As some of you know, this has been a very difficult year for me mental health-wise. I've been struggling for months with incapactitating depression and anxiety, all with a heavy dose of suicidal ideation. On top of that, I've been trying lots of new meds, and some of them have come with some pretty intense side effects which were also incapacitating - for example, Cymbalta threw me into a two week long state of hypomania, during which I couldn't sleep at all and, well, there are few things that negatively impact my mental health as much as not sleeping does.
Another blow to my mental health has been our family's increasing financial instability. I'm a freelancer, so I need to have the strength and energy to hustle and pitch, not to mention the strength and energy to then write the essay. I think I have written maybe one essay for real cash money since the beginning of the year? My brain is basically porridge right now and I can't even think up ideas to pitch let alone write them out thoughtfully and reasonably. The only essay I've been able to write has been about how much work it is just to stay alive while you're suicidal
. My family has been hit pretty hard by my inability to bring in any income andI feel guilty as heck for being so useless.
I've made this GoFundMe because I'm hoping some extra cash will give my family some breathing room and let me take the time to rest and get better without being angry and frustrated with myself every day for my inability to work. It will also help our family afford basics like food, rent and transportation. Up until now we've been using money from our savings account, rationalizing that we can start adding money back in once I start making money again, but after four months of me not making money that horizon is seeming more and more distant. On top of that, we managed to burn through all our savings by mid-April, meaning we've lost that one small financial cushion we had. Which is yet another thing I feel extremely guilty about.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and considerating donating. Things are feeling really dire right now, and this is the only thing I could think of to do. So, again, thank you - your donation could mean a world of difference to my family.