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The Family That Mark Built
Mark Raef is a man's man. His natural ability to build anything with his own two hands has impressed and amazed his family, friends, and even strangers for years. The only things more amazing than his ability to construct are his unusually strong work ethic, the enormous size of his heart, and his ability to father two daughters in a manner that he has always made seem so simple, successful, and in a way that allows others to get a good glimpse of his extremely soft heart. At the age of 14, while a freshman at Muncie Southside High School, he met the love of his life, Carla Barton. The two have been married for 26-years and dated for five-years prior to getting married. They have two wonderful daughters, Lacy and Malary. Lacy is currently 27-weeks pregnant with Carla and Mark's first grandchild, a grandson, and Malary is majoring in pre-law at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. Mark was a semi-state qualifying high school wrestler, and after high school became a successful brick mason which took him on the road to work quite often. In December of 1992, while traveling through Joplin, Missouri, he and his coworker were in a car that crashed over a slippery overpass. He was seriously injured and his coworker was disabled for life. Mark's recovery was nothing short of miraculous, and the accident was no match for Mark's desire to get back to work in order to provide for Carla and his new eight-month old daughter, Lacy. A little over two years later, Carla and Mark gave birth to yet another daughter, Malary.
Mark's dreams of coaching a son on the wrestling mat may have been dashed, but he didn't hesitate to coach his girls in competitive gymnastics. Mark became a gentle-giant for little girls in leotards as he learned everything he could about gymnastics. His rough-exterior could not fool his gymnasts. To them, he was a walking, talking, teddy bear, Lacy and Malary's daddy, and a father figure to the other pint-sized gymnasts. He praised their victories, embraced every opportunity to high-five and hug them through their triumphs, wiped their tears after a disappointing show on the vault or bars, and was seen on many occasions scooping up his own daughters, or their teammates, or gymnasts not even on his team, with just one strong arm when the pressure of the performance was just too much for their young hearts to take. In one fell swoop, as he playfully swung them upside down in a manner like everyone's favorite uncle only can, he landed them on their feet, and gave comfort and words of encouragement. He reminded them that a mistake during their floor routine or beam exercise did not define them or make them bad gymnasts, and it certainly did not mean their next attempt wouldn't and couldn't be perfect. Following such coaching encounters, Mark was almost always rewarded with their smiling eyes as the little gymnast remembered that she was a child before she was an athlete. Watching him from the gymnastics bleachers, he seemed to be a gentler version of Bela Karolyi in blue jeans and, yes, sometimes even work boots. As it turned out, his old dream and desire for coaching wrestling for the sons he would never have became insignificant as the passion for coaching his daughters took center stage. One of his daughters became a state champion gymnast, and the other was an enormously successful gymnast in her own right. Later, in high school, they both were standout track and cross country runners who both hold high school records in cross country and track still today. Through it all, Carla and Mark were there for both Lacy and Malary every step of the way during their high school sports careers; Carla more as a cheerleader, Mark more as someone the girls would go to for advice, to pick his brain about shaving milliseconds from their time, or ask him how to improve their form. Mark and Carla enjoyed everything about watching their daughters mature into brilliant, academically successful, high school students, and they always took pride in and leaned on the closeness of their extended family members. In short, life was good.
Mark continued to work exhaustive hours to provide for his family, and when he wasn't making money, he was helping his friends and neighbors in any and every way possible. He donated a glass block repair on the concession stand at the ball diamonds in his tight-knit town of Selma, Indiana as a way of giving back. He has fixed countless broken down cars for friends and family members, installed new roofs for those who could not afford to hire a commercial company, and installed, for free, new carpet for friends and family on several occasions so that they could save a few bucks. Countless times he could be seen cleaning gutters for people, building sets and props for dance recitals, thawing frozen pipes for family members during ice-storms and hard winters, and the list of free services he has provided to others over the years could go on and on.
