Assist a Family in Mourning: Aurora Layne's Story

Hello I’m a grieving mother of two angel babies. I’ve lost two of my children in the last year. When I lost my son Copeland my husband and I weren’t able to take a break from work and it was very hard on us physically and emotionally. He passed September 28th of last year. But as of this week September 3rd my baby girl Aurora Layne went home to be with Jesus as well. After 3 days of fighting so hard to keep her safe and continue to grow my body couldn’t do it anymore. I never thought I’d be asking for financial help but with another loss so close to our sons. We’ve both been off work this week and I will need to continue to be off work for another week in order to heal. Bills have already started to pile up and I’m trying my best to hopefully get some help with the burden of losing our baby. Luckily she will be cremated for free by the same funeral home that did my son’s cremation but we will need funds for her urn as well as help with bills and groceries. Anything helps. Even prayers and just sharing. Here is her story.

We found out we were having a baby girl this time and we were so excited. The 30th of August I went to get a full cardiology work up and they also checked on baby. Everything was perfect. The 31st I went to work and worked a full day. Came home and my legs hurt/hips. Sunday morning September 1st I woke up with spotting(my 4 year anniversary of being with my husband). I tried to just remain calm through the day trying to convince myself it was okay. By that afternoon I ended up at the ER with heavy bleeding and clots. They kept me overnight and my bleeding stopped. I wasn’t contracting and my cervix was still closed. My daughter was still perfectly moving around. Was discharged that day the 2nd. Went home hopeful. 3 hours later I was back in the er this time with cramping and heavy bleeding. Ultrasound showed baby was still healthy but I was dilated to 1cm. I was transferred to the biggest/best hospital in my city with MFM doctors on staff. When I arrived at the new hospital I started to hemorrhage. They retrieved some clots stuck in my cervix and the bleeding completely stopped and my contractions completely stopped. My baby was still healthy and my cervix was still tight and closed that following morning the 3rd. Since my bleeding had stopped, I wasn’t dilating or contracting they were going to send me home. It was about 2pm yesterday they came to talk to me and I was so hopeful. But as the OB was talking I started to feel some pain in my back but I thought it was just gas pain. She left to go do my discharge paper work. I went to sit on the toilet and had some more back pain and some fresh red blood but just a little in the toilet. I waited on the bed to see what was happening and after about 10 minutes I had 5 contractions back to back that had me on my knees hanging over the back of bed swaying and vocalizing. I new in my heart that I was in labor at that moment and I decided I was going to birth my baby with strength and in worship to Jesus cause that’s all I could do in that moment to keep things together. I was 13 weeks exactly. The ob ran back in and checked me. Baby was still healthy on ultrasound but I was 4cm dilated. They started prepping things to get me moved to L&D. I continued to labor dance and my bag of waters ruptured. I was also vomiting. I knew I was in transition and she was going to be out soon. About 10 minutes before she was born they ran me down the hall on my bed. I had about 5 nurses and 2 OBs running with us. Once to L&D. I felt the need to push so I squatted on the bed and she came out at 3:27pm September 3rd. I sat back on my bottom and the OB picked her up between my legs. After about a minute I took her in my hands. They asked to cut the cord but she started to slightly move in my hand and I wanted to make the transition to death as painless as possible for her and in my mind as long as she was connected to the cord that was still pulsating strong healthy blood supply to her she could gently slipped away. She was alive but just barely. I think she fought so hard to stay alive with everything going on just so she could meet me and say goodbye. I spoke to her. I told her how much I loved her and how pretty she was. How I did everything in my power to save her but it just wasn’t enough. That it was okay that she had to go. Once I was sure she was gone I had them clip the cord and wrap her in a blanket. I wasn’t mentally or physically able to hold her up to me at that point so I waited to deliver the placenta and make sure my bleeding was under control until I took her. I admired her features, her tiny fingers and toes, the fact that she had my wide shoulders and nose. My doula and grief doula took pictures so I would never forget what she looked like and pictures of us together. I kept her for about 8 hours until I noticed she was starting to change and was no longer the cute pink baby when she arrived. I knew it was time. I snuggled her tight against me for another 10 minutes with the lights off just so I could imagine sleeping with her near me just once and feeling the weight of her body on my chest for one last moment before they took her down to the morgue. Wrapped in a mauve colored hand crocheted blanket the perfect size for her and a small grey teddy bear. My baby girl is gone. My hopes for my rainbow are gone. I’m left with no answers. The same funeral home that cremated my son Copeland last year almost one year to the day will pick her up today for cremation. I’ll love you forever Aurora Layne Endruschat.