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Support Bradley's Healing Journey
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We are approaching Bradley's one year anniversary of being adopted into the Blackmore family. We have loved on Bradley for 2 1/2 years now as our son. We have shared loving and amazing times together, and we have shared many hard times together as well. It has become so hard that we are having to seek additional services and treatments for Bradley outside of what his insurance will cover. We have prayed and sought wisdom from trusted people in our lives and have developed a plan we believe God wants us to follow to help Bradley in his healing journey. We invite you to be a part of it. Please read below for further details and updates on what has been going on. Thank you for being part of our adoption journey.
“Adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.” --Derek Loux
Friends,
We are reaching out to you with an update, a request for prayer, and a call to action. There is a little boy’s life at stake and the road has been bumpy, but healing is on the way. And, you can be a part of the redemptive story.
Many of you are on our prayer team. Some of you may follow our private family Facebook page. The two pages are very different, but both show the joys and struggles of accepting the call to raise a boy who has experienced severe trauma no person, certainly not a child, should ever experience. It has been harder than we could have ever imagined and while we fail daily, we have given it everything and then some. There has been no time we have understood or lived out the Gospel in such a way in our entire lives. Buying back lives for the Lord is costly.
It is our belief that there is a real enemy that believed he had Bradley. He has lied to him and exposed him to things that are the direct opposite of his true nature, of how God made him. Bradley is a Protector, not an abuser. He is patient and kind. He sticks up for the underdog and will put his reputation on the line for what he believes to be right. This is scary to the enemy because now Bradley is in an environment that is going to nurture the qualities God placed in him and not quit on him like everyone else has done in his past.
While all these wonderful qualities are true about Bradley, we have to be honest that the flesh nature inside of him, the things that he has been modeled during his formative years, have been very hard to break. The abuse and neglect that happened to him in those early years has affected the way his brain formed and he struggles often with triggers from his trauma. It has taken him 2 years before he has started opening up to us about some of the abuse that he has endured.
When children suffer abuse and neglect, they often revert back to the emotional age when they experienced that trauma. Even though Bradley is a bright, fun 10 year old boy physically and educationally, he is at a toddler level emotionally and mentally in many ways. This presents a challenging situation to parent and often we deal with toddler tantrums, but in a 10 year old body. This has been going on for 2 ½ years now most of the time.
What it takes to parent children who have come from hard places is consistency and structure and you have to be in it for the long haul because these changes do not take place overnight. Brian and I have been very diligent in parenting this way all the time, but as many of you know, it is hard to be a parent. The level of mental and physical effort it takes to parent our boys is on a whole different level than typical parenting, which is hard in and of itself. Brian and I should have done more to have down time over these years, but for various reasons, were not able to do so as much as we’ve needed. Honestly, we have been at a breaking point lately, physically and emotionally, and really need some more consistent breaks to rest and recharge so that we can give our boys the level of parenting, love and nurture they deserve.
We have been blessed with wise counsel over the past few weeks and have spent much time in prayer and thought regarding what is best for our whole family and what would best serve Bradley. We have tried all types of therapies and approaches with Bradley that have yielded very little result over the last 2 ½ years. The most result has been the therapy Brian and I do with him at home, however we are not trained therapists and while we have seen some breakthrough, we are not trained to deal with his behaviors that result from his trauma. Our concern lately has been how his extreme behaviors are impacting our family, including what he models to Adam. It is hard to balance protecting Adam and meeting Bradley’s needs when he is struggling to regulate his behaviors. It also has taken a huge toll on Brian and I emotionally, spiritually, and lately physically.
As we have prayed and sought wise counsel over the last few weeks, we are confident in our next approach to Bradley’s healing journey (and our family’s healing journey) and would like to share the steps we feel led to take below.
Step 1: Respite Services on a Monthly Basis
Brian and I cannot be our best selves if we are constantly maxed out and walking on eggshells all the time, not having the capacity to deal with and help Bradley and Adam. It has been recommended to us from multiple trusted sources over the years that we need to have 1 weekend a month to decompress and rest. We also are having to homeschool Bradley right now because he is not able to be in public school because of his needs, so we are with him that much more often. Due to where Bradley is at right now with his behaviors, he is not able to stay with others like a vacation on a regular basis (which is how we made homeschool work last Spring). He needs a very structured environment with someone who knows how to handle his needs and can coach and counsel him while he stays.
