Avan's Emergency Housing and Transition Fund

Given the circumstances and the limited time I have, I’m once again sharing this fundraiser to ask for support during this urgent moment. Despite careful planning, unstable employment, unexpected and unforeseen expenses, and an overdue security deposit have left me facing a financial gap I fear I can’t bridge alone. I know some may ask- ‘Avan, why would you move to New York knowing your finances are not in order?’ and ‘what happened to the job you had lined up, Avan?’ Frankly, the answers to those questions lie in my transition and deal with both gender euphoria and gender dysphoria. Art- especially within the mediums of film and music- has always been tied to my transition. Film and music were my gateway to the feminine, my form of escape during difficult times. They were ultimately what led me to become more comfortable in my body and in my transsexuality. Simply put, I am a woman of my time, and I want to see myself reflected back at me when I go out and go dancing in clubs, or when I go out with friends to the city, or when I make a new film or start writing a new screenplay somewhere down the line.

In the words of one beautiful trans woman: “That’s why I want to put myself out there and make a name for myself and put everything about my transness out in the world because if it's going to normalize things even a little bit, [then] great. I like to say that I do it for other people, but honestly: I’m alive, I live in this world, and I’m gonna do what I have to do to make that more bearable.” Her words continue to resonate with me to this day and perfectly encapsulates my reasons for pursuing a career in film and music and, more importantly, for moving to New York. I want to create the life I’ve always wanted and be fully comfortable in my body and above all else, to find the perfect (and frankly, safe) environment for said life, one in which I can create and express myself in and live my life to the fullest. I want to look back and see that I achieved the life I deserve, one in which I’m fully happy, built upon solid foundations of stability; one in which I can find community and in which I can make living more bearable and more beautiful. New York, in my heart- and especially amidst sociopolitical turmoil and uncertain times for queer people like me- is the right choice.

NYC has so many resources available for transgender women, especially in terms of facilitating my gender transition and in accessing life-saving medical procedures (such as facial feminization surgery, laser hair removal, and breast augmentation) that would otherwise be unattainable for low-income people of color. It is also, in my opinion, a better city to find and maintain long-term employment that can be considered “trans-friendly”. I have lost employment and gotten turned down during job interviews in the past because of my transness, and in some cases I’ve had to deal with transphobia while on the job- invasive questions, or dirty looks, or misgendering or deadnaming. Unfortunately this was also the case with the new job I thought I had secured here, but I always tell myself if one door closes, another will open. I know I will be able to find a better job soon because I have not given up hope about surviving and staying in this city. But I have to be smart and recognize that I have limited time at a time when costs and expenses related to establishing myself here and furthering my transition are soon-to-become due. If I see myself staying in New York in the long-term, I need to also think long-term about what I need to start saving money for, which is why I wanted to begin funding my gender-affirming surgeries once my more pressing financial needs are met.

I remember my friends and loved ones once helping me in a different time of need in the past, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I was very humbled by the outpouring of support and kind words after my suicide attempt last year. I have come a long way as it relates to my mental health, my search for stability, and in my journey to recovery and self-accountability, and I would not be here if it wasn’t for them. Apart from this fundraiser, I’ve also reached out to some of the resources available to transgender women in the city, such as the Transgender Economic Empowerment Program, Make The Road NY, and TransLatinx Network for help with accessing healthcare services and job placements specifically for trans individuals. I’ve applied for SNAP, cash assistance, rental assistance, and have taken steps to continue building my credit score up in hopes of establishing a more long-term financial stability while pursuing my artistic and creative goals in New York. However, I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve already managed to make so far. I am so close to achieving the life I have always wanted. I want to live. I want to create. I want to feel beautiful all the time, and not just when I dress up and go out and dance. I want to finally love all of myself when I see myself in the mirror. But I don't know if I can do it alone. Any amount you can give means the world to me. Thank you for reading, sharing, supporting me in this time of need, and for believing in me and standing by me - I won’t forget it.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ عِلْماً نَافِعاً وَرِزْقاً طَيِّباً وَعَمَلاً مُتَقَبَّلاً

Love, Aaila

P.S. My friend Sahinur R. is listed as a beneficiary and is distributing the funds directly to me. Thank you for your help Sanu. :)