Help me to help myself

Hello, my name is Bones (I've been called that since I was 2). I am 34 years old and I suffer from mental health issues including severe depression and suicidal ideation.  I have suffered with these issues for as long as I can remember but my first hospitalization occurred when I was 18. I have been hospitalized 6 times. Medication has never worked for me as I am highly susceptible to side effects but do not receive any of the benefits. I have only survived this long because I do not want to hurt those that love me and want me to stay. Despite this I recently made up my mind that I was going to kill myself. I started telling those I care about my decision and decided I would go to my scheduled therapy appointment out of respect for my amazing therapist. At this appointment my therapist brought up Ketamine treatment to me, something I was already familiar with but had never tried. This treatment could alleviate much of the hardship of dealing with suicidal thoughts and depression, but it is not cheap. I would be doing 6 treatments over the span of 2 to 3 weeks and then I would have continued treatment once a month indefinitely. These treatments are $375 each and once I begin I can not stop without having to start the process all over again.   10/05/20 is the planned date for my first treatment with 2 more treatments that week. I am running out of options and past the point of hope. However, I cannot leave my loved ones without at least trying this. I do not like to ask for help but that is what I need. This treatment could allow me the extra help I need to continue with other methods of treatment such as my regular therapy sessions. I do have a full time job but between missed work due to my issues and other medical costs and debts I cannot do this alone. Please help me to help myself... I don't want to let everyone down.