Here is Amy's honest message about this journey:
"So……….big news, little news. Big news because it’s kinda big and little news because I’ve processed this for so long now that it feels somewhat blissfully small.
You guys...so sorry to say, but I have cancer. I should add here that I'm not of the "fuck cancer" ilk. Cancer can be a gift - that is how I choose to see it.
Last month I was diagnosed with a reasonably rare cancer. It doesn’t matter what kind + I don’t want all of you to google it and have a freak out, so I’ll just say I have a (small) tumor in my nose. Anyone who knows I’ve been struggling with my sinuses for 2 years can now solve the mystery! The most important thing for you to know is this is curable and I caught it early. Things are looking pretty good.
I apologize if you’re just finding out now, as many of you will be, but please know that I am writing this note from my heart and it’s no less intimate to me that it is being published to a small group of people I love.
It has been a wild ride the last 5 weeks from diagnosis to treatment planning. Many ups and downs in between. Many opinions. Many check ins. Many doctor visits. a LOT of quieting down and listening to myself. And listening to myself. And listening to myself. And only now am I in a place where I feel like ‘Ok…..this is what is happening’, so I felt it was time to share. Additionally, I’m sharing today because I’ll be needing your help, so I'm sharing for the support, as well. My Facebook community is small and curated - just how I like it. I love you all.
Tomorrow, I start 7 weeks of chemo & radiation. The radiation is daily to my nose/throat/lymphs and the chemo is 1x weekly. Due to the location of tumor, I also elected (as most patients with this cancer do) to have a PEG tube (feeding tube) placed into my abdomen. This will ensure that even if I loose taste or have problems with my mouth/swallowing (which is common) that I can keep up my nutrition and weight. The tube is simply a safety measure, should I need it later as many people do. I’m hoping to get to the end of treatment and say….”Welp, THAT was a waste of time!” I had that surgery last week, the day before my bday, and holy shit was that a way bigger deal then I expected! That said, I’m now on day 6 and dealing with it.
Fortunately, KEN IS HERE and has been a DREAM. OF. A. HUSBAND. He has made my meals, helped me put on my clothes, picked me up, driven me all over and even told me I’m beautiful. That’s right folks….a real keeper. God bless him and please do keep him in your thoughts because I’m fairly certain disease is just as taxing if not more on those around me. It's tough feeling helpless.
I know everyone’s immediate response is to feel bad and ask me how you can help. To that, let me say don’t feel bad for me. As you know I’m a big BIG believer in the power of manifestation and that means we manifest the "good" and the "bad" in our lives. (There really is no good/bad, but thats a conversation for another day.) This cancer is a beautiful opportunity to shepherd a SHIFT and so I’m walking up to it and through it as gracefully and honestly as possible. That means some days when you text me and ask “how are you doing today” I’m going to be honest and say “today is a pile of fucking shit and I’m in pain.” Or maybe I’ll say “today is so beautiful - can you smell the wisteria in the air??”
In so far as how you can help, you can help by thinking of yourself, and me as perfect, healthy and whole. We are all divine spirits incarnate here on earth for a blip of time and while we live here, our spirits are in another dimension working. This is what we think of as your intuition, higher self, divine self, universe, etc. In that knowing, we ARE ALL PERFECT and ALL LOVE and so see me this way. See yourself this way. See your friend who drives you crazy this way. That is how I feel we can all be so helpful to me and to each other.
I’ll also need help along the way with other more physical things - house stuff, errands or items. Ken is here, but I’m running that boy ragged and as a one income family we are now down to not-verymuch-of-that-one-income. We are not in financial dire straights, so I don't feel inclined to host a Go Fund Me, but I am not working much during this time. My brain can’t function and physically I can not be in gardens. (Soil has pathogens and bacteria and my immune system will not be strong.) If you want to help in a more tactile way, send me a DM and I’ll add you to my list of earth angels and send an email soon. Again, no pressure. We are in good shape, all told.
What more can I tell you that I left off? I’m an open book so holler anytime. Sometimes I can get back to you, sometimes I can’t but please know I read it all and send you love back. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND and/or FAMILY.
Love each other.
- Trisha Muller
- Lauren Feldman
- Angela Hazelton & Eric Feller
- Scott Whited
- Debbie Campbell
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