Hi friends, this is a tough one but I could certainly use help. Time is always unknown with someone, and sometimes that time gets cut unfairly short.

Ben and I made each other happy and built a life together. He taught me how to let go, heal and be loved. As most of you know, Ben was diagnosed with cancer in 2024 - right as we were in the middle of searching for a home together. We knew we didn’t want to have children, but we did want to put down roots together, and enjoy supporting local Vermont community. After surgeries, and a highly successful round of chemo, we found our dream house. As you also know, this economy is tough! It was a stretch of our resources, but we were determined to live our dream. We knew the cancer may come back, but did not expect it to return just less than a year later.

Radiation and rounds of unsuccessful chemo lead us to a rock and a hard place. Continue dealing with quality of life killing side effects from a treatment that seems to be doing nothing as the tumors grow? Or stop the suffering to just ease the pain for a while? Ben chose to spend time with me in hopes we have some good memories left, and to feel a little more like himself to say goodbye. The fickle thing about cancer is you never really know how much time is left, but the oncologists say we likely are looking at 6 months or so. We both feel obviously like we are too young to be losing each other so soon, just when we were building our life together comfortably.

Dying under capitalism is also especially soul crushing, because of course: dying is expensive too. The reality of my life is that when Ben leaves this earth, I will be left to live with a fraction of the income we have shared for twelve years. That will be manageable in time, but just a year ago, we put the entirety of our savings, and quite a lot of credit into our new home. We planned to be here forever, and didn’t know that would be such a short time. We have put thousands into the house, and racked up some debt along the way, that I am going to have trouble with when it comes down to just me alone.

I am currently figuring all the ins and outs about what I need to get done when a partner in life dies, and how to survive afterwards. I understand this number is high! And I cannot stress enough that absolutely ANY amount is helpful. 5$, 20$…sharing the link for free, anything. Anything will help me be ok later on my own, and provide security for me going forward. I am already feeling loved and supported by this greater community in all the ways that you help me, monetarily or not. I figure if folks ask how they can help, I can at least be real about it: this helps.

Ben is here with me for now, and we are taking it day by day. Thank you to all who reach out and send us love in many ways. Hoping to find a way to make this work as we come to the unfortunate end of our chapter together.