Why am I needing your help to get a car? Because I don't have the money. Because I'm choosing to lean into community. Because I am building my business in alignment with my values and ethics. Because I am choosing slowness. Because I'm choosing to feel. Because I am grieving. Because I believe that through webs of connection we can all be cared for. Because I believe this is creating connection. Because I believe asking for help is essential and so fucking vulnerable. Because i just can't do it by myself.

I'm choosing to believe that what I'm bringing is essential in this crumbling, in this death of modernity. That in these starts of new worlds, I'm choosing to believe spiritual, emotional, body listening and healing is sacred. That space for seeing + trusting our well Ancestors is necessary. That slowness is needed, that grief is needed, that care is needed, that connection is needed, for ALL of us and from ALL of us. That living in alignment with values and ethics takes practice and community. I'm believing that staying within my capacity, rather than overriding, is how I grow.

At the beginning of 2025, I ended an 8 year partnership with haste. I left a support system, physical home, belief systems held in couplehood, merged financial support, and my life as I knew it.

And I crumbled into grief, into support, into care of lovers and friends and folks I just met. I shared my needs, and sometimes people showed up in care. Many time people showed up in care. Life was showing up for me, the webs of connection were humming in care. How much care could I let myself receive?

Even with all the care, I had no idea how I could grieve, regain a sense of myself and survive in capitalism. How I could be functional again? Since my somatic work business is a slow and steady project that has not yet provided me enough income to pay rent and buy food, I decided to get a job. I found that in my grief, I was no longer the competent person I knew myself to once be and doing a job that didn't feed my soul (unlike somatic work) was excruciating. I was fired from the job or I can say they liberated me. Within a few days of being fired, I fell harshly on my ankle while playing basketball.

Universe was taking every measure to slow me down, to give me space to breathe from my running on the treadmill of survival. Slowing was so filled with fear, and I was understanding universe was helping me do what I had a hard time allowing myself to do. I cannot life by myself. Even stopping or slowing down. I needed help. I have needed more help this year than I ever felt myself needing before. I know needing help cannot be the problem. I know this is opening me up to something beyond my old paradigms. I'm grieving, and slowing, and listening, and feeling. And I am asking for help.

So how is this journey bringing me to realizing I need a car? Well.. Ive always lived in pedestrian cities (Tashkent, NYC, Boston) and being in this painful life process (that is deeply connecting in that so many of us have gone through) it has really hit me that Tucson is not pedestrian friendly. And that I self isolate in my home. I need a way to both get around this city and get out of this city. I need a way to get groceries in 110+ degree weather, get lost with the cacti, see trees, find water and see you. See you on my travels.

Why am I needing your help to get a car? Because I don't have the money. Because I'm choosing to lean into community. Because I am building my business in alignment with my values and ethics. Because I am choosing slowness. Because I'm choosing to feel. Because I am grieving. Because I believe that through webs of connection we can all be cared for. Because I believe this is creating connection. Because I believe asking for help is essential and so fucking vulnerable. Because I just can't do it by myself.