Thursday morning my big sister lost the love of her life, my niece lost her daddy and so many others lost Corey.

all of our hearts are broken in ways that for so long we’ve fought as a family to stop. I am so grateful to have watched the unconditional love that my sister and Corey showed each other for over a decade. the way she held him up, the way he let her in and held her close. the way they held on to each other every time addiction and death and pain came with its claws out. the way she threw herself in front of the monster, the way he fought tirelessly to protect her from it. there are so many things that you will never get, now, corey- but I will focus on what you got. what I had the pleasure of watching, because even in all the hardest moments- I saw my sister for who she was. marching in terrified, all alone with all of her hope hanging in the sky, for you- never turning around, never pulling it all down. and I saw you, with a beast torturing you, missing your momma, missing your brother- still a shining example of what it was to show up and keep trying, to be kind and hopeful and understanding and steady in the storms. to smile anyway, you always did.

within hours of finding and losing your brother to his own demons.. I watched you officially became a dad. this juxtaposition of death and life, joy and pain was almost too much to look right at- but I watched as you lived it. as you held on to your sobriety, your family, your brothers legacy, your new role as a father, your pain… and smiled anyway. for ellie grey, and for yourself.

and just over a month ago I watched as you all pulled up to Michigan in a uhaul, dreams packed to the roof. the fresh start that you earned, deserved and should still have. I dreamed up how the sky here would heal you how it’s healed me. Thursday morning you started getting ready for a new job, your new shoes were laced up with hope when you left this earth. I know you didn’t give up. I know you were surviving. you were trying. I know you looked in the mirror and wished so many things. I like to think.. you smiled anyway.

you were not your addiction or your pain, Corey. we saw you. we are proud of you.

you will be remembered as a loving father, you will be celebrated for unconditional love and triumph over so much heartbreak. drugs didn’t win. we know who you are and your daughter always will, too.

So here I am, ready to be my sisters reason to smile anyway. Addiction has chewed me up and spit me back out time and time again.. but here I am and thanks to Corey, I will make sure we all smile anyway. please consider helping my sister as she makes final arrangements for the love of her life and future plans for her and her babies.