My name is Jason. I ususally go by Zuzu. I've been working in a nursing home doing janitorial work for nine years. I started working there at the young age of 16. I'm 25 now. I just recently got a new job and love it there. Unfortunately I still don't make enough to cover this surgery let alone to live off of. Still I manage to add some money towards my surgery when I can. Let's see well I'm a Dr. Who fan. Love the show. It makes me laugh, cry, get angry and even totally fall for the fictional characters. They are pretty awesome. I love art! I like to draw and digitally paint. I like to think that I am generally creative. I also like video games, music(obviously), board games, MTG(Magic the gathering), walking, and generally torturing my friends with my hugs/cuddles. haha So, personality wise. Anyone could tell you that I'm a decent friend. I'm definitely not perfect but I try my best to make others happy even at the expense of my own happiness. Sometimes I stay up until 5am just to make sure someone is okay. Other times I leave at midnight to go meet a friend at IHOP because they need someone there. We don't need to say anything they just needed someone there to keep their mind off things and to remind them that they aren't alone. I honestly tend to keep to myself and really don't ask for much. This is one of the few times that I am actually reaching out for help because this is something I know that I cannot do by myself. Anyone that knows me, knows I don't really like asking for help because I tend to feel like a burden. Even if I know it's not true.
Now that you got to know me a little better if you didn't already know me. Here is a brief as possible story to tell you why I need this surgery. I identified as male since the beginning. It wasn't something taught or anything. I always knew I was different because everyone else kept on calling me a girl and forced me to wear feminine clothing. Like dresses and "girly" colors. I always fought with my mother about it. We would compromise with using purple/dark colors and she would let me put shorts under my dress so I didn't feel as dysphoric. (I didn't know it was due to horrible body dysphoria at the time) I used to question my body all the time to my mother. One that I remember was when I was very, very young. I was in the tub with my lil'brother and I pointed to my lil'brothers private part and asked her, "Mom why don't I have one of those?". My mother didn't know how to quite respond. She stumbled with her words and gave me a nervous smile. "Why don't you have one of what sweetie?" She started to have a nervous laugh. I pointed again and said, "That. When do I grow one?" My mother started laughing at this point. She replied with, "Oh hunny don't be silly you don't grow those you are born with them but you do grow a pair of these when you become a lady." My mother signified to her breasts and I of course started freaking out and crying hysterically. My mother didn't really understand then again neither did I at the time. After that day I never bothered bringing it up again because People would give me weird looks when ever they told me that I couldn't do something because I was a girl and I would scream at them and say that I wasn't a girl. They of course would reply with, "Well If you aren't a girl then what are you?" I would be stumped unsure of what to answer so I just stopped trying. As I grew up I tried to conform to societies ways. It of course never worked seeing as I was extremely depressed and basically lived like a hermit. Since I came out in college I have been much happier. Of course not as happy if I looked the way I should have from the beginning. Just being out doesn't make me whole. It's like being out as gay and you are still dating women. Doesn't really make sense does it? Well neither does having breasts instead of a masculine chest. Binding my chest worked for a while but after binding for three years it is starting to take a toll on me. I also can't walk around shirtless on a beach or be in a pool without a binder and a shirt on. Walking around in a very hot day with a binder on is very uncomfortable it is like walking with a sticky and wet bathing suit top with sweat in it. It is gross and unhealthy. I've been getting horrible pains on my chest due to binding for so long. I don't think I can bind for much longer without taking a huge toll on my health. Just thinking about not being able to walk around without my binder out in public honestly makes me extremely upset and dysphoric. I can't even imagine when I have to stop and I still haven't had my surgery yet. Anyway, I have gathered some information for you all to look at if you are interested. The surgery I'd end up getting is the Double Incision/Mastectomy.
Here is some general information:
Here is a gallery from a surgeon in Brookline, Ma.:
- Brandon Foreman
- Dean Schade
- Michael McCoy Jr
- Jason Dark
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