I want to start this by saying this is deeply vulnerable for me to share. There’s a lot of shame I’m carrying in even writing these words. I’m in my 40s, and this is not the life situation I ever imagined I would be in. I know there are so many people struggling right now, some in situations far worse than mine, and I want to acknowledge that. I don’t take that lightly. I’m only asking for help because my current reality has become truly dire.

Some of you may already know parts of what I’ve been going through over the past year. There was a brief period where things seemed like they might improve, but recently, everything has shifted again, and with the added impact on my health, the situation has become much more serious.

If you know me, you know how much community means to me. I’ve always tried to show up for others in whatever ways I can, and that won’t change. I believe deeply that we all need support, care, and love; especially in a world that feels as heavy as it does right now. For many of us, especially those who don’t receive that emotional support and love from our families, community is what keeps us going.

Last year my life changed in a way I couldn’t have anticipated. After spending over 15 years building a successful career, I was laid off. The role I had built, and the specific skill set I developed, has, in many ways, become obsolete. Since then, I’ve applied to over 300 full time positions and gone through more than 70 interviews. I’ve accepted opportunities, only to have roles fall through due to lost funding. I’m currently working a contract role that I hoped would become permanent but it is not going to, due to government funding. I’m grateful for this position but it doesn’t come close to pulling me out of this hole.

For the past four months, I’ve been doing everything I possibly can to stay afloat. In addition to the contract work, I’m picking up any extra work I can find: writing blogs, helping people with projects around their homes, taking on gigs, and even doing DoorDash just to cover gas and groceries. I am working constantly. But the reality is, when you fall into a deep financial hole, especially one that includes things like predatory loans, it becomes incredibly difficult to climb out. No matter how hard I push, it hasn’t been enough. I’m chasing bill after bill and paying on disconnect days. It is terrifying.

Tomorrow is the first of the month, and I don’t have enough to cover my April 1st bills.

On top of all of this, last night I ended up in the ER after pushing myself beyond exhaustion. The stress and physical toll of trying to survive finally caught up with me. Doctors struggled to get a clear EKG reading over multiple hours because my body wouldn’t stop having tremors.

A few months ago, I received a diagnosis that has changed everything: early onset Parkinson’s disease. Both of my parents have Parkinson’s, so it’s something I’ve lived in quiet fear of for years, but having that fear become reality in my 40s, with young children (my youngest is just four), is something I’m still trying to process.

I try to stay grounded in gratitude and the present moment. But I would be lying if I said I’m not scared. I’m scared of what this means for my health, for my future, and for the kind of parent I’ll be able to be in 10 years.

Following my ER visit, I now need additional medical testing this week, including an echocardiogram and a stress test, none of which are covered by my current insurance. I also urgently need support to begin proper treatment for Parkinson’s, as I am currently receiving none. And, honestly, I need help accessing basic mental health support just to process everything that’s happening.

I have reached a point where I don’t know what else to do.

If you are able to help in any way, whether that’s donating, sharing this, or simply offering encouragement, I would be incredibly grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for holding space for me in such a vulnerable moment.

Love,

Noah