This is very humbling and hard to write, but it is time I be honest with myself and everyone. I have been a medically ill and raging alcohol for over a decade. I was recently diagnosed with bi-polar mixed with borderline personality disorder. I also have liver failure at the young age of 28. I have lived with chronic pain and depression and have hid  trying a happy person for many years. I most recently attempted to hang myself around Christmas and when that failed I drank myself to what should have been dead. My blood alcohol content was %.561, which is you know anything that is dead, and the doctors were amazed I survived. I saw that as God giving me one final chance at life to get the help I need. So with the help of my family and the Scandinavia church, they were able to raise enough to get me into an intensive rehab and treatment in Nevada called desert hope.. I have been here a week, going through my own self inflicted horrible detox but I have also learned there are so many more crack beneath the surface that need a lot of health, a lot of doctors and more treatment than I could have possibly imagined. I feel as though the sheets of rock above my soul and my health are finally starting to crack, but I am no fool in thinking this will not be a long journey ahead.  I not only need extensive physical treatment for my health; my mind and soul need even more doctoring.  I am asking for help, in any way you can, to help me regain my life. I finally do not want to die but I need help to be a health whole light of a human being. I dream of what I can be, who I am capable of changing, how I can impact the world and need help to get there.  This treatment is a start, please help me continue my life so I can live and give back to all of you. If you dont have money, please just pray for my spiritual and physical recovery but if you do, every little bit help.
 
Thanks you for reading, with all my love of the vanessa whose willing and ready to fight to live.