The car accident in '92 was just the first family crisis the Raef and Barton families banded together to overcome. Unfortunately, in May of 2012, while Mark and Carla were attending Malary's junior track and field sectional championship and watching Lacy coach at the same meet, they got a phone call that their two-story, historic, house in Selma was fully-engulfed in flames. Upon arrival in Selma, the Raef and Barton families openly wept as they watched the beautiful, large, two-story home in which The Raefs had raised their family, literally burn to the ground. Although the most important valuables--the four of them--were unharmed, they lost two cats and almost every possession they owned: family photos, artwork and items the girls had made them since pre-school, family heirlooms, sentimental Christmas ornaments, family jewelry, trophies and awards the girls had earned since pre-school. The list of their losses from the fire is never ending. Not a family to ever buckle under pressure or cry, "Uncle," the Raef family showed amazing strength and resilience reminiscent of Mark's recovery from his 1992 car accident. As a family unit, they held-firm that they were lucky and blessed that the fire wasn't at night and no lives were lost. They set out to re-build their home on the exact same land where their other house once stood. The ever-talented builder, Mark Raef, took the lead in dismantling and demolishing the burned down house, and he designed and built with the help of friends and family and a few co-workers the new, beautiful, brick home in which they currently live. It wasn't built overnight, and it required a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, (specifically Mark's blood and sweat and Carla's tears), but in the end, the house that Mark built is a gorgeous testament to his construction talent, his will to overcome tragedy, his passion to provide for his family, his skill as a carpenter, and his refusal to give-up when the going got tough.
Carla and Mark have since transitioned to being empty nesters. After attending every high school basketball game to watch their cheerleader daughters flip, stunt, jump, shout, and root for the home team, attending every track, cross country, and academic meet, volunteering to do anything that was needed of them at the high school or in the community, and finding countless teenage girlfriends of their daughters spending the night, eating their food, borrowing their daughters' clothes, accessories, make-up, etc., and after enduring countless boyfriends and breakups, and not to mention traveling near and far year after year for gymnastics meets and track and cross country tournaments, all of a sudden, the hustle and bustle of parenthood the two of them have known for the last 18-years has slowed to almost a complete stop. With a first grandchild (and a grandson, at that!) on the way, Mark and Carla have been able to take a collective deep breath and enjoy each other's company without the stress of having to be several places at once, at this competition or that game. . .They are elated over the fact that after raising two girls, they will have a newborn grandson in a few months (and perhaps a chance for Mark to coach wrestling someday, after all). Recently, they did what so many couples do who find themselves with an overabundance of free-time: they got a puppy! Yes, The Family That Mark Built was finally beginning to slow a little, and Mark was getting close to retirement. They had begun to discuss their options. No traditional retirement would ever be a true retirement for Mark, since he has never been able to sit idly by and not be active in building something, fixing something, or taking on big projects all at the same time. So, given Mark's ability to make stunning wood furniture, which is something he enjoys tremendously, he has thought about possibly opening a furniture shop. With all of his talents, his retirement options are numerous. Family members began to overhear retirement plans for both of the people who are so generous, well loved, and are such hard workers. Several times over the course of the last year or so I often thought in the back of my mind how much Mark deserved to work at his own pace on the projects about which he was most passionate. Mark Raef, my sister Carla's husband, who has been a member of our family since I was eight-years-old, has worked harder than anyone I have ever known for about the last 30-years. I was beginning to get excited FOR him to retire. If anyone deserved to slow down and enjoy the ride, it was certainly Mark. And there is no one who has been on the receiving end of Mark's generosity and willingness to help others more than I. Time after time, I would call Mark when I needed something repaired, installed, replaced, maintained, etc., and time after time he did it without complaint, usually with humor, and always as my good samaritan brother-in-law who is much more to me a brother by blood than a brother by law.
