Over the last year, I have seen the positive effects of hormone therapy. I am seeing myself in the mirror more and more. For me, top surgery will be a release from the physical bonds that I wear every day.
For the large majority of my life, I have not felt that my outside appearance matches who I am. I remember, growing up, in every dream I had, I was male. I did not think much of it. Once I came out as trans, I started being trans in my dreams. If I am being honest, I miss it. It was the one place where I felt most myself. I didn't feel weird or different, and sometimes I wish I could go back to that. I can't, so I take it as a reminder to be more present.
About a year ago, I decided it was time to plan my top surgery. I went to a therapist, got all of my documentation in order, and booked an appointment for a consultation with a surgeon. It was imperative that I get a date before the end of the year because I already had met my deductible through a different surgery. I was lucky; in June of this year, my surgery date was scheduled for December 6th. I knew it would be tight to pull everything off, however, I believed I could do it.
The past few months have not been the easiest. Most significantly, I was unexpectedly laid off from my job where I had worked full-time for over two years. I have since been doing freelance carpentry projects and working hard to make ends meet. The great thing is that I love carpentry and it has been wonderful to get back to my roots. The downside is that I no longer have sick or vacation time, and this surgery will require me to be out of work for 6 to 8 weeks.
Even though I believe that it's good for others to ask for help when they need it, I'm having a very hard time doing it for myself. Without the help of my community, having this surgery in December will not be an option. This would mean my surgery would be postponed indefinitely. The thought that I have come this far to be unable to see this through is heartbreaking, so I’m getting over my fear and standing up for myself.
I am asking my friends, my family, and my community to do what they can to support me. Obviously, any donations will be greatly appreciated. However, if you're unable to contribute financially, please consider sharing this page with others, dropping off a casserole while I recover, or stopping by to visit and celebrate my results!
Thanks so much for reading all of this; I'm lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.
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