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I'm a survivor of Institutional Childhood Sexual Abuse by Clergy. I was repeatedly raped by a Catholic Christian Brother from the ages of 11 to 15. This was a Predator that inserted himself into a struggling, first generation Egyptian migrant family in Australia as a trusted friend. He used his techniques to groom my family and myself, then isolated me for the purpose of his own sexual gratification.
I was forced into silence by this man, I was a child, and I was frightened. I have suffered my whole life from PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Addiction and Suicidal Ideation that led to various forms of Self-harm. This had me hospitalised on several occasions. I'm currently in therapy and have been for the past 3 and a half years with 2 amazing doctors. They have helped me through some of the darkest times in my life, THEY ARE TRULY LIFE-SAVING PROFESSIONALS and I owe them everything because I'm alive!
I have no family able to help me get through, just the one best friend, and she is my Disability Carer which is already helping me more than enough. I really wish I could upload some pictures of my childhood, with family, or a group of friends being happy, but there are none! Being first generation migrants in Australia, all of our family is in Egypt, I don't know who they are, and I've never met them. Both my parents have passed, and my immediate family relationships are so fractured, they have taken a cultural approach and don't believe me or my story regarding what happened to me as a child, despite them knowing I have an open Police Investigation, they are in denial, they know it's true, they just choose to put it in the too hard basket and literally can't talk about it, it adds to my deep sadness, so this, combined with what I've been through has had me running my entire life from my shame and guilt. I always blamed myself! It was always my fault. Had I not found my voice last year, I don't know where I'll be,
Truth be told, I just want to be free of this deep wallowing sadness and pain that dwells in the centre of my chest. It is shame, it is guilt, it is a deep mistrust of the world, it is PTSD, it is Anxiety and it is Depression. What you have left is barely a shell of a 49 yr. old man, on a Disability Pension, about to turn 50 and unable to cope with this world. As awful as it is and constantly having to live with the pain, I try and heal from the self-hate by showing a little more self-compassion.
I have had several amazing breakthroughs in my treatment, and I'm finally able to open up, speak up and speak out and tell the story of what happened to me. I'm fighting my way through treatment, through a drawn out police investigation, through a legal battle that is just starting, through waking up in the morning and trying to get out of bed and through everyday life; everything is a chore, EVERYTHING is a chore.
'Childhood Sexual Abuse by Clergy', the trauma, lifelong pain and damage that it causes is one of the most avoided, ignored, denied, misunderstood and untreated causes of human suffering that exists today. The struggle is real, and some of us need real HELP. And I'm going to need your help if you can find it in your hearts to help me achieve my goal.
I no longer receive Victims of Crime Support to pay for my sessions, I've exhausted my free treatment sessions. Their assistance over the past 3 years has been fantastic and I am forever grateful for the help they've given me. I'm currently on a Disability Pension and have no money to pay for for my my medical appointments. I have made so many sacrifices and so much progress in the last 3 years, it would be a shame to quit my treatment now when I'm so close to the finish line.
I'm hoping for enough money to cover my treatment sessions for the remainder of this year. I also really need help raising my legal fees to fight the Christian Brothers that did this to me. I don't know how I will raise the funds. Putting this whole thing behind me would really help with my debilitating dreams, PTSD, nightmares, day mares and dissociation that I deal with on a regular basis. The current treatment sessions are getting results, I depend on the continued support of my doctors, treatments and medications to get through this mess until my court case with the Christian Brothers and the Catholic Church is over with. I know I will get my vindication and the result that I truly deserve, it's just around the corner. Truth will out!
Institutional Child sexual abuse is an abhorrent crime and it truly casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.
Any donation would be greatly appreciated, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and compassion!
I was forced into silence by this man, I was a child, and I was frightened. I have suffered my whole life from PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Addiction and Suicidal Ideation that led to various forms of Self-harm. This had me hospitalised on several occasions. I'm currently in therapy and have been for the past 3 and a half years with 2 amazing doctors. They have helped me through some of the darkest times in my life, THEY ARE TRULY LIFE-SAVING PROFESSIONALS and I owe them everything because I'm alive!
I have no family able to help me get through, just the one best friend, and she is my Disability Carer which is already helping me more than enough. I really wish I could upload some pictures of my childhood, with family, or a group of friends being happy, but there are none! Being first generation migrants in Australia, all of our family is in Egypt, I don't know who they are, and I've never met them. Both my parents have passed, and my immediate family relationships are so fractured, they have taken a cultural approach and don't believe me or my story regarding what happened to me as a child, despite them knowing I have an open Police Investigation, they are in denial, they know it's true, they just choose to put it in the too hard basket and literally can't talk about it, it adds to my deep sadness, so this, combined with what I've been through has had me running my entire life from my shame and guilt. I always blamed myself! It was always my fault. Had I not found my voice last year, I don't know where I'll be,
Truth be told, I just want to be free of this deep wallowing sadness and pain that dwells in the centre of my chest. It is shame, it is guilt, it is a deep mistrust of the world, it is PTSD, it is Anxiety and it is Depression. What you have left is barely a shell of a 49 yr. old man, on a Disability Pension, about to turn 50 and unable to cope with this world. As awful as it is and constantly having to live with the pain, I try and heal from the self-hate by showing a little more self-compassion.
I have had several amazing breakthroughs in my treatment, and I'm finally able to open up, speak up and speak out and tell the story of what happened to me. I'm fighting my way through treatment, through a drawn out police investigation, through a legal battle that is just starting, through waking up in the morning and trying to get out of bed and through everyday life; everything is a chore, EVERYTHING is a chore.
'Childhood Sexual Abuse by Clergy', the trauma, lifelong pain and damage that it causes is one of the most avoided, ignored, denied, misunderstood and untreated causes of human suffering that exists today. The struggle is real, and some of us need real HELP. And I'm going to need your help if you can find it in your hearts to help me achieve my goal.
I no longer receive Victims of Crime Support to pay for my sessions, I've exhausted my free treatment sessions. Their assistance over the past 3 years has been fantastic and I am forever grateful for the help they've given me. I'm currently on a Disability Pension and have no money to pay for for my my medical appointments. I have made so many sacrifices and so much progress in the last 3 years, it would be a shame to quit my treatment now when I'm so close to the finish line.
I'm hoping for enough money to cover my treatment sessions for the remainder of this year. I also really need help raising my legal fees to fight the Christian Brothers that did this to me. I don't know how I will raise the funds. Putting this whole thing behind me would really help with my debilitating dreams, PTSD, nightmares, day mares and dissociation that I deal with on a regular basis. The current treatment sessions are getting results, I depend on the continued support of my doctors, treatments and medications to get through this mess until my court case with the Christian Brothers and the Catholic Church is over with. I know I will get my vindication and the result that I truly deserve, it's just around the corner. Truth will out!
Institutional Child sexual abuse is an abhorrent crime and it truly casts a shadow the length of a lifetime.
Any donation would be greatly appreciated, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and compassion!
Organizer
Michael Pawley
Organizer
New South Wales
