I can't believe this is really happening to me and yet, my story is probably not all that unique in this America we live in today.

Here I am, 59 years old at the beginning of this brand new year -- when so many of my friends have been expressing hopeful thoughts about their own futures -- and I'm imagining that if something doesn't turn around for me very quickly I will feel forced to do something very drastic. Lately, my thoughts have turned very, very dark (much darker than usual, which I admit is typically pretty dark), and at this point all I'm trying to do is not die.

So here's what happened: I lost my job at "Night Flight" on November 1, 2019, which was just the latest in a string of low-paying jobs. For the past nearly twenty years, I've mostly worked "freelance," or as a "consultant," or as a "temp" on a short-term project basis. These jobs all eventually came to an end after which I'd start the process for a job search all over again.

Most of the time I ended up doing database-related metadata clean-up projects at record companies, but no matter what I've been hired to do, I've always been able to survive because I've learned to live very frugally (I'm not much of a consumer). Because I've been living this life of penury, and have had a hard time staying gainfully employed, living paycheck to paycheck, I haven't really had any savings in the bank.

I've spent the last 60-plus days trying to find another job, but it's been unbelievably hard for me to find any kind of employment. Trust me when I say I've been searching for work every day, and I've applied online for nearly a hundred jobs at this point, and haven't had any kind of response from anyone. Most of the jobs I see have one or two requirements which keep me from being their ideal candidate, I suppose, so I've been broadening my search and applying for jobs I don't even really want to do, but I've been feeling desperate enough to talk myself into anything.

Lately I've even been applying for jobs like dishwasher, janitor, stockroom & warehouse worker and other types of light labor jobs, the kinds of work I haven't done since I was a teenager, all just to be able to pay my bills, including my rent, but I can't even get any of those jobs.

I've even gone directly into businesses in my local area, and asked the people in charge for any work they might have for me — I've offered to sweep floors and take out trash, which has made me feel like a hobo going door-to-door like something you'd see in an old black & white TV show — but they usually tell me to just go and look at their website for any available jobs, and when I do that, I typically find nothing listed.

What all of this means is that, by the end of the month, I expect to be homeless, and I really don't think I can survive being on the streets with all the thousands of other people here in L.A. in the same situation.

As very few of you likely know, I also now have a few health issues which keep me from doing the more strenuous types of jobs I might have been able to do just a few years ago. My childhood asthma/breathing problems have returned, and I'm also having problems with what I assume is arthritis in both my knees and hands, not to mention other signs that I'm not a kid anymore, but these problems aren't unique and shouldn't keep me from being able to work.

I've asked my own family for help, but they have their own lives to live and they've not been able to do anything to help me, and so now I'm turning to my friends, which, believe me, is not something I feel very good about (I really haven't wanted to burden any of you about my problems because, let's face it, we all have problems).

If you don't have a lead for a job I can actually do (not to mention get hired to do), here in L.A. where I've been living since the early '90s, perhaps you can make a donation and help me keep a roof over my head, keep the lights on, and the internet and phone plugged in so I can continue my job search, and the gas on too so I can take a shower and use my oven/stove each day.

I really don't need much to survive — my apartment (in the Miracle Mile neighborhood of Los Angeles) is rent-controlled and is actually very, very reasonable considering that I live in a very expensive city, but I'll be forced to live on the streets if I can't pay the rent this month (it was due on the 1st).

No amount you can spare is too small (and I realize this is happening right after Christmas) and I truly appreciate every penny that you might contribute to help me out until some kind of job comes along. I would love to be able to get to the point financially where I can pay any of you back for helping me out during this very dark time in my life.

Please know that I will be very grateful for any help I can get, especially if it allows me stay in my apartment for the foreseeable future. You can contact me via message at Facebook to discuss job possiblities too, I'm open to hearing about anything at this point.

Thank you, dear friends, for anything you can do, even your positive vibes and well wishes are appreciated.