Buying Our Freedom: Trans Household Needs Help Reclaiming

Hi, my name is Z. I’m a transmasc, autistic artist and ethical rat breeder running an AFRMA-listed rattery since 2016. I also have 9 years of customer service experience, and I’ve been doing everything I can to keep my chosen family afloat — but now we urgently need help.

What Happened:

On May 12th, 2025, my now ex-boyfriend physically attacked me and my partner Salem after months of escalating emotional and financial abuse. I broke up with him on May 19th while he was being held in a mental health facility, and the next day, I was granted a restraining order. The judge cited my visible bruise for the record.

This relationship began in 2017. Things seemed hopeful for years — he moved in with me, was working on himself, and after being close friends with me, even joined my existing polyamorous relationship with my partner Salem, who I’ve been with since 2016. But in 2022, my now ex and I bought a house together, and everything changed.

It was like once he felt he couldn’t be removed, he stopped trying. He left messes everywhere, refused to work as an equal partner, belittled me, and increasingly relied on me to manage everything — bills, budgeting, job searching, my rattery, and his emotional regulation. He got angry when I asked for help. He began hiding mail from me, and other issues because he didn't want to address them.

When Salem moved in with us in August 2023, the ex behaved slightly better — but only around them. Behind closed doors, I was still being gaslit and left to handle everything.

When we both lost our jobs in November 2023, I filed for unemployment. He refused. I even wrote instructions, but he only attempted twice, then got a part-time job that paid less than unemployment. My benefits paid every bill until they ran out in late 2024 — and we’ve been falling behind ever since.

In September, 2024, he gave us Covid. Salem and I are immunocompromised, and we had worked hard to avoid Covid for four years. It nearly killed us and left significant damage to our bodies, worsened our chronic pain, and made everything that much harder. We were sick for 8 weeks, as he gave us a different cold immediately after.

In April 2025, our friend Griff moved in. We all tried to keep going — Salem took commissions, I sold rats and did freelance work — but my ex only escalated, becoming more hostile and erratic. On May 12th, a conversation about finances turned into a violent breakdown. He bruised my dominant arm, crushed Salem in doorways, and threatened to take my car and end his life. We spent nearly an hour trying to de-escalate without calling the police — we were afraid for all our safety if they came.

Thanks to a donation that let us pay our phone bill, I contacted his doctor and, with their guidance, called 911 the next day. He was taken to the ER, then a psych facility, where I fought to ensure his treatment team knew I would be ending things. I broke up with him on May 19, after I filed for a restraining order. It was granted on May 20th.

Where We Are Now:

We’re left with:

Severe debt, bills months behind, and a looming foreclosure

A misaligned, damaged car after his reckless driving

A house filled with broken things, unpaid bills, and random financial surprises he hid from us

We are currently sharing a phone bill with him and need to pay it off and Salem's device off to cancel it

Emotional trauma and physical injury

Three artists — me, Salem, and Griff — trying to rebuild our lives from the ground up

We are all transmasc, autistic, and ADHD, and trying to survive in a deeply inaccessible system. We are also caring for our beloved rats and cats, who have been a source of love through this storm.

I’ve been running my rattery for 8 years. I’ve educated countless families and adopted out hundreds of friendly, healthy rats. My work means everything to me. But we can’t do this alone anymore.

How You Can Help:

Every donation helps cover:

Overdue bills and housing costs

Emergency car repairs (tires + alignment)

Groceries, pet supplies, and medical expenses

Stabilizing our home and mental health

Giving us the chance to pursue art, commissions, and freelance work without drowning in panic

Buying my ex out of his half of the title of the home

>Currently the payoff total for the home is $248,348. To buy my ex off the title will be at minimum half of that.

Transportation fees for my ex to remove his things from our home

We are not just trying to survive — we are trying to heal and rebuild a life of joy, creativity, and community. Thank you for reading, sharing, and supporting us through this terrifying moment. Found family means everything right now.

With all our gratitude,

Z, Salem, and Griff