TL;DR My husband cheated on me, drove me into debt, took my emotional support dog, gaslit/emotionally abused me, made me spend thousands of dollars to flee him and is now threatening to sue me. Because of all hes done I can't afford a lawyer to defend myself, divorce him, and get my baby back.



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Hi, my name is Brad. I never though I would have to do this but 2020 really did a number on me...

I married my husband in 2019 before he joined the navy and left for basic training in early January of 2020. Due to a critical accident in basic he spent several months longer in basic training than ordinary and we were apart for longer than originally anticipated. During this time I also lost my job and was denied unemployment. I struggled to make ends meet but once he got out of basic training in August I moved cross country from Austin, Texas to San Diego, California with our pictured dog Apollo to reunite with him. After getting to San Diego I lost my new job after a few months and was unemployed, again.

Our time in San Diego started off happy but soon turned sour. I never figured things were that bad, until I checked his phone and found out he had been cheating on me since before I even moved to San Diego. 

His text messages showed he was planning on divorcing me before I even moved to California. He told people before I got there that he was no longer attracted to me - that I put on 40 lbs and he no longer loved me. He just had me move out there so I’d pay for half of rent and he could keep his housing allowance and spousal support for himself. Being a good husband (who had no idea about anything he was doing) I wanted to carry my weight monetarily speaking so I continued to pay for half of the sky-high California rent with the small amount of money I was making and didn’t really question anything. Because I was spending so much on rent I was slowly going further and further into credit card debt to pay for other expenses. I had no idea he was making as much money as he was and that he was keeping it from me.

The longer I stayed in California the more things became more tense. I would notice small inconsistencies in his statements and he would gaslight me and tell me I was mis-remembering things or that he had never said what I was certain he told me. At one point I was convinced I needed to start recording my conversations because I had such a bad memory.

Eventually I finally checked his phone when I had had enough. When I pieced everything together it was devastating. I left my whole life behind in Texas - my friends, family, everything and moved in a pandemic all by myself. I decided it was no longer safe me for me stay with this man as I could no longer trust him, so I had to hire movers same day and move my stuff into storage and drive home to Texas.

While in the midst of moving my husband ambushed me and took the dog we adopted as a couple and who is my emotional support animal. In the ensuing wrestling match over our dog the police were called and they let our German Shepherd stay with my spouse. That dog is my child and I watched him by myself for an entire year while my spouse was away.  I was heartbroken seeing the pet I love being held hostage and having to choose between my own safety or staying to keep him.

I have contacted several lawyers who all say that a divorce would run me over 5 thousand dollars (not including actual court costs). On top of that I have to pay to move all my stuff back to Texas out of pocket, all while unemployed. My husband continues to collect his housing allowance and spousal support and is threatening to take me to small claims court for refusing to pay 1k per month for my share of rent on the apartment, even though he has changed the locks at this point. He has also threatened legal action against me for going to his phone and copying his pictures and videos of proof of his actions.

I have never felt so low as I do during this divorce. I failed to notice so many red flags and wish I could go back in time to never move out to California. At the end of the day I want to make sure he doesn't win again by using his financial advantage to hire a lawyer when I cannot.  Any money you can provide would be life changing for me.  Be it $1, $5, or $10, every donation is one step closer to independence from my manipulative spouse.