Desperate help needed

Hi, my name is Samantha,

I am sorry to have to ask for help but this is my last desperate attempt to survive.

I am a survivor of horrific childhood abuse. Five years ago I finally escaped it by running away to stay at a friend's place which was supposed to be temporary, with myself and my emotional support rescued cats, and my old rescued horse. I was previously diagnosed with four major mental disabilities (Severe Clinical Depression, Severe Panic Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder, and Complex PTSD) because of my past. I moved to Minnesota because a family member attempted to kill me.

I also have a wrist disability that makes me unable to lift over 15 lbs, which was worsened by the jobs I held here when I moved here but was unable to seek compensation for the damage caused because it was a pre-existing condition. At my last job, I injured my back and it has not healed, and though I reported it every day for over a year my boss would not make a record of it so I could not seek compensation there either.

I was fired from my low-paying job because of my wrist disability (though I was hired with the promise they would never expect me to go against my doctor's orders), and because I turned in a co-worker for harassment because he threatened my life with a knife.

I do not have a driver's license. I have failed 3 tests to get it over the last 3 years due to having PTSD flashbacks during the tests. I am 3 miles out in the country and have no transportation available. Attempts to work with local services since November 2022 have proven to not be fruitful and I've exhausted all options.

I am unable to take medication for my disabilities as I am allergic to all forms of it. The only help I have dealing with them comes in the form of my emotional support animals (which are rescued cats). I have tried to find another home for my old horse, despite the emotional damage it would cause me, but no one will take him.

I have tried for 2 years now to find gainful employment and cannot get hired due to no transportation and my disabilities.

While I was gainfully employed, I published a number of books. Because of this, both the state and the federal consider me a business owner and not unemployed so they refuse to offer me assistance even though my writing is a hobby that makes very little income (if any, less than $20 every few months usually).

I lost the only person I could have run home to (my grandmother) this March (2023). I have lost 4 close family members in 3 years and have no options for family help really left save one who can only help sometimes.

The churches in my area refuse to help me as I'm not local or part of their organizations and they told me I just moved here to abuse their charity.

I have literally exhausted every other avenue and this is my last desperate attempt at survival until I can find some way of getting a job despite my crippling disabilities and lack of transportation.

I have a few cats and a very old horse who are the only reasons I have stayed alive as long as I have, and I need help to keep us all fed and pay bills until I can figure something out. The money is all directly going to pay for monthly bills (electricity/phone/internet), and food for the animals to eat, I am eating very little myself to be able to cover everything.

I live in a very old camper that was renovated that has no running water/plumbing and have to rely on the neighbors for showers/laundry. It does not stay warm in the winter or cold in the summer (it can get as low as 40 degrees in the winter and 110 degrees in the summer INDOORS). I have to buy bottled water for everything. I've been stuck here for six years living this way because I ran away from a very abusive situation from parents who did not teach me how to survive without them and I have had very little help from the local community. The county considers me homeless because my camper is not really liveable but I am on a very long wait list for the housing assistance and I may not be able to get it because of my therapy animals.

I have spent my life trying to support and uplift others who are suffering from severe depression and continue to do so. I have lost many people to suicide and darkness and I am trying to make a difference to save others through my acts and my writing. I know very well that I am just one of many many people suffering right now, and I hate asking for help when others might need it more, but I have no other options. Thank you for looking.