Hi y'all. My name is Claire, and I've been hit with a lengthy spell of bad luck. Apologies to the mirror I must have broken seven odd years ago.

The most recent blow (updated August 2025):

I had a severe reaction to something in my home while recovering from an incapacitating injury. Doctors all but ordered me to get out, and while trying to salvage a few things, I had another major exposure to something from my past (see below). I lost everything. This is the third time. I have moved somewhere safe and am rebuilding my life. After nearly a year in perpetual survival mode, I am finally feeling somewhat like myself again. I am healing. I have a roof over my head, but little else.

Nothing outside of that injury was part of the original gofundme. This was a massive absolutely life destroying development. Though I keep most of my relationships off of here for the privacy of the people I love, there is quite a bit more happening as well, and those blows have also been devastating.

Onto what I wrote 9 months ago, in December 2024, when I started this gofundme.

———

The most recent blow:

I severely injured my back in September, spending a month and a half in bed, unable to care for myself. I lost work opportunities because I could not and cannot sit up long enough to work in an office. On my way to a crucial doctor's appointment, I hydroplaned, totaling my car. It'll be another two months before the doctor is available again.

That is the cherry on top of a "What the hell else could happen?" sundae. There is a more complete picture.

(CW for mention of medical issues, suicidal ideation, self-harm, and intentional weight loss)

-----

Over that span of seven + years, I have unknowingly lived in an apartment with carbon monoxide in it, developed health problems from that exposure (24/7 migraines and sensation of not breathing), said goodbye to my cat while recovering and left her in the trusting hands of a good friend, sought treatment for health issues without success (many years later mostly managed), had my stored belongings ruined by a very cute but very unwelcome clan of mice, lost pretty much everything I owned, severely injured my back while working, fought for treatment through two years of pain, had surgery days before going into lock-down, lost work during the pandemic, lost unemployment payments during the pandemic due to a payment calculation error, developed constant tinnitus from a low plane flyover, continued battling prevalent pain and mobility limitations.

Whew. That's a lot. We're up to 2021. Let's keep going.

I developed severe treatment resistant depression with suicidal ideation, took a leave of absence for treatment only for that treatment to make my tinnitus worse, traveled cross country for specialized treatment only for that treatment to make my tinnitus worse, challenged my mobility limitations to try to find any joy in living, and joined an experimental study to treat the severe treatment resistant depression.

I came into contact with some unknown airborne chemical that set off a full body feeling of being on fire (as well as in my lungs where I breathed it in), had that hazard enter my home and cover my belongings, lost my mind from a full sleepless week of constant burning pain, spent a month in the hospital, lost my job while recovering, and was tricked out of long term disability benefits on a technicality despite doing the work to make sure everything was lined up.

I learned most of my belongings could not be effectively cleaned, lost pretty much everything I owned for the second time (the rest is in a 5x5 storage unit that I am terrified to enter, still causes burning despite being cleaned, and will be thrown out this month), and I lost my home.

I underwent EMDR therapy to treat PTSD, built my life back, and lost my job following the fallout from severe budget cuts...

We are up to a year ago. This is the home stretch, I promise.

I applied and applied and applied for job after job without success, did not qualify for unemployment due to an automated error, developed visual snow syndrome, underwent treatment not covered by insurance out of desperation (there is no cure, this doctor sold me snake oil), learned I had a disease with a roughly 10 year life expectancy, made peace with that for a month, learned that actually I do have the disease but not of that severity, made lifestyle changes and coped with that extreme emotional whiplash, and fruitlessly continued looking for work.

At the end of September, 2024, I had a major back injury that left me nearly immobile in bed for a month. I am still recovering.

I lost the in person job leads I had because I could not and cannot sit up long enough to work in an office, learned I have two disc herniations (one torn, one encroaching on the nerve root) as well as some other tendon/muscular issues, and..

This week, on my way to an appointment to get treatment for that back injury after two and a half months of waiting, I hydroplaned going around a bend in the highway and totaled my car.

-----

This is far from an exhaustive list; These are just the highlights. I have been battling severe mental illness and suicidal ideation while coping with all of this, have developed (and now have mostly managed) self-harming behaviors, and I've taken medication to help me function that definitively makes that depression and ideation worse.

I desperately want to go "home," wherever that might be.

I see my therapist weekly and other medical professionals consistently. They know of all of this - I have the help I need on the mental health front.

-----

What I am doing to proactively fix this:

I am fighting like hell to keep living my life. As much as I can, I stay present and active in the world, even when the consequence when I come home is all consuming debilitating pain. I have lost 15 pounds - woo; The lifestyle changes are working. I have drastically changed my personal habits, and have worked very hard to keep a tighter and tighter budget while trying to stay healthy. But I am in pain, and out of time.

Last week, before the crash, my primary care doctor ordered a battery of tests trying to figure out why some of the stranger health issues not listed in detail here have been happening. I've had several procedures this year that are their own lengthy stories. Preventative medicine is important in heading off worse issues in the future. (For example - We found and removed pre-cancerous tissue, then underwent another procedure to clear another potential area for it.) Each CT and MRI costs $400. As I'm sure you know, everything is expensive. Basic food is expensive. And the job market is brutal.

I have applied for and been successful in joining several remote-work contracts. They required a good amount of studying, preparation, and testing. Once I passed and began work, the contracts were paused, or I needed four more certifications, or… yeah. It was a waste of time, and I feel taken for a fool.

I did begin physical therapy. The physical therapist informed me that the treatment I was on my way to the doctors to consult on is necessary for recovery. The next available appointment is not until Valentine’s Day. I am trying to find earlier ones. In the meantime, I am in pain reduced-mobility limbo.

I am working to make myself more competitive in the job market by completing certification programs. I am applying to remote job after remote job. It has been seven plus years of fighting like hell to come back from blow after blow, and I have not given up yet. I am incredibly grateful for the friends and family who have been there over the years – I cannot tell you how thankful and how invaluable you are.

-----

The reality of the present:

I have tens of thousands of dollars of debt, I am out of savings, I cannot and have not paid for the most basic necessities, and the medical bills keep piling up.

The amount requested in this GoFundMe would pay for most of this month’s and next month’s insurance premiums, imaging, doctor’s co-pays, back-due rent, electric and gas, basic groceries, and internet so that I can keep applying.

I promise, I am still fighting.

I really did break a mirror about seven years ago. No, I am not superstitious, and I do not believe in seven years of bad luck. You just have to find the humor in things, you know? It’s what makes keeping on keeping on worthwhile.

Thank you for your kindness and consideration in reading this and sharing it. I truly do appreciate you, and everyone who has been there in any way over the years, and I hope nothing but the best for you.

Take care, and have a beautiful day.

Then..

..and now..