THANK YOU!

Today was one of the hardest days of my life, but I'm confident it was the right thing to do. We took my mom to the ER where she was evaluated and admitted for emergency care and then placement into a nursing home. They will help us expedite Medicaid.

You helped me, my mom and my family during a very stressful time. She now has clothes that fit. She's getting proper medication. She is being tended to and monitored. And soon, she'll have a permanent place to stay where we can visit her and bring her to our house for visits.

Thank you for your help. The two thousand dollars raised above our goal will no be able to go to pay for her hospital visit. We are expecting more bills to come in, but with this help we can manage.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your kindness, your compassion, and your care.

I'm glad Go Fund Me exists, but at the same time, it's saddening that so many of us need to turn to this platform for help with overwhelming expenses when medical care or aid is needed.

Be well. Love your family. And know that you helped someone today.

We are now closing this fundraiser. With gratitude.

-Tanya-

ORIGINAL POST FOR FUNDRAISING

This is hard for me to write. I’ve tried to weather hard times on my own, and for the most part I’ve been successful, but there are times when you need to turn to your community for support.

And, honestly, I need some support.

It’s not for me, but for my mom.

My mom is one of the kindest people you’ll ever meet. She worked for years at The Friendship Center, a day center in Traverse City where she did arts and crafts with mentally ill and physically disabled. She was also a caregiver to elder women and a house cleaner. She was a single mom for years in the 70s and 80s. She did the best she could. She loves peacocks, and arts and crafts, fairies, games, and loves her family and friends.

***

My mom and I have been estranged for a few years. I was angry at her for choices she made when I was growing up, and then as I got older. And then things happened between us that were hurtful. I now understand that much of this was the beginnings of frontal lobe Alzheimer’s. At the Friendship Center, she was also exposed to severe chemicals like arsenic from working in what had originally been a canning factory that was improperly cleaned. They had all the workers sign away rights to litigation or risk being fired. My mom signed.

***

For the last five years, my mom has been taken care of by her partner Patrick. She loved him very much. On Saturday, he had a massive heart attack and died. They lived in his apartment. (I’ll attach a picture of the condition they lived in.) When we saw them, they’d say they were happy and they were fine. We didn’t realize the struggles they were both having.

My mom was with him when he died. Her memory is so poor that she forgets things after five minutes or so. She writes constant notes to remind herself. Somehow, she knew to call an ambulance . They took him and she was at the apartment on her own, traumatized, confused, not knowing what happened. Then she got a phone call from the hospital that Patrick had passed.

My mom somehow called me and though I have ignored calls in the past (her conversations are always the same), I picked this one up.

Everything changed with that phone call.

This is my chance at, well, second chances.

My mom needs help.

I need help.

***

My brother lives in Wyoming and isn’t able to care for her. He has some crises happening in his own life that need constant care and attention. We are doing everything we can to figure this out.

For now, mom will stay with my husband and me.

We are looking for a place that can handle elder and memory care. I have applied for Medicaid but it says it will take about 90 days (possibly more) before she’s approved, and then we’ll have to find a place for her. Many places are full.

Without Medicaid, Alzheimer’s housing costs a minimum of 14 thousand dollars a month. My life savings would be gone in two months. We have to hunker down and hope for Medicaid.

In the meantime, anything you are able or willing to donate would help. We’re looking for a little help just to get us through the next few months of stay-at-home care.

I am working in the mornings (4AM to 8AM) to do my narration work; Tim works from 6AM until 3PM. I’ll then work at night too.

So financial help for mom would take a little stress off needing to work overtime to cover her expenses.

I know the timing sucks. The economy sucks. Politics suck. And I’m so sorry to ask.

But if you can donate something, it would help. We are real people and this is a real situation where your help will have a direct impact.

If you don’t wish to donate, we have a registry for my Mom on Amazon on some basic things that would help. It's called HELP FOR TANYA AND ANNE .

She has lost an enormous amount of weight (I don’t think she’s been eating regularly) and needs all new clothes. These few things on our Amazon wish list will help until I can get to Goodwill. Not a necessity but an iPad for her would be nice.

And if finances aren’t possible, and I so understand (believe me), prayers, well wishes, thoughts of support and encouragement are all gratefully accepted.

We all struggle. We all have terrible times. I am confident we will navigate this with grace and acceptance and a second chance at healing.

Thank you for reading, for compassion, for any help you are willing to give to help us through these next months until (hopefully) we can find a place close to us that can give mom the additional support she needs.

WHERE MONEY WILL GO

*Things not covered by Amazon registry (The shed is a wish list item so we can store things from her apartment until we can find placement. The iPad is a wish list item too.)

*Additional cost for food

*Medical supplies

*Trips to doctor (1 hour away—one way)

*Possible flight or two for my brother to visit from Wyoming to help when he can

*Occasional elder care (an elder babysitter?) so I can get groceries or run errands

REACH GOALS

Any money over the amount requested will go to mom’s account to cover additional expenses. Her life savings is $4,000 and she gets $1,100 a month in social security.

She needs extensive dental work and dentures too. Something beyond our ability right now.

FOR FURTHER READING

I’ve written about what happened and what we’re going through here to give you a sense of where things are at.

--Thank you so much,

Tanya Eby and Anne Knaggs