Unfortunately, the evening of July 24th changed everything for the Raef family. After suffering from a constant and painful cough that had sent him to his family doctor on five different occasions (and in general, Mark is not one to go to the doctor or even complain), the cough became so painful that an emergency room visit was in order. The initial diagnosis late that Friday night was pneumonia and lymphoma. Two days and several tests later, Mark's family was told that his body had been invaded, very aggressively, by cancer and that, pending more medical tests, lymphoma would be the best case scenario. Yes, we all hoped and prayed for lymphoma. Thinking about this fact now seems unimaginable. More tests were needed, and each test seemed to bring more bad news. The "best case scenario" of lymphoma didn't materialize, and within 48-hours, an oncologist revealed to a standing room only crowd of family members huddled around Mark's hospital bed, that he was full of cancer and his situation was dire. If that weren't too much to bear, Mark's vision began to falter and more tests revealed that he had suffered strokes while in the hospital. Now, this man who has never quite been able to sit still for longer than a lunch or dinner meal, is almost completely blind at times, and has completed his first round of chemotherapy. The side effects of the poison that is chemo, mixed with the pain from a series of shots intended to keep his white blood cell count up have rendered him almost completely bedridden and has overtaken his body with severe pain. Due to the medications he is taking and the chemotherapy, his mind, often, is not clear, and he is sometimes confused and even combatant. He cannot move his right leg due to a pinched nerve caused by the inflammation from the cancer. The cancer, according to his oncologist, is everywhere but his pancreas. Obviously, his prognosis is not good. He has not left the hospital since July 24th, the evening he entered the emergency room. However, no one is giving up on him. Anyone that knows Mark Raef knows that he CAN win this battle. The cancer was likely caused by years of Mark breathing in silica as he worked, which is the second most common mineral in the earth's crust and a major component of sand, rock, and mineral ores like Quartz. People who work in jobs like construction, masonry, mining, and sandblasting are at greater risk for developing silicosis which often eventually leads to lung cancer.
And now, this is how you can help: Carla and Mark are not receiving any income whatsoever. In order to have a house to go home to when he is able to leave the hospital, and to save the beautiful house that Mark built, Mark's immediate and extended family members are seeking donations to cover Carla and Mark's house payment, car payment, utility bills, food bills, insurance bills, medical bills that his medical insurance will not cover, and the usual other living expenses. Mark cannot be granted disability for at least six months following his last day of work, and his short-term disability only lasts 8-weeks and isn't much, especially compared to the money Mark is used to making. Mark is a proud man who has never had to seek financial assistance from anyone in any way. However, his family recognizes that he, Carla, Lacy, and Malary could use a little help from their friends right now. They have applied for every type of government assistance for which they qualify, but apparently, assistance isn't granted overnight. Anything that you could give toward Mark's Go Fund Me campaign would be welcomed immensely, even if the only thing you have to offer at the moment is a prayer for healing, strength, and a cure. Thank you in advance for reading Mark's story.
-Misty Barton
Muncie, Indiana
Mark Raef is a man's man. His natural ability to build anything with his own two hands has impressed and amazed his family, friends, and even strangers for years. The only things more amazing than his ability to construct are his unusually strong work ethic, the enormous size of his heart, and his ability to father two daughters in a manner that he has always made seem so simple, successful, and in a way that allows others to get a good glimpse of his extremely soft heart. At the age of 14, while a freshman at Muncie Southside High School, he met the love of his life, Carla Barton. The two have been married for 26-years and dated for five-years prior to getting married. They have two wonderful daughters, Lacy and Malary. Lacy is currently 27-weeks pregnant with Carla and Mark's first grandchild, a grandson, and Malary is majoring in pre-law at Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. Mark was a semi-state qualifying high school wrestler, and after high school became a successful brick mason which took him on the road to work quite often. In December of 1992, while traveling through Joplin, Missouri, he and his coworker were in a car that crashed over a slippery overpass. He was seriously injured and his coworker was disabled for life. Mark's recovery was nothing short of miraculous, and the accident was no match for Mark's desire to get back to work in order to provide for Carla and his new eight-month old daughter, Lacy. A little over two years later, Carla and Mark gave birth to yet another daughter, Malary.
