Charlotte's Plea: Burying Her Father with Dignity

My name is Charlotte. My father passed recently and my cousin was awarded his life insurance. She has chosen to be dishonest and is keeping it all for herself so now I am faced with having to bury my father and no money to do so. Its 40$ per day that he stays at the funeral home. I am hurt and in shock. He trusted her. Here is some back story about my father...

My dad died May 24, 2025. I feel ripped off, guilty and lost.

We had a strained relationship. He was a malignant narcissist and very abusive in all the ways that come with it. I have PTSD from him. I was homeless from 14 to 19 years old and even then did not want to stay with him. Which worked out since he never offered. In the end I was the only one who tried to help him and look out for him. He gave himself cirrhosis of the liver which causes dementia. I told myself to do the right thing.

Let me back up.

He wasn't a totally bad person. He served his country and was a Law Enforcement Specialist in the Air Force. After that he was a star paramedic for 30 years and after that was Fire Commissioner of his city for 8 years. He did good things. When I was young he played drums in a band and could play along with any Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Beatles, Charlie Daniels's Band songs and the list goes on.

He was fun during Halloween and dressed me up like Peter Criss from KISS many years in a row. He took me to see Creepshow in the theater when it came out. We watched Alice Cooper's 'Welcome to My Nightmare' when I was just 6. So he was fun. He was good to us sometimes. But he couldn't keep it up for long.

So in the end it was all on me. It was the right thing to do so I became his DPOA and MPOA. When he needed full care I placed him in a small Adult Family Home and unfortunately had to keep my distance. With the dementia all of his inhibitions were gone and the abuse was on full display towards me any time I came to visit. So I made sure his friends knew how to get a hold of him and made sure his rent was paid and any items he needed he had. The AFH didn't like how his dementia was progressing. I have worked in the healthcare field for 30 years, specializing in dementia. I pleaded with them to engage with him. Talk about his career or rock n roll. Take him out for a drive. Play some Rolling Stones. But no. They didn't like him and ignored him. To death. My father's dementia progressed faster than any cases I have seen in my 30 years. He became very suddenly depressed. Stopped speaking all at once. Body became weak and he couldn't walk anymore. Again, very suddenly. He didn't like the liquid medication that kept his ammonia balanced from his liver losing function and in a recent trip to the hospital I was told his ammonia levels were high. They weren't giving the med. Easier to chart it as "refused".

Within 10 days of leaving the AFH for the hospital then to a SNF (skilled nursing facility) he just gave up and died. It's my 10th day waking up without my father. Even tho he wasn't really "there" most of my life it hurts me that I know I will never see him again. I am still in shock. It hurts me that anyone can live with themselves having done this to him. I have worked and still work with many forms of abusive patients. I love them all. And they are loved by someone who trusts me to be the very best for them 8 to 14 hours a day. I could never....how horrible. To be going thru something so scary and all alone. I was able to get to him after work that day, before he passed. They wait for us. I promised him I would never let him die alone. That I would be there. And I was. I told him I loved him and that I forgive him. I told him to go be with his siblings and that I would be ok because he raised me to be strong. And then he left this world. At 4:15 pm.

If any of you have read all of this I want to thank you. Besides my husband I have no one close to share my grief with. To get this out to. We are both from very broken families.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for letting me get this out. And thank you for being kind.

Life is so very short and precious. Tell someone you love them today. You can never say it too much.

I loved my father and regardless of my feelings or anyone else's, giving him a proper burial is the right thing to do.