help me leave my abusive home

This is a cry for help.

My name is Emma. I am disabled, living with a traumatic brain injury from an accident that occurred almost a decade ago. I am also living in a house of abuse. My father has been abusing my mother since before I was born. Physically, and emotionally. Several years ago I tried to get her to leave him, and I myself moved out. Then things fell apart, and I had to move back in with my mom and abusive father. At the time he had "changed his ways." It was "safe" to be around them again.

Things were always tense but recently he has started to become violent again. Today things exploded in a very literal way when he went into a fit of rage and threw a jar of mustard at the wall in front of me so hard, it exploded. Mustard went everywhere. This is not the first time he has thrown things, the first time he has destroyed things important to us, or the last time he will get violent. A number of our possessions, as well as the walls and ceiling and blinds of our rental, are horribly stained a neon yellow from the mustard, which we could not remove fast enough to prevent.

I most likely cannot get my mom to leave him again. She will not walk out on him. But I am not willing to be around him anymore, or call him my dad anymore. I see now that I was a fool to trust him to be kind to us again. I see also that this has been building up; he did not just "snap" and have a moment; he has been going back to his old ways so that he can ease back into being physically abusive again. He is a violent drunk and continues to be abusive even while sober. It just happens to get worse at night when he's drinking.

I realize now is a very bad time to be fundraising. There are causes who are not me that need help. But I need help too. I cannot live in a house where I am treated like this. I need to get myself, my pets, and if I can get her to leave him, my mom away from this place. I am looking to get a two bedroom, dog and cat friendly for my two pets. But I am also disabled and have been struggling with debt for my entire adult life. I do not have any savings to allow me to just pick up and leave. I don't have a safety net or a fallback plan. I don't have friends I can couchsurf with. I don't even have a relative I can crash with for a while. I have been paying off insurmountable debt for years trying to prepare to someday, somehow move out on my own again. I have tried to get my (also disabled) mother to go to a shelter, so that she might be spared the abuse.

In the end I am just a person asking for help. I cannot get out of this situation on my own. I hate doing this. I hate being weak, I hate needing things from others. If I could instead count on winning the lottery and just walking out of the house today, I would do it.

This has been a very difficult thing to type up. I keep stopping, questioning if it's "really that bad" that I would need any help. It can't be that bad if we're not dead, right? It can't be that bad if no one's bleeding, right? But I am so tired of my mom and I and our pets living in complete fear. I am so sick of having to live like this. I want to be comfortable in the place where I live for once in my life. I do not want to wait until it gets "that bad" again, to where he is beating my mom with his fists.

I am asking you, if you can help, to do what you can. I didn't know what to set the donation at. I guess I'm aiming high. All funds will go towards getting me away from this house and into a house or apartment near work that allows my two pets.

I am afraid to post this and have him find it. I am terrified of the repercussions, but I am more afraid of what happens if I don't. Again, this is a physically violent and abusive person with a history of violent assault within my family. I need to leave.

If you can help and want to donate, even a few dollars is helpful. Every penny adds up. If you can't, and still want to help, sharing is crucial.

Thank you for your time in reading this. I hope it finds you well.