We have been fortunate to find a strong Christian woman who was adopted from foster care herself and now has a ministry to help adopted children stay in their homes by working with them and their parents on how to make life work better. We have been working with her for a couple of weeks and Bradley had already had 2 stays with her and it has helped him already (and us!). It is not fun or a vacation, but a structured environment where he gets help regulating the behaviors that got him to the place of having to leave our home for a short while. We are so thankful for this opportunity for our family and believe it is an answer from God for the season we are in.
We would like to arrange monthly respite visits where Bradley stays with her so that we can have some down time to recharge. This is essential for us right now.
Step 2: Therapist who specializes in Adopted Children’s Needs
The respite provider works very closely with a therapist in Huntersville that primarily works with kids who are dealing with the same or worse issues than Bradley. She has over 20 years of experience and has a good track record. She is not accepting new patients right now, but has agreed to take Bradley on as a client because he is working with the respite provider. The good thing about this is that this will be a team approach between the respite provider, therapist and what we are doing at home.
This therapist does not accept Bradley's insurance and we will have to pay out of pocket, but believe that it will be worth it.
Step 3: Testing
We are going to arrange for some testing to see what parts of Bradley’s brain are functioning normally or not functioning. Many times children’s brains who have experienced trauma do not function the same as a normal developing brain. We hope to find out if there are any physical situations that may be attributing to some of the outbursts.
The testing that gives the best picture of what is going on is not covered by Bradley's insurance and we will have to pay out of pocket.
Step 4: Partners
We have exhausted all options that Bradley’s medical insurance will cover and now all 3 of the steps above will require significant costs out of pocket for our family. This is not a place that we ever thought we would be in, 2 ½ years into this process. Pride has put up a fight inside of us to get to the point of asking our friends and family to consider partnering with us financially on this journey, but we realized that this isn’t about us, it’s about redeeming a boy’s life. And who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?
We know that some people in our lives want to help, but may not know exactly what to do during this time. We want to give you an easy and tangible way to sow into the life of an orphan who has now become a son, to help him get to a place of fully realizing what that means in his life. How amazing to get to part of his journey with us? Bradley is an amazing investment!
Would you partner with us on this journey? We know that what God wills, He will provide. He has confirmed to us that He wants us to make the ask. Thank you in advance for your prayers and gifts to our family during this time. We are believing for major breakthroughs as we trust God with our boy’s future.
“Adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him.” --Derek Loux
Friends,
We are reaching out to you with an update, a request for prayer, and a call to action. There is a little boy’s life at stake and the road has been bumpy, but healing is on the way. And, you can be a part of the redemptive story.
Many of you are on our prayer team. Some of you may follow our private family Facebook page. The two pages are very different, but both show the joys and struggles of accepting the call to raise a boy who has experienced severe trauma no person, certainly not a child, should ever experience. It has been harder than we could have ever imagined and while we fail daily, we have given it everything and then some. There has been no time we have understood or lived out the Gospel in such a way in our entire lives. Buying back lives for the Lord is costly.
It is our belief that there is a real enemy that believed he had Bradley. He has lied to him and exposed him to things that are the direct opposite of his true nature, of how God made him. Bradley is a Protector, not an abuser. He is patient and kind. He sticks up for the underdog and will put his reputation on the line for what he believes to be right. This is scary to the enemy because now Bradley is in an environment that is going to nurture the qualities God placed in him and not quit on him like everyone else has done in his past.
While all these wonderful qualities are true about Bradley, we have to be honest that the flesh nature inside of him, the things that he has been modeled during his formative years, have been very hard to break. The abuse and neglect that happened to him in those early years has affected the way his brain formed and he struggles often with triggers from his trauma. It has taken him 2 years before he has started opening up to us about some of the abuse that he has endured.
When children suffer abuse and neglect, they often revert back to the emotional age when they experienced that trauma. Even though Bradley is a bright, fun 10 year old boy physically and educationally, he is at a toddler level emotionally and mentally in many ways. This presents a challenging situation to parent and often we deal with toddler tantrums, but in a 10 year old body. This has been going on for 2 ½ years now most of the time.
