Help Ben beat bladder cancer!

Last fall, Ben started experiencing some concerning symptoms which led to the discovery of a bladder tumor. He had that removed in December and a biopsy showed that it was cancerous and into the muscle layer of the bladder, which makes it the most concerning type. His doc sent him to UNC (top tier bladder oncology team in the country) for a second opinion and they confirmed that it was both into the muscle layer and was the kind that had the tendency to spread into the lymph cells. Originally we were presented with an option to save the bladder and use radiation, but with the discovery of the specific type of cell, our path became clearer...a few rounds of chemo and then removing the bladder will provide the very best chance of curing with no recurrence. Leaving the bladder with this type of diagnosis has unfortunately extremely high rates of recurrence and metastasis, and a very discouraging prognosis.

So, Ben underwent 4 rounds of chemo this spring (and continued to see patients and play bass throughout!) Of course, his attitude has been incredile, because that's Ben. He did not lose his hair (diff kind of chemo) but did have pretty significant fatigue and some kooky digestive issues... a water aversion was the most unpleasant for sure. But he kept his head up, rested when he needed to, and finished chemo in early May. Since then we've been focusing on building back his strength and nutrition. Blood tests, CTs and PET scans have been encouraging that this was caught before spreading and so we proceeded with surgery on June 20th at UNC to remove the bladder and a few surrounding lymph nodes to be safe. It was a 6 hour surgery where they created an ileal conduit to replace the bladder. He will have a urostomy bag for the rest of his life, (unless bladder transplant/neobladder technologies have a major breakthrough... we should learn to never say never!) All biopsies of surrounding tissues were negative for cancer

After a 3-day hospital stay, Ben is now home with significant activity and lifting restrictions for several weeks, and we are learning a whole new system using the urostomy bag to replace what the bladder does. He is currently dealing with a good bit of swelling that is making many positions uncomfortable, but overall he is healing nicely. We know that will take a few months to really get the hang of, but we are so thankful that this aggressive treatment plan is meant to cure.

The kids and I have been very busy helping Ben and getting through this as a family with faith and even humor. Losing our sweet crazy Bella dog the week before surgery was a terrible experience, but we know that even the darkest times don't last forever. "This too shall pass."

People have been asking how they can help support as we get through the next few months while Ben has surgery and recovers. We are trying to figure out what that may look like. I think for our local friends and fam, things like freezer meals, grocery runs or gift cards, yard work, hauling things to dump, and hauling my kids off to do fun stuff with friends would be some ideas. Thank you so much to friends and family who have sent food and $, and to our friends who gave me a place to stay in Chapel Hill only 10 minutes away from the hospital. What a weight you have already lifted from our shoulders!

I have been reluctant to do a godfundme because I just wasn't sure what our financial needs would be. His working hours were decreased throughout the spring with chemo, and now he will be home recovering for likely 4-8 weeks before returning to a light caseload. I have also temporarily stopped taking doula clients so I could care for Ben. But we are doing ok. It's a scary time in the world to have unpredictable finances, but we also know we are extremely blessed. For those who have asked how to support us financially, this gofundme is one avenue to do that.

We are mostly grateful for your prayers. I have felt them in the darkest days. There have been some times when I feel too scared or sad to get out of bed, but I see Ben go through everything he's already done with hope and perseverance and it's just impossible to let fear win. God really has given us such clear guidance every step of the way, and we are thankful for our friends who help remind us that we are never alone in this.

When I posted on our Facebook for the first time, we had so many people reach out, from so many past times and places in our lives. We realized how many people we've met who we consider as friends, from our childhood, our schools, our communities, work, church families, traveling. Thank you so much for checking in on us.

So much love to you ❤️

Lou and Ben and the kiddos