Bob Gertsen’s Ongoing Cancer Battle: “I Want My Life Back”

Hi, it’s Bob, and I’m going to take you through a quasi-brief prologue before I get into the details of this medical crisis that prompts such a headline, or topic for some sort of a Lifetime Movie, name your poison. Over the recents years, I have been immersed in the secret internal mental battle of the “hows”, the “whys”, and the “what ifs”. To those of you who have valiantly attempted to win this self created war, or even come to a treaty or a truce, I express my sincere condolences, as it is ‘unwinable”. The cruel, never ending self evaluation and consequent gutting of any semblance of accomplishment that remains, was never in my vocabulary. Since my Cedar Elementary School education, I have been a “do-er”. As a third and fourth grade student, I was reading to the elderly at a local Rest Home, and spending time with the developementally and differently-abled “kids” at The Saint Coletta School. This evolved into donations to various humanitarian efforts throughout my life, as well as a combination of volunteer hours and donations to causes and political campaigns. Retrospectively prophetic, I was also an AIDS educator, and a support “Buddy” to those infected by both the deadly disease, and the societal judgement that still exists today.

I’m supposed to be writing this in support of a friend or colleague faced with a crisis, NEVER myself. I am faced with homelessness, food insecurity, unemployment, and the unbelievable loss of every personal item I’ve ever held in my possession. All furnishings, hand woven and Oriental carpets, original and print artwork, framed photography, my entire collection of kitchenware, china, silver, jewelry, personal memories, photos, school yearbooks, and all of my clothing with the exception of three duffel bags and a suitcase. All of it purchased as a long term or lifetime investment. I realize, it is just stuff, but it’s all that I had to my name with no partner, boyfriend, husband, or kids. I also lost a beloved pet, and severed many family relationships. Tremendous losses at every level. All of that being said, I will remain a “do-er”, and with your help, receive a “do-over” as I fight to re-establish a reasonable life..

During July of 2007, on the day of my beloved Nana’s death, I learned I had contracted HIV, two life changing events coinciding, standing in the drizzle on my mobile phone in front of my Aunt’s house, as funeral details were being finalized inside. About two weeks later, lots of bloodwork revealed that my counts were in a safe range, not requiring the AIDS Cocktails of still nascent, potentially harmful medications. So, good news, and boy did I need some, I thought. I had what appeared to be a cyst on the back of my neck, so I scheduled a dermatology appointment on that same day. They removed it, off to the labs it went, and two and a half weeks later I receive a call that I have Kaposi’s Sarcoma. I knew exactly what it was, one of the two most deadly opportunistic diseases that HIV patients contracted and died. Time for chemo which is typically effective after one cycle of treatments in addition to a lifetime of aforementioned “cocktails”, and doesn’t return.. sadly, not for me. During the course of the next three and a half years, there’s were three more cycles and a couple of clinical trials. It then disappeared, until about a year ago..again, not for me. Needless to say, I have spent many hours at medical appointments, and tons of bloodwork, and I was regularly receiving my PSA level, a blood count that measures your prostate function. My paternal grandfather passed away of Prostate Cancer, and my father went through many radiation treatments for this familial “bonus”, and has been cancer free for many years. Well, it appears I got the overachieving gene, as a “normal” count is between 0-4, and mine raced from a 3.5 to a 47over approx one year. So, at that point, I made the choice to keep an eye on the KS, and focus on eradicating the Prostate Cancer, and it made sense to eradicate the gland all together. They believe they got it all, but I should know if I have to have radiation therapy, additionally, later this week. However, the inordinate stress I hav been under has cause the KS to jump to another level. Stay tuned.

All of this combined, is taking its toll, and I need any financial support you can offer, and feel free to spread the word to anyone who will listen. My parents are in assisted living currently, and there are a lot of stressors involved. I am doing my best to keep it all together, but the basics must be addressed. Thank you all for reading this novella.. and this too shall pass.

PS- I have been staying at my cousin Rachel (Bongiorno) Smith’s condo in Marblehead, which is coming to a close soon, if you were wondering about the Marblehead location.