What it takes to parent children who have come from hard places is consistency and structure and you have to be in it for the long haul because these changes do not take place overnight. Brian and I have been very diligent in parenting this way all the time, but as many of you know, it is hard to be a parent. The level of mental and physical effort it takes to parent our boys is on a whole different level than typical parenting, which is hard in and of itself. Brian and I should have done more to have down time over these years, but for various reasons, were not able to do so as much as we’ve needed. Honestly, we have been at a breaking point lately, physically and emotionally, and really need some more consistent breaks to rest and recharge so that we can give our boys the level of parenting, love and nurture they deserve.
We have been blessed with wise counsel over the past few weeks and have spent much time in prayer and thought regarding what is best for our whole family and what would best serve Bradley. We have tried all types of therapies and approaches with Bradley that have yielded very little result over the last 2 ½ years. The most result has been the therapy Brian and I do with him at home, however we are not trained therapists and while we have seen some breakthrough, we are not trained to deal with his behaviors that result from his trauma. Our concern lately has been how his extreme behaviors are impacting our family, including what he models to Adam. It is hard to balance protecting Adam and meeting Bradley’s needs when he is struggling to regulate his behaviors. It also has taken a huge toll on Brian and I emotionally, spiritually, and lately physically.
As we have prayed and sought wise counsel over the last few weeks, we are confident in our next approach to Bradley’s healing journey (and our family’s healing journey) and would like to share the steps we feel led to take below.
Step 1: Respite Services on a Monthly Basis
Brian and I cannot be our best selves if we are constantly maxed out and walking on eggshells all the time, not having the capacity to deal with and help Bradley and Adam. It has been recommended to us from multiple trusted sources over the years that we need to have 1 weekend a month to decompress and rest. We also are having to homeschool Bradley right now because he is not able to be in public school because of his needs, so we are with him that much more often. Due to where Bradley is at right now with his behaviors, he is not able to stay with others like a vacation on a regular basis (which is how we made homeschool work last Spring). He needs a very structured environment with someone who knows how to handle his needs and can coach and counsel him while he stays.
We have been fortunate to find a strong Christian woman who was adopted from foster care herself and now has a ministry to help adopted children stay in their homes by working with them and their parents on how to make life work better. We have been working with her for a couple of weeks and Bradley had already had 2 stays with her and it has helped him already (and us!). It is not fun or a vacation, but a structured environment where he gets help regulating the behaviors that got him to the place of having to leave our home for a short while. We are so thankful for this opportunity for our family and believe it is an answer from God for the season we are in.
We would like to arrange monthly respite visits where Bradley stays with her so that we can have some down time to recharge. This is essential for us right now.
Step 2: Therapist who specializes in Adopted Children’s Needs
The respite provider works very closely with a therapist in Huntersville that primarily works with kids who are dealing with the same or worse issues than Bradley. She has over 20 years of experience and has a good track record. She is not accepting new patients right now, but has agreed to take Bradley on as a client because he is working with the respite provider. The good thing about this is that this will be a team approach between the respite provider, therapist and what we are doing at home.
This therapist does not accept Bradley's insurance and we will have to pay out of pocket, but believe that it will be worth it.
Step 3: Testing
We are going to arrange for some testing to see what parts of Bradley’s brain are functioning normally or not functioning. Many times children’s brains who have experienced trauma do not function the same as a normal developing brain. We hope to find out if there are any physical situations that may be attributing to some of the outbursts.
The testing that gives the best picture of what is going on is not covered by Bradley's insurance and we will have to pay out of pocket.
Step 4: Partners
We have exhausted all options that Bradley’s medical insurance will cover and now all 3 of the steps above will require significant costs out of pocket for our family. This is not a place that we ever thought we would be in, 2 ½ years into this process. Pride has put up a fight inside of us to get to the point of asking our friends and family to consider partnering with us financially on this journey, but we realized that this isn’t about us, it’s about redeeming a boy’s life. And who wouldn’t want to be a part of that?
We know that some people in our lives want to help, but may not know exactly what to do during this time. We want to give you an easy and tangible way to sow into the life of an orphan who has now become a son, to help him get to a place of fully realizing what that means in his life. How amazing to get to part of his journey with us? Bradley is an amazing investment!
Would you partner with us on this journey? We know that what God wills, He will provide. He has confirmed to us that He wants us to make the ask. Thank you in advance for your prayers and gifts to our family during this time. We are believing for major breakthroughs as we trust God with our boy’s future.
Donations
Organizer
Erin Blackmore
Organizer
Indian Trail, NC