Bea’s Gender Aligning Surgery Fund

I want to be real with you , transitioning is a tough, emotional, vulnerable process that can be humiliating and heartbreaking. I tend to hide behind filters and makeup to look as feminine as I feel, but I don’t always feel very comfortable with my appearance. While I have my moments of gender euphoria, more often than not, I feel the exact opposite and just want to curl up and hide. I always try to project confidence, but dysphoria is a mean little bitch. Being misgendered every time I step into public really feeds that dysphoria monster and my social anxiety in a big way, because it makes me realize the world still receives me as this man that I don’t see. It makes me think that people in general believe that I am a man in a dress, playing some silly game. It takes my very real identity and diminishes it/ dismisses it as a joke. Everyone has their insecurities, of course, so I don’t attach any shame to these feelings when they arrive, but I have to name and acknowledge them since they’re so intense, persistent, and disruptive to my happiness/normal functioning. My body has come a long way since I started medically transitioning, but my facial-dysphoria remains off the charts. I hoped it would improve after some time, but it’s only intensified after nearly 2 years on HRT. I find myself leaving the house less often and withdrawing socially more and more (covid and nursing school fuel this reclusive fire). I’m still working with @enfusemedicalspa (the best) to get rid of my facial hair, my stubborn stubble might require electrolysis. The next step in my transition, which I truly believe will be life-changing for me, is Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). There is no part of me that believes this will magically fix all my problems. This is also not an effort to “fix” myself- I do not see myself as broken. It’s just a step that I can take to feel more like myself and that was the goal from the start/continues to be my transition goal today. The current obstacle is that it is wildly expensive ($35,000) and not one penny is covered by Medicaid, so I am humbly asking for your help. I know people are struggling so only donate what you can , even if it’s $5! Every little bit helps. If you cannot donate at all, which I totally understand, I would be so grateful if you would share this link. Hopefully, I can get to a place where my reflection doesn’t disappoint me/feel like it belongs to someone else...and I will see the cheerful, goofy girl I am in my heart smiling back at me. #transawarenessweek