Mark's dreams of coaching a son on the wrestling mat may have been dashed, but he didn't hesitate to coach his girls in competitive gymnastics. Mark became a gentle-giant for little girls in leotards as he learned everything he could about gymnastics. His rough-exterior could not fool his gymnasts. To them, he was a walking, talking, teddy bear, Lacy and Malary's daddy, and a father figure to the other pint-sized gymnasts. He praised their victories, embraced every opportunity to high-five and hug them through their triumphs, wiped their tears after a disappointing show on the vault or bars, and was seen on many occasions scooping up his own daughters, or their teammates, or gymnasts not even on his team, with just one strong arm when the pressure of the performance was just too much for their young hearts to take. In one fell swoop, as he playfully swung them upside down in a manner like everyone's favorite uncle only can, he landed them on their feet, and gave comfort and words of encouragement. He reminded them that a mistake during their floor routine or beam exercise did not define them or make them bad gymnasts, and it certainly did not mean their next attempt wouldn't and couldn't be perfect. Following such coaching encounters, Mark was almost always rewarded with their smiling eyes as the little gymnast remembered that she was a child before she was an athlete. Watching him from the gymnastics bleachers, he seemed to be a gentler version of Bela Karolyi in blue jeans and, yes, sometimes even work boots. As it turned out, his old dream and desire for coaching wrestling for the sons he would never have became insignificant as the passion for coaching his daughters took center stage. One of his daughters became a state champion gymnast, and the other was an enormously successful gymnast in her own right. Later, in high school, they both were standout track and cross country runners who both hold high school records in cross country and track still today. Through it all, Carla and Mark were there for both Lacy and Malary every step of the way during their high school sports careers; Carla more as a cheerleader, Mark more as someone the girls would go to for advice, to pick his brain about shaving milliseconds from their time, or ask him how to improve their form. Mark and Carla enjoyed everything about watching their daughters mature into brilliant, academically successful, high school students, and they always took pride in and leaned on the closeness of their extended family members. In short, life was good.
Mark continued to work exhaustive hours to provide for his family, and when he wasn't making money, he was helping his friends and neighbors in any and every way possible. He donated a glass block repair on the concession stand at the ball diamonds in his tight-knit town of Selma, Indiana as a way of giving back. He has fixed countless broken down cars for friends and family members, installed new roofs for those who could not afford to hire a commercial company, and installed, for free, new carpet for friends and family on several occasions so that they could save a few bucks. Countless times he could be seen cleaning gutters for people, building sets and props for dance recitals, thawing frozen pipes for family members during ice-storms and hard winters, and the list of free services he has provided to others over the years could go on and on.
The car accident in '92 was just the first family crisis the Raef and Barton families banded together to overcome. Unfortunately, in May of 2012, while Mark and Carla were attending Malary's junior track and field sectional championship and watching Lacy coach at the same meet, they got a phone call that their two-story, historic, house in Selma was fully-engulfed in flames. Upon arrival in Selma, the Raef and Barton families openly wept as they watched the beautiful, large, two-story home in which The Raefs had raised their family, literally burn to the ground. Although the most important valuables--the four of them--were unharmed, they lost two cats and almost every possession they owned: family photos, artwork and items the girls had made them since pre-school, family heirlooms, sentimental Christmas ornaments, family jewelry, trophies and awards the girls had earned since pre-school. The list of their losses from the fire is never ending. Not a family to ever buckle under pressure or cry, "Uncle," the Raef family showed amazing strength and resilience reminiscent of Mark's recovery from his 1992 car accident. As a family unit, they held-firm that they were lucky and blessed that the fire wasn't at night and no lives were lost. They set out to re-build their home on the exact same land where their other house once stood. The ever-talented builder, Mark Raef, took the lead in dismantling and demolishing the burned down house, and he designed and built with the help of friends and family and a few co-workers the new, beautiful, brick home in which they currently live. It wasn't built overnight, and it required a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, (specifically Mark's blood and sweat and Carla's tears), but in the end, the house that Mark built is a gorgeous testament to his construction talent, his will to overcome tragedy, his passion to provide for his family, his skill as a carpenter, and his refusal to give-up when the going got tough.
