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Bastion Porter Cohen was stillborn on March 25, 2020. Autumn and I want to honor the 38 weeks we had with him by helping other families get the chance to spend time with their little one like we did.
We'll be using this gofundme to help raise money for a cuddle cot.
What is a cuddle cot? The CuddleCot system cools baby allowing families to stay together before being moved to the morgue and is in use in thousands of hospitals across the world.
If we're blessed enough to surpass our goal we'll be buying various items to help families cope. This could include weighted teddy bears, memorial bracelets, shadow boxes, etc.
This is only step one of Bastion's legacy. We're in the process of setting up a non-profit. After this gofundme wraps up, we'll continue doing what we can to help families who have lost a loved one.
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For those of you who attended baby Bash's memorial or for those of you who couldn't make it - this was my speech and our story:
I remember being 16 years old and thinking that I'll never have kids. I didn't like them and couldn't see myself being a dad. A year later, I met Autumn and she definitely wanted kids. We got married at 20, and I told her the only way I'd be comfortable getting married so young, is if we waited at least 5 years to have a child. 5 years goes by and I still didn't want any children. At this point, Autumn was asking to have a baby basically every day. 19 months later we brought our baby girl Adeline into the world. Just like that my life was changed forever. I felt a love stronger than anything I've ever felt. At our 6-week checkup, my first question to the doctor was if we could start trying for another baby.
A year and a half later, August 2019, we found out we were pregnant. I really really wanted another girl. We would call her Clara Jean. 20 weeks later we got to find out the gender. We were having a boy. I was nervous and scared, I already knew how to take care of a girl. Plus we already had a name picked out.
5 weeks later the doctor told us he had two soft markers. Meaning he could have down syndrome or worse. We took some tests and found out 2 days after Christmas that there was a 99% he was fine. At this point, I didn't care whether we had a boy or a girl, I just wanted him to be healthy. However, we still couldn’t come up with a name.
2 months later, in February, his soft markers were gone and the doctor told us we had nothing to worry about.
A couple of weeks later it was Autumn’s sisters wedding. We still wanted to be as cautious as possible, so Adeline and I went to the wedding without Autumn.
On Tuesday, March 17th he was 37 weeks old and a healthy baby boy. At this appointment he was full-term. 3 weeks until his due date.
On Monday, March 23rd we finally decided on a name! Bastion Porter Cohen. Our baby Bash.
The next day, Tuesday, March 24th we went to the hospital after noticing a low kick count and they couldn't find a heartbeat. He was gone. 2 weeks until his due date.
On Wednesday, March 25th at 2:28am he was delivered stillborn. Although we can’t know for sure, the doctor said it was likely a cord accident. He was 5lbs, 9ounces, 19inches. He was adorable. Looked just like his big sister. A mom who went through something similar donated a cuddle cot so that we could be with him our entire stay at the hospital. We got to spend 12 hours with him.
These were two of the hardest days of our lives. Something I hope none of you ever have to go through.
Raising a child is an extraordinary experience. They learn so fast and it’s amazing to watch. Some of my favorite moments from Adelines childhood so far have been; her first time sitting up on her own. We were busy, turned around..and there she was. Sitting up. We had no clue how she did that! I remember it so vividly. Ive loved watching her learn to walk, eat, and swim. My favorite has been watching her learn to talk. She sings songs with us, helps us cook, and gives us hugs when we’re sad. I'm deeply saddened that Autumn and I will never get to experience these moments with Bastion, that our daughter won't get to experience being his big sister, and that he never even got a shot at life.
There is a quote I've seen that feels very relevant here. While Bastion was only with us for a small part of our lives, we were with him his whole life. We never got to meet him, but he was there for some pretty amazing moments. He got to be with us for 37 weeks of conversations, songs, and laughter. He got to hear his big sister learning how to count, learning her ABCs, and create her first couple of songs. Notably her Goodbye song.
Even though Adeline doesn't understand, It’s heartbreaking to know that Adeline doesn't get to be a big sister to Bastion. We talked about him every day and she would kiss him on mommy's belly at night. She loved him and was so excited to show him the world.
Bastion, if you can somehow hear me out there - I'm sorry your life ended before it could even begin. I promise to do good in your name. I promise to take care of your mommy and sister. I promise to never forget you. Mommy, daddy, and Adeline love you so much. We miss you every second. I hope we get to meet you some day.
