Battling Cancer Alone at 39

Hi, my name is Katrine, I'm 39 and I'm battling tripple negative breast cancer, stage 2, grade 3. It's an aggressive rare cancer with a high recurrence rate.

I was diagnosed in August 2023, around the time of the first year anniversary of the death of my dearest Mama, Maggie, who passed away from cancer only 6 weeks after diagnosis at the young age of 67.

I am facing at least a year of intensive weekly chemotherapy, surgery and radiation, which involves very high and ongoing medical costs. The chemotherapy has been very tough for me, I recently ended up in hospital emergency and developing painful other medical conditions.

My father left us when I was 4 years old and passed away in his early 50's from a burst aortic aneurysm.

My dear granny (Babcia), Irena passed away from a stroke when I was 21 years old.

I have lost all my loved ones now. I was so close all my life to Mama and Babcia, I miss them so much.

I don't have a partner or children.

So I am now battling cancer alone, without any close living family for support.

I have been unable to work for quite some time due to my health.

When my Mama passed away in 2022, I suffered a high level of financial hardship due to my Mama getting sick interstate and my costs of relocating interstate for more than 5 weeks to be with Mama and high funeral and burial costs. My Mama's main asset at the time of her death was taken by a third party who refuses to act in accordance with my Mama's Will. Therefore, expensive long drawn out, stressful legal action will be the only way to recover my Mama's asset.

I also have two lovely cats and a sweet shmoodle dog, who are my whole world and I also have significant ongoing vet and pet care costs.

I would be eternally grateful for any kind hearted donations to help me with bills, medical costs, vet bills, etc, to keep living and battling cancer.

I feel I still have many contributions I would like to make to the world, to help others, but before I can do that, I need help to overcome my current health challenges.

Thank you so much for reading this and helping me, I wish you all great health and happiness always!

I would also like to share a poem, perhaps some can relate...

You Have Cancer

By Katrine

"You have cancer"

He informed me in monotones devoid of feeling.

A disembodied voice across the telephone line.

I wasn't shocked.

I was expecting it.

My dearest Mama, God rest her soul, passed away from cancer almost 1 year to the day of this call.

So it was all part of the grand plan for my life.

I actually welcomed it.

My first thought was actually relief

I felt God was throwing me a lifeline to the other world, I had more reasons to move to Heaven.

That's where Mama and my lovely granny Babcia were.

A place where there is no struggle

No pain

No illness

No financial hardships

No loneliness

Cos all my loved ones are there waiting for me.

From time to time I have dreams mostly about Mama.

One night I dreamed that Mama was driving me around winding streets resembling a race track.

A few months before Mama passed away, we actually drove on the Bathurst Mount Panorama race track and I drove us around the hairpin winding hilly road down into the Western Tasmanian coalmining town of Queenstown, in treacherous weather too.

But then after the excitement of thinking this was my golden ticket from a future of loneliness, loss and struggle,

I went numb.

Completely.

Just like I did when Mama passed away.

Not from a lack of love,

Quite the opposite.

I loved and still love my Mama so much that my brain just shuts out the loss.

So my grief lies suspended mid-air

With no where to go,

Just hovering over me.

I don't remember shedding a single tear when I got my cancer diagnosis.

I just climbed into bed and stayed there alot.

I even skipped one week of chemo.

I was so disenfranchised with it all.

So over the hospital trips, getting prodded with needles multiple times each week.

Dealing with all my losses,

Loss of health, finances, career, social life, dating life, family life,

Future

Loss of purpose

Loss of direction

My world fell apart.

I was a battered ship tossed on the merciless waves of a fierce unrelenting storm,

And all I wanted to do was sink.

But slowly the clouds began to part.

The catalyst for the shedding of this inertia came on the most unlikely days-

The day I spent over 12 hours in a hospital emergency department.

My patience was tested

But it got me out of my self imposed isolation.

I interacted face to face with more people in that one day than in all the several months preceding.

Ironically I found some beauty in the ashes.

After hearing my cancer story, a taxi driver even refused to accept my payment for the ride home from hospital.

I didn't plan to talk about it but somehow our conversation traversed that territory.

I haven't told too many people about it yet.

A mixture of fear, shame muting me.

I even conjured up the courage to draft a fundraising post that I may or may not have posted by the time this appears before you.

I started my cancer battle feeling defeated, but slowly I am putting on the armour of God and fighting back.

Mama fought so hard against her cancer battle,

So how could I betray Mama's memory?

Mama needs me to fight this cancer for the three of us... Mama, Babcia and me.

To be continued...