Carla and Mark have since transitioned to being empty nesters. After attending every high school basketball game to watch their cheerleader daughters flip, stunt, jump, shout, and root for the home team, attending every track, cross country, and academic meet, volunteering to do anything that was needed of them at the high school or in the community, and finding countless teenage girlfriends of their daughters spending the night, eating their food, borrowing their daughters' clothes, accessories, make-up, etc., and after enduring countless boyfriends and breakups, and not to mention traveling near and far year after year for gymnastics meets and track and cross country tournaments, all of a sudden, the hustle and bustle of parenthood the two of them have known for the last 18-years has slowed to almost a complete stop. With a first grandchild (and a grandson, at that!) on the way, Mark and Carla have been able to take a collective deep breath and enjoy each other's company without the stress of having to be several places at once, at this competition or that game. . .They are elated over the fact that after raising two girls, they will have a newborn grandson in a few months (and perhaps a chance for Mark to coach wrestling someday, after all). Recently, they did what so many couples do who find themselves with an overabundance of free-time: they got a puppy! Yes, The Family That Mark Built was finally beginning to slow a little, and Mark was getting close to retirement. They had begun to discuss their options. No traditional retirement would ever be a true retirement for Mark, since he has never been able to sit idly by and not be active in building something, fixing something, or taking on big projects all at the same time. So, given Mark's ability to make stunning wood furniture, which is something he enjoys tremendously, he has thought about possibly opening a furniture shop. With all of his talents, his retirement options are numerous. Family members began to overhear retirement plans for both of the people who are so generous, well loved, and are such hard workers. Several times over the course of the last year or so I often thought in the back of my mind how much Mark deserved to work at his own pace on the projects about which he was most passionate. Mark Raef, my sister Carla's husband, who has been a member of our family since I was eight-years-old, has worked harder than anyone I have ever known for about the last 30-years. I was beginning to get excited FOR him to retire. If anyone deserved to slow down and enjoy the ride, it was certainly Mark. And there is no one who has been on the receiving end of Mark's generosity and willingness to help others more than I. Time after time, I would call Mark when I needed something repaired, installed, replaced, maintained, etc., and time after time he did it without complaint, usually with humor, and always as my good samaritan brother-in-law who is much more to me a brother by blood than a brother by law.
Unfortunately, the evening of July 24th changed everything for the Raef family. After suffering from a constant and painful cough that had sent him to his family doctor on five different occasions (and in general, Mark is not one to go to the doctor or even complain), the cough became so painful that an emergency room visit was in order. The initial diagnosis late that Friday night was pneumonia and lymphoma. Two days and several tests later, Mark's family was told that his body had been invaded, very aggressively, by cancer and that, pending more medical tests, lymphoma would be the best case scenario. Yes, we all hoped and prayed for lymphoma. Thinking about this fact now seems unimaginable. More tests were needed, and each test seemed to bring more bad news. The "best case scenario" of lymphoma didn't materialize, and within 48-hours, an oncologist revealed to a standing room only crowd of family members huddled around Mark's hospital bed, that he was full of cancer and his situation was dire. If that weren't too much to bear, Mark's vision began to falter and more tests revealed that he had suffered strokes while in the hospital. Now, this man who has never quite been able to sit still for longer than a lunch or dinner meal, is almost completely blind at times, and has completed his first round of chemotherapy. The side effects of the poison that is chemo, mixed with the pain from a series of shots intended to keep his white blood cell count up have rendered him almost completely bedridden and has overtaken his body with severe pain. Due to the medications he is taking and the chemotherapy, his mind, often, is not clear, and he is sometimes confused and even combatant. He cannot move his right leg due to a pinched nerve caused by the inflammation from the cancer. The cancer, according to his oncologist, is everywhere but his pancreas. Obviously, his prognosis is not good. He has not left the hospital since July 24th, the evening he entered the emergency room. However, no one is giving up on him. Anyone that knows Mark Raef knows that he CAN win this battle. The cancer was likely caused by years of Mark breathing in silica as he worked, which is the second most common mineral in the earth's crust and a major component of sand, rock, and mineral ores like Quartz. People who work in jobs like construction, masonry, mining, and sandblasting are at greater risk for developing silicosis which often eventually leads to lung cancer.
And now, this is how you can help: Carla and Mark are not receiving any income whatsoever. In order to have a house to go home to when he is able to leave the hospital, and to save the beautiful house that Mark built, Mark's immediate and extended family members are seeking donations to cover Carla and Mark's house payment, car payment, utility bills, food bills, insurance bills, medical bills that his medical insurance will not cover, and the usual other living expenses. Mark cannot be granted disability for at least six months following his last day of work, and his short-term disability only lasts 8-weeks and isn't much, especially compared to the money Mark is used to making. Mark is a proud man who has never had to seek financial assistance from anyone in any way. However, his family recognizes that he, Carla, Lacy, and Malary could use a little help from their friends right now. They have applied for every type of government assistance for which they qualify, but apparently, assistance isn't granted overnight. Anything that you could give toward Mark's Go Fund Me campaign would be welcomed immensely, even if the only thing you have to offer at the moment is a prayer for healing, strength, and a cure. Thank you in advance for reading Mark's story.
-Misty Barton
Muncie, Indiana
Organizer and beneficiary
Carla Raef
Beneficiary