Ben's Research Fund

I’m Ben, and I’m a mathematician. Yes, I’m one of those people. I normally pursue career advancement of some form over the summer, and this year I chose to work on research for my dissertation. (I don’t want to be a grad student any longer than necessary) To finance my summer, I’ve been looking for a shitty part-time job, the kind that’s flexible and would leave time to do research. However, work’s been hard to find this summer. I’ve looked and looked, applied to a couple dozen jobs, called on those jobs, and have really only managed to find some temporary work. I’ve actually worked with some cool people and it’s been a neat experience, but I’m definitely not bringing in the kind of money I’d like to! Nor is the cash flow consistent! That makes it tough to mainline wine as constantly as I’d like. (You can’t really mainline beer cause of the bubbles.) How am I supposed to get drunk enough to fall asleep face down on the street, like, in the middle, if I don’t have money for liquor? How am I supposed to buy coffee for the hangovers? 

I plead to you, fellow human, don’t make me do research sober! Please donate as much as you can, recurring donations are encouraged.

I’m not completely shameless, so I’m going to offer some neat stuff in return for your kindness!

I intend to keep track of recurring donations and tally up every donation you make to determine your rewards. If you reach, for example, Purple Belt, you'll receive the rewards for White, Yellow, Orange, Green, Green/Blue, Blue, Red and Purple.

Some of the rewards mention questions, here's what that means: 

I’ll give you prime access to a service that is usually reserved for my family. I'll answer math questions that trip you up in your daily life. I'll attempt to answer these within a few hours of being asked. (Typically every time I swap out my wine drip. I'll actually attempt to answer within 15 minutes)  These are guilt free questions, nothing is too simple to ask, just send it my way and with the answer I'll tell you how many questions you have remaining. These don't expire and are transferrable. 

Examples: Hiring a contractor? Want to make sure he’s not charging you too much? Send me the description of the job and what he’s supposed to be paid hourly. I’ll double check his bill.

Need to convert some quantity into another quantity? I’ll stop whatever I'm doing, (when the rum's gone) to write out a detailed description of how to do your conversion. 

Having an argument with a friend, does your point hinge on the math? Need helping proving them wrong? Ask me, I’ll be happy to make your friends look dumb for you!

Trouble with fractions? E-mail me!

For some peace of mind: How I intend to use the money you donate. I will pay myself an hourly wage to do research with the money you donate, I won't spend a cent of it that isn't earned in this way. If we reach the goal, I can stop looking for work altogether and dedicate as much time to my diss. as possible. 

Thank you sincerely for your help,

Ben