I've been living with my abusive father for two years. It was only supposed to be temporary, after being evicted from a house that the owner wanted to remodel and convert into an Airbnb. I looked for other housing but couldn't pass rental screenings due to rent debt from Covid and high credit card debt.

When I asked to move in to get back on my feet and pay down these bills, he agreed. I asked for 2-3 months of shelter to focus all my income on paying those debts. Once I moved in, he immediately changed the arrangement on me, demanding $1000 a month for a room that's less than 100 square feet. He said if I didn't pay, he would kick me out and change all the locks to the house. His reasoning was to help me "save money" and made a promise to pay me back 80% of the monthly rent paid once I eventually moved out. I begged him to reconsider, explaining my income would not allow me to sustain this amount of rent while aggressively paying down my debt - the entire reason I asked for his support. Later, when I asked for these funds because I had a lead on a room to rent but needed to show proof of the rent debt being settled (which I already negotiated) he informed me used the money to cover his expenses and didn't have it anymore.

He is my only living parent and the only family member stable enough to assist me when I was about to be homeless. He is also a violent, angry, narcissistic abuser, and the person who has been my chief tormentor for 38 years and counting. The screaming and threats started within the first week I moved in, but at first they were only in private when his employees and friends were not around to see his unvarnished truth. The violent screaming attacks became a regular occurrence on my way out to the door for work, leaving me shaking, crying, and feeling utterly hollow. My job is a public-facing sales role, which I'm very good at, but showing up to work after a red-faced, rageaholic screams and spits in my face for sometimes hours on end leaves me a shell, feeling just as stupid and worthless as he regularly screams that am.

This past week, he escalated to a full rage attack in front of his girlfriend and assistant (who rents another room in the house). Well after 10 pm, he started pounding down the bedroom door to scream at me about how much he hates me, declaring I'm no longer allowed to shower or cook in his house (because I didn't clean up his piss on the toilet I use, didn't tell him about caulking around the bathtub needed to be touched up - since I planned to do it myself - and cooked food that was too stinky). After two years of this abuse and torment, sleeping in my car with no access to a kitchen or bathroom to maintain personal hygiene is about to be my reality because his violence is escalating and I'm terrified physical violence will be the next step.

It's his pattern of behavior, which I know all too well. From ages too tender to have other permanent memories, I have vivid memories of hiding under an office desk with my older sister as he beat my mother. Of crying and shaking as he punched my sister in the face and broke her braces after she kicked him while horseplaying. Of being grabbed, shaken, and thrown against a wall after he refused to buy back-to-school clothes I picked out for myself (at age 15) and I foolishly attempted to appeal to him that they made me feel confident and comfortable even if he didn't like them. That incident left me bruised from my thigh up to my shoulder. And yet, he sees himself as the victim of abuse (the abuse is needing a parent who is compassionate, kind, and caring and being utterly disappointed and withdrawn in self-protection when he refuses to change his actions and behavior).

I need to get out or I will die (from my despair or his violence). In the past two years, my hair has started falling out from stress, my depression is dangerously severe resulting in long periods where I'm fully de-personalized and disassociating through my day, and I've lost nearly 100 pounds from being in too much anguish or too much fear to eat and anger him. My hygiene has been a huge struggle due to the severity of my despair, and I've developed cavities for the first time since I was a teenager, and nearly died after an ingrown hair became infected and turned into sepsis. The 5 days I spent in the hospital on IV antibiotics almost gave me hope he would change his behavior towards me. It only took about a week after release to get back to being horrible towards me.

I'm asking for money to help me get back on my feet and live independently again. I know I need at least $5500 to settle the Covid-19 rent debt that went to collections, and any amount above that will be used to lower my debt-to-income ratio and pay for credit repair services. Even doing all this I'm not sure I'll be able to pass the rental screening criteria without a co-signer, but I can't suffer in silence doing nothing anymore.