If you find it in your heart to contribute to my ridiculously surreal Capitol Hill endeavor, your generous and insanely appreciated contribution will go towards a variety of things including:
- Housing: if all else fails, I'm more than ready to set up shop in a halfway house or sleeping in the Metro station...
- Gas: Even if I don't end up sleeping in the Metro station, I'll be utilizing it quite frequently. But, periodic trips to my relatives that I love and cherish oh so dearly would be nice.
- Nourishment: Canned beans, rice, the occasional apple. I'm not picky. I just don't have the immune system necessary for dumpster diving so I'd like to avoid it as much as possible.
- Healthcare: I'm overdue for a teeth cleaning, guys. Seriously. And being able to pay prescriptions would be lovely.
- Stamps: I'm going to send a zillion letters to all of you wonderful generous people while I'm there. The majority of my million dollar funding goal comes from the calculated total of all my postal expenses.
- Threads: I vow not to spend your hard earned money on Jincos and flip flops. But, I am from Florida. My egregious lack of fall and winter attire is disheartening. I may actually freeze to death... sleeping on a Metro platfrom.. eating canned pinto beans.
Your kind and caring charitable donation will NOT go towards:
- Crystal Meth or any other illicit substance one might find in DC Metro stations.
- Attire unrelated to A: Weather or B: Professional attire. I do have to at least somewhat look the part.
- Homeless people. Yes, everyone knows that I am a sucker and moderately naive. But, I promise not to go around throwing your donations at everyone who asks me for a buck. I'll use my own funds for that.
In short and in all seriousness, this is an amazing opportunity and I can't wait to get started. I just want to be able to dig in, work hard, and make a difference. Any little bit of cheddar you could throw my way would absolutely and completely make it a tad bit easier and more feasible. And if all goes as planned, all benevolent philanthropists who slide a few bucks my way will receive:
- Free legal advice once I finish law school (I'll give it to you now if you really want it, but it'll hold a bit more weight if there's a JD behind my name)
- Unlimited permission to name drop your BFF Congresswoman Jessie Caudill in the future.
- If you donate an amount that equates to a nice dinner out... I'll cook you one that's comparable to Julia Child's and you don't have to put on real pants. You can't beat a steak dinner in sweat pants.
- You will feel awesome! I can be a pretty cool cat and I'm just out here trying to get to place where I can make a difference. So by donating to my internship fund, you are actually investing in possibly world peace, a cure for cancer, the end to homelessness, and lower college tuition rates.
- Finally, I will love you and be grateful for you forever. I mean, I probably would anyway, but this would really nail it down.
Thanks for considering my fund donation-worthy. I assure you, it is. Or at least I think so, and I'm a pretty smart cookie.
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