We'll be using this gofundme to help raise money for a cuddle cot.
What is a cuddle cot? The CuddleCot system cools baby allowing families to stay together before being moved to the morgue and is in use in thousands of hospitals across the world.
If we're blessed enough to surpass our goal we'll be buying various items to help families cope. This could include weighted teddy bears, memorial bracelets, shadow boxes, etc.
This is only step one of Bastion's legacy. We're in the process of setting up a non-profit. After this gofundme wraps up, we'll continue doing what we can to help families who have lost a loved one.
-------------------------------------------
For those of you who attended baby Bash's memorial or for those of you who couldn't make it - this was my speech and our story:
I remember being 16 years old and thinking that I'll never have kids. I didn't like them and couldn't see myself being a dad. A year later, I met Autumn and she definitely wanted kids. We got married at 20, and I told her the only way I'd be comfortable getting married so young, is if we waited at least 5 years to have a child. 5 years goes by and I still didn't want any children. At this point, Autumn was asking to have a baby basically every day. 19 months later we brought our baby girl Adeline into the world. Just like that my life was changed forever. I felt a love stronger than anything I've ever felt. At our 6-week checkup, my first question to the doctor was if we could start trying for another baby.
A year and a half later, August 2019, we found out we were pregnant. I really really wanted another girl. We would call her Clara Jean. 20 weeks later we got to find out the gender. We were having a boy. I was nervous and scared, I already knew how to take care of a girl. Plus we already had a name picked out.
5 weeks later the doctor told us he had two soft markers. Meaning he could have down syndrome or worse. We took some tests and found out 2 days after Christmas that there was a 99% he was fine. At this point, I didn't care whether we had a boy or a girl, I just wanted him to be healthy. However, we still couldn’t come up with a name.
2 months later, in February, his soft markers were gone and the doctor told us we had nothing to worry about.
A couple of weeks later it was Autumn’s sisters wedding. We still wanted to be as cautious as possible, so Adeline and I went to the wedding without Autumn.
On Tuesday, March 17th he was 37 weeks old and a healthy baby boy. At this appointment he was full-term. 3 weeks until his due date.
On Monday, March 23rd we finally decided on a name! Bastion Porter Cohen. Our baby Bash.
The next day, Tuesday, March 24th we went to the hospital after noticing a low kick count and they couldn't find a heartbeat. He was gone. 2 weeks until his due date.
On Wednesday, March 25th at 2:28am he was delivered stillborn. Although we can’t know for sure, the doctor said it was likely a cord accident. He was 5lbs, 9ounces, 19inches. He was adorable. Looked just like his big sister. A mom who went through something similar donated a cuddle cot so that we could be with him our entire stay at the hospital. We got to spend 12 hours with him.
These were two of the hardest days of our lives. Something I hope none of you ever have to go through.
Raising a child is an extraordinary experience. They learn so fast and it’s amazing to watch. Some of my favorite moments from Adelines childhood so far have been; her first time sitting up on her own. We were busy, turned around..and there she was. Sitting up. We had no clue how she did that! I remember it so vividly. Ive loved watching her learn to walk, eat, and swim. My favorite has been watching her learn to talk. She sings songs with us, helps us cook, and gives us hugs when we’re sad. I'm deeply saddened that Autumn and I will never get to experience these moments with Bastion, that our daughter won't get to experience being his big sister, and that he never even got a shot at life.
There is a quote I've seen that feels very relevant here. While Bastion was only with us for a small part of our lives, we were with him his whole life. We never got to meet him, but he was there for some pretty amazing moments. He got to be with us for 37 weeks of conversations, songs, and laughter. He got to hear his big sister learning how to count, learning her ABCs, and create her first couple of songs. Notably her Goodbye song.
Even though Adeline doesn't understand, It’s heartbreaking to know that Adeline doesn't get to be a big sister to Bastion. We talked about him every day and she would kiss him on mommy's belly at night. She loved him and was so excited to show him the world.
Bastion, if you can somehow hear me out there - I'm sorry your life ended before it could even begin. I promise to do good in your name. I promise to take care of your mommy and sister. I promise to never forget you. Mommy, daddy, and Adeline love you so much. We miss you every second. I hope we get to meet you some day.