It was still.

Time, as reality hits, I realize that still, no one has told the clock to stop for just a minute here. Everything is moving so quickly now. Everyone is rushing in, asking questions, directing every minute of every hour as time continues.

It feels so fierce to immediately answer so many questions and process life-changing events in such a short amount of time. Mostly, the questions were about how we wished to spend time with Mila post delivery. Some of those questions were:

We have to begin the labor process. A vaginal delivery or C-section?

Do you want an autopsy?

Do you wish to arrange a service, burial, or cremation?

Do you want a photographer here to capture these moments?

Do you have a special outfit, blanket, or toy that you wish to be here with your baby?

Do you like us to take hand prints, hair, clippings, measurements, and molds?

Do you want your baby to get baptized?

Do you want the opportunity to bathe your baby, change her diaper, sing her a lullaby, change her clothes, brush her hair, or read her a story?

TIME. I needed more time to process this traumatic, devastating turn of events. Enter the Cuddle Cot, a device that gives more time to grieving mothers and families to say goodbye.

In the case of stillbirth, a family doesn’t have much time to spend with their baby. The limited time with the baby is only a reminder to the parents of what they lost. The Cuddle Cot aims to change that. The Cuddle Cot delays the stillborn baby’s body from deteriorating.

The Cuddle Cot works by circulating cold water to a small flexible hard pad placed under the baby. The cold pad reduces the infant’s core body temperature through direct contact. The system allows the baby to stay cool in the maternity department, in a portable crib or Moses basket at the Mother's bedside. The Cuddle Cot gives parents time to make choices and has more options during a tough time.

Your donation towards our purchase of a Cuddle Cot to donate in Mila’s name for all of the babies born sleeping to use is greatly appreciated. Any excess funds raised will also be donated for use in women’s services and bereavement expenses. Words can’t express how much it means to us to have the support of our friends and family on our journey through navigating life after loss to ensure that Mila's legacy lives on.