Bipolar Battle: Starting Over

I'm scared. Right now, my body is constantly fighting to live while my brain is constantly fighting to die.

For years, I have struggled with bipolar disorder. I have tried to function with it, but it repeatedly rears its ugly head in my life. I have had times of being a high-functioning adult, but they are only periodic windows of normalcy in a life of insanity.

I've been suicidal multiple times and have been in inpatient behavioral health hospitals as a result. I have also done partial hospital programs and intensive outpatient programs with limited results.

I had ECT, which temporarily stopped my symptoms but caused a loss in memory, concentration, and cognitive ability. This has only made it harder to function. I have been fired from every job I've had since having ECT.

The one thing I wish more than anything is for one day to be normal in my head. To not have to fight. To be able to relax. To be able to breathe.

In an effort to achieve my wish, I am undergoing TMS therapy. This fundraiser is to raise the funds for the therapy, transportation, and living expenses during this time. My disability renewal was denied and I'm in the process of obtaining a lawyer to help me get those benefits back. Any contribution will be greatly appreciated. A share would also be appreciated.